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PostPosted: Fri Apr 01, 2011 1:00 am 
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Ok I have been going out with this girl- we went out three times. She is nice but I don't think she is a keeper...
Anyway, things are going ok but there is something in the back of my mind that I still don't understand\know...

Women say they want a sensitive guy but I won't take advise from women about women :)

When I was doing natural grounding I thought I should be more sensitive with women, but I got very little results with that. Then, after learning from David X and 'The Kidd' I started to be more tough\macho and started to see results.

*(Now when I say 'macho' it's not in an asshole kind of way, but more tough and masculine...)*

Now I want to find more balance between being macho (tough and masculine) but also sensative.

At first I thought that David X was all macho but lately I heard him talk about being sensative with women. Kidd: at first I thought you were also macho but lately from your posts I see that you also have a senstive side and you are showing it while you are with girls.

So what do you think about this?

1. Do you guys think that a guy should be senstive with women?
if yes then:
2. how do you find the balance between macho (tough and masculine) and at the same time being sensitive, without losing your power....

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 01, 2011 1:56 am 
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Like everything else...just trust your gut...it'll tell you when and when not to. 8-)

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 01, 2011 2:12 am 
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Ok thank you, I guess it all depends on the girl. Luckily now I can switch from macho to sensitive when I want to. I learned to control it...

I guess that with keepers you can be more sensitive than with non keeprs....

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 01, 2011 3:01 am 
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Keepers need to see it...it's what disarms them...let's them know that it's safe to let you in. 8-)

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 01, 2011 9:42 pm 
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An analogy I got from the community, back in the day was... she is imagining a strong, independent man being sensitive. (most of it is unconscious that's why sometimes it isn't bad advice, just like guys don't intend to be misleading just don't understand how they work or others work).

I like what Kidd said, you study the rules of social psychology etc but then you learn to introspect, and then they're is this click and you don't need to see articles you just know, it's a very flowy state.

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PostPosted: Sat Apr 02, 2011 11:09 pm 
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The Kidd!! wrote:
Keepers need to see it...it's what disarms them...let's them know that it's safe to let you in. 8-)
This is key!

and VERY true.

I also believe it cannot happen straight away, it will happen when the time is right, as long as you do not resist. She will see what she needs to see it you are being yourself, honestly and truthfully.

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 9:49 am 
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Sniper wrote:
So what do you think about this?

1. Do you guys think that a guy should be senstive with women?
if yes then:
2. how do you find the balance between macho (tough and masculine) and at the same time being sensitive, without losing your power....
I'm very flip/flop with this, I notice. I notice I'm in general most of the times, quit sensitve with women from the start (out of habit largely). And go to being though/aloof/macho/etc. when I meet with bitchiness/rudeness/non-friendly attitude/etc. from her.

I'm not sure what is more effective, though?
- Starting off "macho", and then showing sensitivity when you feel she is a person that is worthy off being sensitive with.
- Or starting off sensitive, and then switch to "macho" when you see/feel she isn't a person that is worthy off being sensitive with?
- Or deciding how to start of every time again, by the vibe/feeling you have or get from a particular girl?

The last one (starting off sensitive), has the downside of making you feel bad when you were being sensitive with a person that wasn't worth it. That happened to me quit some times, since I have the habit off being pretty open/sensitive from the start.
The first one (starting off macho/though/strong), I haven't done so much. So can't know for sure. But I would think, it could and would scare of the women that are worthy of your sensitivety and a good match?

Any downsides I'm missing. Or upsides, you have expierenced? From starting off with an attitide that is macho/though/hard, or starting off with an attitude of sensitivity?

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 11:00 am 
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@scarface

I would say to start with macho first and I'll remind that:
(when I say 'macho' it's not in an asshole kind of way, but more tough and masculine...)

because in today's day and age most men are sensative but in an 'AFC way' so most women: when they see a sensative guy they immediately assume he is an AFC.

but when you start macho and then see that the girl is nice and has a good vibe you can switch to being more sensative and flip back to macho if and when needed...

there are exceptions of course (girls that you can be sensative with right away) but they are very rare - as my experience has shown me. Most girls need to see the macho first to know that you are different from the AFCs...

but you should trust your gut and that is the bottom line.

