TML + Kidd
Aztecsfinest - Shuush, you'll give away all my secrets
I did get a good chuckle out of your post
Once you and I talked and you said that even before natural grounding you were able to understand the natural character of women and see beyond the matrix....
What made you know and see beyond the matrix (since you live in the UK which is not a natural country....)
Have spent a few days pondering this question, what I write below is an attempt to explain it without writing a full biography which I feel would almost be needed but overblown.
When I was about 13/14 I joined a new school in a different area. Thinking back there were two key influences on how things went at this school:
Influence #1 - I was accepted onto a course that had VERY strict admission requirements because of a note of recommendation from my teacher at my previous school. Needless to say I did not meet ANY of the admission requirements apart from the recommendation note. It was a new course that year and at that school and the requirements were based off grades in other classes.
Influence #2 - The summer before the start at the new school my father had been close to death a number of times and had undergone major surgery, this occupied most of the summer break.
These two things conspired to cause a disconnect with my classmates when joining, as I will describe:
Effect #1 - There was a girl who was now rejected from the course so that I could take my place on the course. For some odd reason she was told exactly why she had now been rejected and who (names included) had TAKEN her place.. This pissed her and her parents off immensely and caused many angry meetings in and out of school between teachers and our two sets of parents.
Effect #2 - While a lot of my classmates were discussing what colour their pencil cases were, who was friends with who and who was in the music charts, I was thinking about issues like life and death. What they considered important barely registered on my thinking, they could not relate to what I was thinking about at all, or it seemed like it.
Now comes a very important but minor point
The girl in #1 was THE social alpha at school in that year. She also happened to be one of the highest graded girls also, so was in with the 'brains group' also. Her influence with both the boys and the girls was VAST at the time, or seemed like it. She took losing her place to me VERY personally.
As you can probably imagine, this cause a few *cough* problems integrating into the new school. For the first month or so I was very much on the outside looking in. Rather than take this badly, for some reason which I am not sure of even now, I took this as an opportunity to take a deep look at things (surprises me even now).
So I found myself watching all the groups within the school, which had carried over from the previous school (it was an age when people switched schools anyway and I had joined them when I switched also, but they already knew each other well from the previous school).
I was not a part of any of the groups, so I was not considered a 'threat' as such to any of them, I was not grabbed by any of them either as they made me well aware that having me in their group would attract too much bad attention from girl #1's groups. As long as I stayed outside they would all talk freely when I was around.
I should also note that I was BLACKLISTED as far as the girls in girl#1's year was concerned, together with those below it as time went on.. Such was her groups influence, if any of them had thought of becoming my girlfriend they got enough shit that they backed off quite quickly. Thanks to girl #1 for that. I was very aware of this but not really bothered as I considered it quite childish at the time (her actions)
Due to this I was able to witness all the power plays and backstabbing that went on amongst these groups, what effect social influence (as we call it now, I had no real name for it then) was having on all the people within these groups.
I gradually made some friends which tended to span different groups, these were to some degree outside the whole group system. I also found myself being talked to by some people who wanted to switch groups, before they switched. Quite a few girls treated me as a confidant as they knew I was not affiliated with any of the groups.
These factors conspired to give me a ringside seat to all the goings on within the power-bases of the school. As time went on I was happy with my position and actively did not want to join any of the groups. The level of manipulation going on was quite stunning and even now I look back on it with some wonder, it really was like a well oiled machine.
When people would spend time with me they would 'relax' as they were not in a group playing games with each other, this let me see them in their natural state.. I did not see it for that at the time, however now I recognise the signs and what I saw back then.. This was most noticeable with the girls, as they did not have to keep up their façade in front of me.
This was my first proper view at the 'matrix', the social influences, the media influences, peer-group influences, sexual power plays and all of that stuff. At the time I did not really take as much notice as I probably should have as my attention was also distracted by family issues which were ongoing.
