Natural Freedom

Hmm, I have a feeling someone has not been reading the important posts, the important books or doing any inner work.

one second I'm making a call....
warning: the tall guy ain't going to be sweet

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"a sniper is the worst romancer, he never makes the first move"

I've read a ton. I ask myself introspective questions to get to the bottom of things. It's a difficult process because approval seeking behavior has been a part of me for so long. At this point I don't have any other option but to address my issues. Emotionally and socially I'm a slow learner because I tend to run away from uncomfortable learning experiences. I'll try to stick around here more regularly though.

Your definitely in the right place The Heart be aware of how you word things though by saying "I'll try" your setting yourself up for failure.

As Yoda always says....

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"The heart is deep beyond all things, and it is the man. Even so, who can know him."

Did you 'have her' in the first place?
What is there to lose?

If she is interested and showing signs of interest, surely she would be the one concerned with losing you, rather than the other way around.

I sense much attachment to outcome, bordering on desperation, to become attached and invested so easily.

A sign of interest is all it takes, what an easy catch, no challenge at all, where is the work in this for her?

One sign of interest and she has you... You are attached and invested in the outcome...

Who is leading and who is following?

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What has she to offer you? what has she done for you? Is she a person of value to you?
There must be something for you to become attached to the outcome after a sign of interest?

Or is all it takes a sign of interest from some random girl without you knowing anything about her?

What is it that you are worried about losing?

Did she really give you that thing you fear losing?


[Note to others, this is for Heart to answer, not you... He has already told us the answer]

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.

Of course there is nothing to lose. This isn't a zero-sum game that I've been ingrained to believe.
This would come down to having standards. If I'm always thinking about what they're thinking about and they are doing likewise...

...then we have a case of the blind leading the blind.
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All very good questions. Just because someone is attractive doesn't mean I should donate my time and energy. The attachment is do to judgement, (ie "she checked ME out" ->ego boost) which produces positives feelings, which drive thoughts of potential, which then causes expectations.
I fear losing the lie I've created about someone that I don't even know. You're right, Grinus, she didn't give me anything. I'm doing all this myself. There's no reason I should judge myself, either negatively or positively, based on what other people do. Especially when they may not even hold themselves to the same standards I hold myself to.

Wow I got this unconsiously but didn't have the ability to put that into words.
Thanks for the articulation of that needy phenomena, peregrinus.

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GMST

Apathy or indifference are internal states and do not have anything to do with external behavior.

Apathy doesn't mean you are sitting in the corner and indifference doesnt mean you are mr. social or "the party."

People have been socialized and will override their feelings or just do what we believe we are "supposed" to do in a situation for all sorts of reasons.

You could "do" either from either state and even being indifferent does not mean it will always manifest itself as lots of energy or social. It will feel different of course but not everyone in the world is perceptive enough to see the difference. Fortunately you won't give a shit by that point.

You can be walking around talking to people plastering on a smile with a feeling like you are piece of shit and this is all meaningless (you can feel this even while having sex and getting everything you want. Celebrity suicides, anyone?) And you can be sitting there quietly but feeling absolutely content.

It is always a waste of time to try to compartmentalize internal states into packages that say they will look a certain way or even always bring a certain result. Saying the indifferent guy will do xyz, have xyz type of relationship etc is a concept in the head and total bullshit. You will be more and more YOURSELF and thankfully not everyone on this planet gives a shit about the same things. You may find yourself committing more deeply to some practice or purpose in your life and barely think about getting laid.

As Kidd said - 'i don't care' - no passion, no engagement in life
'not attached to the outcome' - which means there is a PROCESS going on for there to be a potential outcome. Engagement in life. Can be deeply passionate.

It does not *look* any particular way.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTXz8xMaJi4