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 07, 2011 3:29 am 
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i'm being not sensitive at all, i supose that when the moment is rigth it just going to be natural


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2011 10:08 pm 
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It comes down to being how you would truly be in any given moment, IF you weren’t trying to get anything from a woman – or anyone for the matter. Just seeing folks say “well I think you gotta be macho then show a little vulnerability” means you are coming from the wrong place at the get-go, the “strategizing” shows an inherent flaw.

The more I have “observed” thus more aware over the years, the more I noticed how very un-similar different (true) ladies men can be. Just look at, say, Marlon Brando versus a Mick Jagger. Very opposing mannerisms. 8-)

Upon reflection, when things really clicked and took off for me, what I was doing and what I attribute a great personal transformation to is I would meditate/contemplate daily and often on how I would be if I didn’t want anything from anyone, was completely content on my own, and stopped trying to get something (attraction, respect, approval, them liking me, thinking I’m cool, etc.) from people. I did this for tons of different situations I would find myself in.

It didn’t take too long of doing this consistently, that I noticed great personal changes taking place, some of them freaked me out (due to more feminine and sensative characteristics and energies emerging), but I started to feel really good and comfortable in my skin. I became more of *my* natural or true self. And the response from others, especially women, was mind blowing.

Since then, I have had women ocassionally tell me they still sometimes wonder if I’m gay, or they thought I was gay at first, I’ve even met a couple girls and within the same night they adamant that I have to be gay/can't be straight, and then an hour later in my bed.

But it also makes you wildly unpredictable and intriguing to people (women) when you are acting from your true and natural self (a very masculine trait) as opposed to approval and validation seeking behavior that is in contradiction to who you really are, and this is extremely attractive to the opposite sex. So in addition to becoming more “feminine” (even maybe even “gay-er”) :o , at the same time, girls tell me they have never in their life experienced someone before that hasn’t pursued them, or that they can’t eventually crack or tame.

And who knows, maybe for other people, becoming more of their true self would be to become way more masculine and macho (just didn’t happen to be the case for me).

So I think it’s not should I be more macho or more sensitive, but being true to yourself in any given moment. And this can only happen when you let go of wanting and needing things outside of yourself (and especially letting go of wanting women) instead of needing these things in order to be happy.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2011 10:24 pm 
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Good post StephenP :)
StephenP wrote:
So I think it’s not should I be more macho or more sensitive, but being true to yourself in any given moment. And this can only happen when you let go of wanting and needing things outside of yourself (and especially letting go of wanting women) instead of needing these things in order to be happy.
Bravo!

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 16, 2011 4:54 pm 
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StephenP

Your post was incredibly valuable to me.

Thank you so much.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 4:59 pm 
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StephenP

very good and practical advise. I will use it ;)

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"a sniper is the worst romancer, he never makes the first move"
Sometimes it's a little better to travel than to arrive” \ Robert M. Pirsig


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 5:10 pm 
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Here's the rub: Those chicks don't actually think you are gay. That is just one of their last ditch bitch defenses to attempt to bring out the AFC in you. Here's what I mean:

In most cases, if a woman inquires whether a man is gay or not, the man will usually immediately begin to vigorously defend his heterosexuality, when then the woman can turn around into a 'prove it then!' scenario and BAM!...ball stolen. :|

When I'm presented with said situation, I just look em straight in the eye and say, "Yep, you're right...I'm actually a lesbian trapped in a man's body...I hope you don't mind." ;)

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 6:16 pm 
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As Kidd says, it is a test!

I keep my answer somewhat more succinct, a simple 'Yup' with a smile that says I am anything but gay. I am becoming more strongly against explaining myself in any way in those situations, even to the point of saying something amusing. Nothing they can work off, "lets see where you go with this now girl."

