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PostPosted: Tue May 18, 2010 3:29 pm 
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Welcome to the new subforum especially for topics about dating, meeting and connecting the/with women/men (for women).

The first discussion I would like to start is a common debate but I haven't seen it discussed in the relm forum or the following Naturalawakening forum.

When it comes to meeting new women, is it better to approach and/or wait to get approached?

What do you guys think? What do you guys DO?

Please give an explanation of your opinion, like your own experience or other reasons for your opinion.

Well, let the discussion begin ;)

Ps. I intentionally didn't use the word "seduction" because I think the meaning behind this word is wrong. If you're an authentical man you don't have to work on a women that she acts against her will. A natural connection is approved to the same degree by both participants.


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PostPosted: Wed May 19, 2010 2:16 am 
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I will approach women, but I prefer that we hit that fuckin hot eye contact first. That's how I know it's on.

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PostPosted: Thu May 20, 2010 4:45 am 
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When it comes to meeting new women, is it better to approach and/or wait to get approached?

What do you guys think? What do you guys DO?

Please give an explanation of your opinion, like your own experience or other reasons for your opinion.

Well, let the discussion begin
I met an attractive girl about 2 years ago, I went to that place about 2 times a week to a little medical center to drive my father there. But for about 2 months I didn't approach, cause I was waiting for a 'good excuse' to approach her. I used to carry a book to read, and I just sat there reading near her place and just said hi in a normal way, but no more talking. I think she's used that men approach her many times and make conversation. One day she find the way to approach (I bet she was kind of intrigued), and I also did my part and introduce myself, btw many 'gurus' told you not to introduce yourself until you got IOI's, but once I read another that says that introducing yourself with confidence is powerful (I didn't know it then).
In these cases where you have the chance to see her periodically I think that could be better wait to get approached, but I think that nothing is written on stone when meeting women.

I think I let her some 'space' for the attraction to grow.

Few days after I began searching help on the Internet, and then I found Simon Heong stuff, and then other PUA's and at some point I think I was doing good, but also that stuff is in some way just acting (as everyone here knows) someone you're not. And I screwed up.

Other times when you see a women on the street, I think it's better to approach, until you got higher levels of attraction like Cory or Brent where 'things happen'. Just watch out with her mood, many times men are trying to approach women that are almost running because they're getting late, or men that aren't paying attention only to their own moods (in their heads) and later they regret they got rejected! When obviously these men were only paying attention to their own situation and not using common sense.

BTW Nice avatar Vegano!
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PostPosted: Thu May 20, 2010 4:35 pm 
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I approach cause women in my area don't approach men, however maybe it's a limiting beleife and after I get the right mindset I will get approached, who knows?

Ryan told me that women in his area also don't approach men but after using MM and getting a correct mindset women started to approach him.....

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PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2010 8:52 pm 
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Very interesting topic in wondering, does one approach or does one not approach?? Well in the grand scheme of things what is it that you want? What ultimately matters? Do you want to make small talk or do you want attraction? Do you want to bed the woman or just want the egoic satisfaction of knowing that you could?

Me personally I don't ever approach women anymore (at least not in the way PUA's speak of). I never approach in the hopes of getting something anymore. I cannot begin to tell you how many times women have approached me just because of who I was and what I was doing, and NOT GIVING A FUCK ABOUT WHAT ANYONE ELSE THOUGHT!! I remember specifically about a girl that was with a group and I ended up getting her phone number from this club we were in. Well it didn't work out, big deal. The thing was when I was back at that club a couple weeks later a friend of hers (who was there the night I got that phone number) asked me if I was upset that the girl didn't call me back. I said no it didn't bother me. Now right then and there my awareness was hightened because in all honesty why would she even care about my feelings toward her friend if she didn't feel something for me in the first place? I went along with it had fun that night, only to find that she comes up to me later and dances with me. When I tell you guys how wild she was all on my crotch it had almost the entire dancefloor looking at us. She even told me later "you know I usually don't date guys like you, I like bigger,more muscular guys." I'm skinny as hell (think Dave Chappelle), but I couldn't help but laugh because all I was doing was being myself and truly expressing it!!

I say all this because guys don't really need to approach. If they decide to then fine, but be a MAN when you do!! Most times I have found that if you are confident in your masculinity, that open energy will gives girls a reason for them to approach you. They will come up with all kinds of crazy reasons to "open" you.



p.s. Just to let you know that girl wanted me real bad!! However, she pursued me like men who just think with their dicks pursue women! That behavior coupled with the pursing nature she had turned me off big time. The funny thing was other dudes wanted her and she was coming after me. I learned a lesson that day, it takes much more than the stimulation of my loins to get me to bed a woman!!!!