During this time I experienced sex for the first time, I ended up having a group of 3 girls who would spend time with me, they were all very close friends and they had got to know me enough to consider me 'safe'. I was not going to tell anyone what was going on and was not part of their groups, so I was someone who they could experiment with without any fear of social reprisals or bad rumours or anything... This went on for over two years, not girlfriend boyfriend but mutual exploration and fun. One lived very close to school and both her parents worked all day, so lunchtimes were quite fun. This was not public, that did not bother me at all, I was happy to keep it between us given all the fun I was having with them.
I doubt anyone would have believed how I spent my lunches with them even if they had known.
These girls between them gave me a taste of what a relaxed open and natural woman could offer me. We had very relaxed open times together, experimented a lot and not a hint of jealousy from any of them as they had all agreed between them on it. They also learnt what it was like to be with a male who was not playing games, we all learnt a lot from it. Looking back on it I should have let this experience sink deeper into my soul.
I went off to university, at this time I was under 5 feet tall, not shaving yet, still looked very much like a boy. To say I was smaller than my classmates was an understatement, I also looked a LOT younger... (As a clue, I was still getting a half fare (child rate) on public transport until I was around 22. That should have ended at 16.
Around 22-25 I went up to my height now which is just under 6 feet (fairly normal).
This conspired to give me another chance at a rather unusual view of the goings on around me. I looked too young and too small to be at university, my view on life was very mature for my age because of things I had gone through in the previous years. This caused people to underestimate me a lot and how much I would understand of what was going on around me.
This gave me another chance to see the dynamics and power plays going on around me, together with the influence of the university, music, media, society and peer-groups on the other students. It sank in a bit more deeply this time.
I also found myself in a position where I was almost mourning the loss of the 3 girls as most of the students my age thought I looked too young and were not attracted to me (or so it seemed at the time). I had gone from 3 regular playmates to none in the blink of an eye.
I have always had a VERY low alcohol tolerance and this did not help matters either as I am just not able to go out and drink and get drunk etc.. When I drink I get quite ill after more than a couple of drinks. This meant I was the most sober of the group when we went out, on one level this allowed me to watch what was happening - on another level it created a disconnect with the others as they were mostly drunk. It did allow me to observe what was going on a lot when people went out and partied.
During this time I was introduced to the wonders of more mature women, as my age range did not seem interested in me and I have never been into cradle robbing... My first one was 14 years older than me and a wonderful woman, many fond memories of her are still embedded within my memory. She approached me one day and over the next year or so we spent many fun evenings together. Her comment was 'you looked calm and relaxed and I wanted a taste of that' when I asked her later.
During this time I also discovered the joys of Asian women, through two in particular, one Japanese and one Malaysian. They were my age and acted very differently to the UK women I had come into contact with, I would carry this with me for the rest of my life (until now), as they had a profound effect on me and my thoughts about women.
By the time I left university, I had not had a lot of liaisons with different women BUT the ones I had had left a deep impression on me. They had all taught me something and I had learnt from them.
I had been working for a number of years, my observations had been ongoing. All the chasing and number collecting and stuff that the community talks about just seemed WRONG to me on a real core level it always had (this was from my friends who I saw doing that, before I heard about the PUA community). I could not really explain it as no one I seemed to run into had a similar viewpoint, they were all too plugged into the social matrix.
I would occasionally come into contact with women who seemed to pull me towards them, there was a real powerful force at play, nature or genetics or whatever you want to call it. Whenever I felt this, I KNEW that they felt it also.. Those times lead to my most memorable liaisons with women, the ones that lasted and were fun.
I did not chase women, if I did not feel that pull I would not even try.. I needed to feel that connection, otherwise I knew it would be an empty experience.
When I did feel this connection, it was almost effortless, they would do so much to help us get together that there was none of the struggle that I heard other people describe.. The struggle only happens when one tries to force the situation and the other is not interested or connected as much.
Also during this time, I solidified a thought of mine, the undeniable truth - women want babies... no matter what they say, it is hard-wired into them.. At some point their clock will go off and they will want them.. When they do - watch out!