I went to a local pub last night, this woman approached me at the bar (very indirectly) and so we ended up talking. At some point her older party girl friend came over and attempted to tell me off for chatting up her friend. I smiled at her and said 'You have it the wrong way around'.
She was utterly stumped, stood there with her mouth opening and closing like a fish. I looked at the one I had been talking to and she was beaming at me and moved so that she was pressed up against my side, from hip to shoulder. Then I looked back at the other one and gave her a questioning look. She actually stamped her foot on the ground and then stormed off across the room, her friend broke down in laughter and I had another bit of my drink.
It was a fun evening :)


Someone on here recently asked if anything a woman says is not a test of some-kind.. my answer was and is nope on some level everything they say is a test.

Seem to remember a book title 'Everything out of her mouth is a test', it was spot on in my view.

-

Spent this afternoon doing some gardening and listening to my neighbours, while they had a bbq.. more entertaining than music.

3 generations of males, 3 generations of females... 3 men in total, 10 women.
Ages from 17 to 70 ish on both sides.

Those men were totally lost, like little boys, the girls were running rings around them all afternoon.

Wish I had known or I might have taped it, it was so entertaining.

The women had the men on the back foot the whole time, they were tag teaming each other to keep it going. Just when one of the men thought they were getting on top, they would get blown out of the water.

Sometimes so subtle that they did not pick it up till minutes later, sometimes as subtle as a brick wall.
I had to restrain myself at times from bursting into loud laughter, real belly laughs.

Times that remind me why I love observing life and these curious creatures around me.

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 19, 2011 3:15 am 
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Great shit in this thread I must say!

I remember back when I was studying all that pua shit one thing I read actually did make sense...it was from an instructor named badboy, he said that you can't be just a good guy or a badboy.

If all you are is a badboy then the girl will go off looking for what she's missing, a goodboy, and if all you are is a goodboy then the girl will go off and look for what she's missing, a badboy! So you have to be both, and know when to be which.

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 19, 2011 3:43 pm 
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Hopefully can get more involved here once my new computer is delivered, the old beater finally died and left me computer-less for a few weeks now.

@TheKidd!! - Totally agree, one of the few really good things I learned from the PUA community way back when, was anytime someone insults, teases, makes fun, or tests you (whether it be in good fun or malice) just agree with it, and (not necessary but can be fun) exaggerate it.

Girl: You're gay aren't you!
Me: Flaming

@Peregrinus - Exactly, everything you said. I find tests to be exactly the same as signs of attraction from women. The more you observe (like thekidd says) and practice observing, the more subtle of tests/attraction you find yourself becoming aware of. I pick up on it all the time when watching others interact in public or at bars - anywhere.

Also back to the OP topic, the more a guy observes himself, the more aware he becomes of subtle little reactions and behaviors in which he is *trying* to get something from other people whether that's sex, attraction, admiration, validation, etc. I still catch myself doing it in very subtle ways all the time.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 19, 2011 3:51 pm 
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And Mannija, what you said totally makes sense. Seems like EVERY "badboy" that I know or have met, I find they can get laid pretty easy, but can't ever seem to keep a girl around for long.

I especially notice this as I get older and hear them complaining now that they can't find a good relationship. I wonder why


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2011 8:03 am 
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StephenP wrote:
And Mannija, what you said totally makes sense. Seems like EVERY "badboy" that I know or have met, I find they can get laid pretty easy, but can't ever seem to keep a girl around for long.

I especially notice this as I get older and hear them complaining now that they can't find a good relationship. I wonder why
yes but on the other hand as Mannija said:
Quote:
if all you are is a goodboy then the girl will go off and look for what she's missing- a badboy! So you have to be both
it's not really about being a badboy or a goodboy it's about treating women accordingly even or esp. when you are in a relationship with them...

The 'goodboy' or 'the amorati' always does what they want and let's them get away with shit. Then they miss the strong guy who is a real man.

so it all comes down to treating women accordingly...

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"a sniper is the worst romancer, he never makes the first move"
Sometimes it's a little better to travel than to arrive” \ Robert M. Pirsig


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2011 5:14 pm 
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Quote:
so it all comes down to treating women accordingly...
8-)

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EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING. :ugeek:


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