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PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2010 9:52 pm 
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Also, I forgot to mention that I have so much fun teasing and poking fun at women that I don't even feel a need to approach. I can be playful, and silly for my own amusement first and foremost. Anything else after that would be a byproduct.


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PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2010 11:53 pm 
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Great post Inrgee.

Actually you give once more an example of the concept of indifference. Not giving a damn if you have a woman or not. Another example how attractive this is for women. Another example why this is the reason for women to approach you. Another example why it doesn't really work to approach a woman because you WANT something from her. Why should you approach if you are just happy with yourself, and I mean completely. The only reason why you start talking to someone then is for the sake of talking to someone. For the sake of having a good time with somebody else. You are just yourself.

This is the real thing. This is AUTHENTICAL. I don't use the "alpha" word but this is it.

Thanks Inrgee for your great message which is a great example for what the "real thing" looks like.


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PostPosted: Sun May 23, 2010 2:18 am 
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I can appreciate your swagg, Ingree. Keep it up, my man! :mrgreen:

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PostPosted: Sun May 23, 2010 4:36 am 
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Vegano wrote:
Great post Inrgee.

Actually you give once more an example of the concept of indifference. Not giving a damn if you have a woman or not. Another example how attractive this is for women. Another example why this is the reason for women to approach you. Another example why it doesn't really work to approach a woman because you WANT something from her.
I'm glad I could be of some help Vegano,


Let me just also add here that just because I don't approach women (in the respect of trying to shag them) anymore doesn't mean that I don't have the desire to approach! The desires of the flesh never go away no matter how mature you devlop as a man. The only thing that seperates gentlemen from dogs, and guys who are trying to find/living their purpose and those that don't even care enough to think about such a thing is choice!! Yea i'll see women and still feel the lust of passion for them. However, not only do I choose not to, but I remember what that path was when I was dumb enough to take it a few years ago, thinking that all these women (and the sex that comes with it) would be happiness for me. Why not bask in the enjoyment of a natural connection knowing that you can feel sexual attraction with the control of knowing that you are ok without having to act out on it?

So in a sense there is no need for me to resist that desire that my flesh has, but instead embrace it and realize that I am a more mature man now. I choose, however not to act out on it knowing that the power is reserved for me!! That sounds egoic at first but when you can transcend that lust it really does make you more powerful (I mean who would want to be pussy-whopped their whole damn life?). The thing is the foundation in which your power stems from! So if you don't have a concrete foundation, or your foundation is faulty, then you're not going to be as powerful as a man that you can be, and that women want you to be. It took me a long time to find mine and now I am just starting to build on it. Nevertheless, feeling my power grow every single time that I overcome an obstacle of the flesh. Not to say that I don't want to induldge, but I know who I am as a person. There are so many women out here that are just not my type at all. What good would it do me for me to share my intimacy with a woman that I know isin't on her own spiritual journey, or at least living according to her feminine nature? I want a woman who mirrors me, yet is that polar opposite in energy!! Anything less would be a waste, or should I say uncivilized!! ;) Hahaha, sorry, had to say it...


The Kidd!! wrote:
I can appreciate your swagg, Ingree. Keep it up, my man! :mrgreen:

Thanks man, let me just say that I have been reading your posts, very funny yet true indeed man! Let me ask you however, if you don't mind... you said that in one of your posts that you have been working on years of this mindset that you currently have. How did your mindset come about and what mindset is that specifically? I guess i'm asking you to explain your value system a bit.


Later folks


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PostPosted: Sun May 23, 2010 8:22 am 
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Quote:
Let me just also add here that just because I don't approach women (in the respect of trying to shag them) anymore doesn't mean that I don't have the desire to approach! The desires of the flesh never go away no matter how mature you devlop as a man.
I guess you mean it that way: You see an attractive women and your nature/flesh reacts to her? Because I don't know why a man should have the desire to approach if he isn't attached to the outcome. I don't mean "being social" for the sake of being social here.


