Natural Freedom

Working in this restaurant I see tons of beautiful woman showing off their packages. And, among them all while walking back to my car tonight after work at 1am, alone, I thought of how I was never the guy that woman just lost themselves over. Wet in the pants; bedroom eyes; tiger eyes when seeing a hearty meal

What I'm saying is I never was the guy woman fought to have. I was the SAFE guy I guess. And, this isn't a: I want woman to want me so I FEEL GOOD type of thing. What I'm saying and thinking is that if I'm that SAFE guy...how much am I actually living life and being AUTHENTIC?

When Pickup came around yeah I learned some tactics and got a gf, but I was an imposter with lines you know. And, yeah girls started to eye me more. I did have bleach stripes in my hair and dress recklessly . But, they eyed me IMO, because other girls started to talk about me & because I came back from a near fatal accident and was sort of the talk of school for a bit. I'm not sure maybe I'm downplaying myself, but till this day I haven't had a girl want me so badly that she can't control herself anymore. Am I setting my thoughts & expectations to high?

I was and still am the shy, timid, anxious guy deep down inside. I think I may have just layered a lot of communication and pua skills on top of it to dillute it a bit, but it's still there.

I know the a main things is the necessity for me to BELIEVE I can change and be the type of person I want. That for me is number 1.

I would appreciate it greatly if you guys could suggest things (books, videos, exercises, meditations, you name it I'll try it if your serious) to really work on getting past this 'low self esteem' shyness and timidness. Some may say 'look inside and go deeper no need for more books', but I thought I'd ask.

EDIT: When I wrote SAFE I forgot to say...I'm always controlling parts of my life. I take controlled risks much of the time. Rarely will I let the dice roll and go with it. Much to my surprise I'm not big on Casinos. Fear of losing $$$. Yet in all this CONTROL how much am I getting in reward? The answer for me is: NOT enough and not what I'm looking for anymore. Playing safe was a thing of the past. It was TheDude at a young age being the good little boy for mom and pop and all the rest of humanity. Being the shy and scared boy who feared standing up to and questioning authority. Scared of woman, scared of authority, scared of mom, scared of people, scared of MYSELF. All a thing of the past.

I know you're looking for books, but honestly, you don't need them. I'm sure that there are tools to use that will help you look deeper that people will reccomend, but you don't need anything outside yourself.

When you talk about playing it safe, examine why this is so. Question it all and allow any emotions and thoughts that might arise to do their thing. Why do I play it safe? Maybe it's because deep down, you believe that you risk harm to yourself if you let it all go and express yourself without limitations. So you go on, find out why you believe that that is the correct way to go, why you're afraid of when expressing yourself, see where you picked up this belief and why you still have it. On and on, deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole.
Trust me, you're not. It's a belief that you've acquired, and it's now your job to find out why it's there. Question it until you get down to the roots of why you think this way and see whether this is a belief worth having. You have a plethora of knowledge on this forum to blast through this bullshit that you already know is worthless and holding you back. Yet that's on a logical level, you still have to face your demons and confront them. It's not easy though.

_________________
Take it easy, man. But take it.

I replied to the other thread of yours which may (or may not ) spark some inward look as to what a lot of this is about.

I have been working w/ GP Walsh to develop a process for getting in touch w/ this stuff and getting to the root of the matter more quickly and cutting through the layers of bullshit. If you want to run through this with me on skype, PM me- although I'm swamped until July, we can set something up. Totally up to you.

_________________
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTXz8xMaJi4

Well said Moose. This is the human conflict in a nutshell. I can't be completely safe from pain/rejection/death and also express all of myself and experience everything I want to. One has to give and you have an entire system more brilliant and efficient than anything the world has ever seen whose sole purpose is to keep you safe.
Also right on. There's no intellectual cure. There are resources. The resources are like having access to a yoga studio or a gym or a treadmill and perhaps a coach to show you some proper techniques or aid on the journey. You still have to get your ass up and do it consistently, the body is going to hurt and rebuild itself, etc.

Don't be one of those guys who keeps talking about gym equipment and looking for the right shorts or whatever bullshit. Work out.

_________________
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTXz8xMaJi4

Are you really in control?

You do realise control is an illusion?

Are they controlled risks, or limited losses?

Let it go.

_________________
In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.

Amen.

_________________
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTXz8xMaJi4

That's what I seek...RESOURCES. I will do the rest myself. The endless repetitions of hard work and pushing through the pain. I've been in pain for this long. There's no way that pain is going to stop me with this.

I would read The 50th law by Robert Greene. Especially Chapter 9.

_________________
"The heart is deep beyond all things, and it is the man. Even so, who can know him."