Natural Freedom

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 05, 2010 10:08 pm 
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Hey guys I just wanted to know if anyone else has ever experienced the same thing. I have this really bad pain in my chest, like it physically hurts. It comes up every time I meditate and I don't try to release it or suppress it, I just let it be there. I honestly believe this is some deep emotional pain or repression of some sort.

I don't like meditating that much because of this. It makes it very hard for me to focus on my college work and I feel hatred for a lot of people, even my family, and myself. I won't show it on the outside though because I know nobody deserves that. I've tried in the past to continue the meditation, but it became very bad and I had trouble living life in general.

I feel like I'm living with a mask on trying to use spirituality to cover my deep inner aggression and hatred for people. I don't want to feel this way and I feel like I'm a horrible person. I do love my family and friends, but I feel like I neglect myself in order to protect their well being.

I don't know maybe I'm over thinking this but when I stop thinking so much, breathe, and just be in the present moment there is this anger and rage and all kinds of emotions, not peace, serenity, or love.


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 05, 2010 11:39 pm 
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Location: The unknown
just a guess:

The first step is to accept the anger - which is just energy.
If you cut the story behind it, the good and bad, right and wrong you are just left with: energy.

energy isn't bad you just have to accept whatever energy is there so that you can let it go.

if you cut the story behind it and just feel the energy you will be able to let it go.....

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"a sniper is the worst romancer, he never makes the first move"
Sometimes it's a little better to travel than to arrive” \ Robert M. Pirsig


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 06, 2010 12:27 am 
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Thanks I'll give that a shot my next meditation session.


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 06, 2010 12:11 pm 
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Obviously you don't really like that feeling (judging by your post), right? That's why it's still there. Just surrender to it. dive into it's core and let it wash your entire body. It's just energy, it's not good or bad, the only reason it's trapped is becuase you are holding it down (it's a subconscious habbit). So let it do what it was supposed to do. Good luck.

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“The only real valuable thing is intuition.”
Albert Einstein.


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 06, 2010 8:05 pm 
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Bonder wrote:
surrender to it. dive into it's core and let it wash your entire body. It's just energy, it's not good or bad, the only reason it's trapped is because you are holding it down . So let it do what it was supposed to do.
Experience it.
Feel it.
Bask in it, rather than resisting it.

Let it go.

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 06, 2010 8:09 pm 
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Yep. Embrace it. 8-)

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PostPosted: Sun Nov 07, 2010 5:23 pm 
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So I meditated again and I just let it be and felt it and I came upon some realizations too. A large portion of my life has been dedicated to trying to be a better person, but I feel in some ways I was doing this for others and not for myself. This is just my realization and it may not be true for others but I've been down the road of hypnosis, subliminals, affirmations, all that self-help stuff. It just took me further away from who I was, I didn't feel like I was changing I felt like I was masking myself and others could see that. I was so concerned with being an asshole to women and people in general that I repressed those feelings and tried to be nice and loving towards everyone.

Anyway I've accepted I'm fine as I am even though I'm not societies definition of perfect. I'm also trusting my gut a lot more and living with intuition and presence, rather than logically thinking what I should do. When you take away all the thinking, all the worrying, all the theories, and just be, whats left is your masculinity. We are men, its our nature, society just piled on a ton of shit to make us forget that.


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