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PostPosted: Sun May 23, 2010 10:37 am 
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Vegano wrote:
When it comes to meeting new women, is it better to approach and/or wait to get approached?
Wait to get approached - nah.... Do your stuff, if they want to they will... don't wait for them, wait is really the wrong word.
Vegano wrote:
What do you guys think? What do you guys DO?
Personally, I do not 'approach' as such. I may have a chat with someone but it is not thinking appproach, it is usually because they have put themselves close to me, or really grabbed my awareness, however it is not from the mindset of approach - more of lets see what they are about.
They have to come to me, this is not an ego thing, it comes from hrm.. ok, firstly I would say it shows their interest level in you, shows they have the nerve to do it, that they have had a good enough read on you, that they are not just playing as a validation/ego monkey. They will either bring their group along (relatively common) or isolate themselves to come over, which works in both of your benefits. It also makes them more compliant, as they are doing something they want to do in the first place, it sets you apart from most of the guys chasing them constantly.
It also gives them what they truly want, as said before.. They love the chase and the thrill of the chase, they want to have to work for what they will get, that way it feels more valuable when they achieve their aim.
Inrgee wrote:
Most times I have found that if you are confident in your masculinity, that open energy will gives girls a reason for them to approach you. They will come up with all kinds of crazy reasons to "open" you.
This is so true.

When they do 'open' you as Inrgee puts it, they will do things that will blow your mind openness wise (at least at the start).. Similar to Kidd's story where she just walks up and sits in his lap.
Really once motivated they will do things that will bring a smile to your face and hers, they can be very ballsy indeed, I have found myself bursting into laughter at some of the things that have happened over the years, they also did as they appreciated that I had noticed just what they had done.

..

I had one woman, a few years ago who walked up to where I was sitting with two friends, she just sat down next to me, without looking at me first, linked her arm into mine, I looked at her wondering who she was, she looked me in the eyes and said 'I want to meet you, I have been watching you and want to spend time with you' (really relaxed body language, not nervous at all, like she had known me for years, not full on, she was comfortable sitting there). One of my friends nearly fell off his chair the other ones jaw hit the table, quite literally he was just staring at her totally surprised.

We had a really natural conversation, she had no nerves at all. (she had made up her mind what she was going to do, she knew I would not freak out or anything and she DID IT) I did not either, the way she approached showed me she was someone I wanted to meet also, someone I wanted to find more about. Someone who was on a similar wavelength to me.

Gradually as the night went on, her WHOLE group of friends gradually gravitated across the venue to around where we were sitting, till there was about 40-50 people surrounding us. I did not notice until they were pretty much all there and suddenly looked up to see us sitting in this sea of people, we had been so in the bubble talking. My friends ended up being chatted to by some of her friends.
A couple of her what seemed like really close female friends tried to muscle in on the conversation and tried challenging me lightly and got firmly but quietly put in their place by her at which point they stopped being that way and just relaxed into it. I had not reacted to them at all negatively and took their comments as playful jealousy, let them ride and let her deal with them, they were her friends.

The manageress of the place (who I knew) caught me when I was coming back from the toilets at some point and gave me one of my favourite drinks with a real big smile on her face, she said she had not seen anything like that for years and it really made her day, she could not believe it. She also leaned into me and said 'That girl wants fucking tonight', I remember clearly smiling at her in a half way and saying 'I know', she beamed at me and sent me back to them.

The whole group was watching us, my friends told me later, I was aware of it partially but they laid out to me just how much later when we talked.
I ended up saying it was time we left to my friends. My friends were in a seperate car and said they would wait leave later. I got up, looked at her and put my hand out to her and she just put hers in it and I led her out to my car - she followed without hesitation, there were a few gasps from others in the group but not of surprise. We Left.

I later heard from my friends that within about 2-3 minutes of us leaving the whole group had dispersed and gone to other areas of the venue, in smaller groups and they were left on their own and then they left.

They still talk about it today, every now and then one or the other of them will bring up the story. Really nice memory to look back upon, how the evening went and the whole vibe of the whole thing.
After that night they started to listen to some of the things I had been saying to them for years, they had both said I was crazy at some point or another - that night blew their perceptions apart.

I had not noticed her at ALL prior to her coming up to me, my friends had not noticed her either, she had been hidden within her group which was on the other side of the venue.

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PostPosted: Sun May 23, 2010 11:46 am 
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Awesome, Peregrinus!

I really don't regreat having opened this topic :)

About "waiting to get approached" you're absolutely right. Waiting is the very wrong word for it and I didn't intend on saying, that one has to WAIT to get approached. Since when you wait for something to happen you still are attached to it and want. "Oh, I want that blond woman coming over to me"...