Then I met a wonderful man, oddly enough through another interest of mine. I had been very much into reverse engineering, this lead me to a meeting with a guy who shared the same mindset as myself. He spurred me onto taking my reverse engineering skills and my knowledge of the social matrix and putting the two together... He had even coined a phrase for this 'Reality cracking', which lead to many fun hours of discussions and talks with a few friends I collected along the way. He was a friend for a number of years and expanded my mind and thinking a lot, I also found myself authoring many articles for his site and others.
(He is now dead and sorely missed - see http://www.searchlores.org/swansong.htm
[dead link now])
(Updated with new mirror - http://search.lores.eu/swansong.htm
This was where my view of the matrix started to solidify and take real form, all the bits from before came together.
After this I came across the seduction community, during an extended break from work, relaxing and taking care of stuff a friend mentioned it to me and I found myself curious. I embarked on reading up about the whole thing.. So much of what I was reading just did not make sense to me, I could see where they were trying to go however to me it seemed backwards. It seemed like they were taking the traits I had seen in women and using them to get women to like them.
The way that they talked about it being a numbers game and chasing women, collecting numbers - it all FELT wrong to me. I know you can get results like that but it is a LOT of effort. It also went counter to everything the women who I had been with had showed me.
Then I came across the whole 'natural game' movement, this made more sense but still they were keeping elements of the whole PUA thing and some practices which seemed very unnatural to me.
This caused me to look at what I had seen and observed and what they were saying, which helped solidify some of my thoughts about the subject.
All throughout this journey of mine, I found that I was not attracted to the women that friends of mine were chasing or even close. The women that would draw my attention were very different, at that time in a way that I found hard to explain to my friends as they were not grasping what I was trying to explain to them.
They could see the effect it had on me and the women but were very puzzled both by why I was attracted and why the women showed the reaction that they did. Some even tried to 'game' (best description really) some of the women I spent time with and their efforts produced zero results.
They were very puzzled as to why I was not chasing the women they were after and how the ones I was interested in seemed to come to me (they were not seeing a lot of what was going on right in front of their faces), wheras they seemed to have to chase and do lots of numbers to get any results.
I now can define those women as behaving as is described on this forum as 'naturally'. The social women had little or no effect on me, put a natural woman in front of me and the effect is very powerful. My friends could pick it up immediately even if they did not understand why.
One thing I have gained since spending time in this and other forums is a more complete definition of why and what I was experiencing in a way that I can describe to others and also that others have seen and felt this also. This has really helped solidify some of my thoughts and actions even more than before.
I used the word 'natural' to describe these women YEARS before I came across this stuff.
As in 'she is not acting natural' , 'she is not being natural', 'she is acting', 'she is not being herself'. Even saying these things to women at times trying to get them to relax and be themselves, before I gave up on that and led them to that place.
My friends would look at me like I was crazy.... makes me laugh now thinking back to those times, if only I had known then what I know now.... boy!
In a sense, I believe this is what women are on about when they say 'be yourself'.. They are saying don't pretend, be who you are... If I could spot it in women, they sure as hell can spot it in men.
That is probably about as brief as I can make this without missing out crucial steps. Anything less would not really explain in my view, I could go on typing for hours about this but I would really be re-iterating the same points.
This is about the whole matrix thing, not just women.. Women are a part of it, however the whole matrix is a MUCH bigger subject.
The crucial point I guess is, A DISCONNECT HAPPENED
and rather than fighting it, I went along with the flow of it. This gave me a chance to view things from a different perspective.
In a sense I was pushed outside of the matrix and rather than fighting to get back in, I stopped and had a look around. The more I looked, the less I wanted to step back into the matrix.
There have been many people through my life that have tried to drag me kicking and screaming back into the matrix, telling me I am wrong for believing what I do, I do believe it though and they have failed thus far to drag me back in. In some ways my life would have been easier in the matrix however I know that it would not have been happier