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PostPosted: Sun May 23, 2010 1:45 pm 
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The desires of the flesh never go away no matter how mature you devlop as a man
You can't wish such desires away they are a part of human impulse and nature and we all know how powerful nature is ;)

Although what you are doing inrgee is outstanding on how you control your sexual desires and not deny or repress them I'm am still working on this I've become horny and my only outlet is working out I'm working on becoming multi orgasmic so I can control my animal desires with a higher consciousness

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PostPosted: Sun May 23, 2010 11:31 pm 
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Vegano wrote:
Quote:
Let me just also add here that just because I don't approach women (in the respect of trying to shag them) anymore doesn't mean that I don't have the desire to approach! The desires of the flesh never go away no matter how mature you devlop as a man.
I guess you mean it that way: You see an attractive women and your nature/flesh reacts to her? Because I don't know why a man should have the desire to approach if he isn't attached to the outcome. I don't mean "being social" for the sake of being social here.

Let me try to explain a bit better what I mean. You and others have read about when I speak of living with an open heart both on this, Karl's and on the RELM forum. Well i'm not always in a state of heart-openness. I'm not always in a giving mood. Sometimes i'm angry, sometimes i'm selfish, sometimes i'm down right lustful. However, I mean to say that no matter what I can still make a CHOICE to how I respond to those e-motions. With that being said i'm not always in a state of transcendence. I say this because I wan't to clearly state that just because I can, it doen't mean that there is nothing left to conquer. I don't want others on the forum to misinterpret that it's a one and done process. It's on going as it always is. However, when you do make the choice (and continue to make the choice) not to indulge or give into it like a slave, the stronger you become. The less responsive you are to that in which is trying to enslave you e-motionally. Like I mentioned before, your strength is only as strong as the foundation in which have built upon! So yes there are times that I do feel that I want to approach, maybe because my mindset is not as strong as others here on this forum. Nevertheless, I refuse to let the temptation control me, and with that I am strong. Maybe one day my mindset will be strong enough so that I don't respond at all, but I would be the wrong person to talk about that since I am not there e-motionally as of yet.


peregrinus wrote:


I had not noticed her at ALL prior to her coming up to me, my friends had not noticed her either, she had been hidden within her group which was on the other side of the venue.

Really a testament to how e-motionally aware and perceptive women truly are. What they notice before we as men could ever truly begin to comprehend!!


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PostPosted: Tue May 25, 2010 3:25 am 
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To better explain what I meant in my last post in this thread I am reminded of a recent experience...


I was at a bar watching some football with a couple friends. The place was packed and we were lucky enough to have found some seats. After a bit of looking around I caught the glimpse of a very attractive woman! Now immediately my body was responding with the lustful urges that men get. However, I knew that those responses were not only unnatural because, i'm desiring her for nothing more than her physical apparence, I was also responding to what she could give me without any regard for the value that I could bring her.

I then refused to approach her at all!! I allowed myself to calm down and relax, and just enjoy the time at that bar. Later on when I had to get up and break the seal, I lost my seat. It turned out that I ended up getting a spot next to her when I came back. We start chatting, yada yada yada, and before you knew it I was just completely relaxed without any agenda on my part. Before you knew it I was chatting up so many other people besides her that I didn't know in the bar. Later that night more friends of mine came and she decided to join our group because of me. After the game was over we all went to another bar and she of course tagged along. Even when I decided to call it a night and leave, she left right with me, hehehehe, ;)

Of course I ended up getting her phone number just from feeling the attraction she had for me, but my point is I refused to give in to my lustful desires on first glance to approach so that when I was relaxed, my natural attractive self could emerge from that place of sufficiency of my giving toward others (hense not just her but many other people in that bar). Even my friends that came later asked me if I knew all these people before hand. I replied with laughs that I didn't know them, I was just having fun talking to everybody!!

So imagine that, the girl I was feeling lustful towards at first ended up being attracted to me anyway as the night went on, but only because I made sure that I was right within myself!!


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2012 4:17 pm 
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UP for all to see.
Ingree and Grinus combo (Grinus, it was indeed another moment, wasn't it :mrgreen: )

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No matter HOW smart you think you ARE, there will ALWAYS be somebody who is smarter than you. So never underestimate people.


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2012 4:42 pm 
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GoldenBoy wrote:
UP for all to see.
Ingree and Grinus combo (Grinus, it was indeed another moment, wasn't it :mrgreen: )
Indeed it was GoldenBoy.

Thats two today, well found..

Have added them to the moments thread.

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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