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 Post subject: Trusting Yourself
PostPosted: Mon Aug 30, 2021 10:55 pm 
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Joined: Mon Sep 21, 2020 12:29 pm
Posts: 91
Somewhere in the midst of interviews that I've been facing — I decided to let go of trying to control the outcome. Trying to figure out what they wanted.

I knew I wanted to go slower, to take my time.

I took some time to settle down beforehand, to notice and accept what I was feeling.

Decided to bring myself to the present, and trust myself to respond.

No defences or pretensions - just exactly as I am. Decided that was enough.

Choosing to believe in myself, to trust myself.

In an interview just over a week ago, I was really challenged: "is this who you are?", "how are you so one-dimensional?" ect

"This is just who I am".

Didn't hear back, but my relationship with the interview was different - felt I had brought myself to it, and if there was a puzzle to solve - it was only interesting rather than personal.

On Monday last week I received an offer.

--

Today, a different interview.

A new level of comfort, having an option helps no doubt; but I'm noticing a comfort had grown in just trusting myself — to handle it as it comes.

_________________
You may follow one stream. Know that it leads to the Ocean, but do not mistake the stream for the Ocean.


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 Post subject: Re: Trusting Yourself
PostPosted: Sat Sep 11, 2021 5:46 pm 
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Joined: Mon Sep 21, 2020 12:29 pm
Posts: 91
Question for Peregrinus
peregrinus wrote: *
I would ask myself, what is it that stops me letting go?
peregrinus wrote: *
Each of us discover in our own way, I truly believe that. Each of us has some things we've gone through thats changed it. Had an effect on whatever it is that was 'blocking us' or 'tieing us up in knots'

Again, I would ask, why am I insecure, what is stopping me feeling secure in myself, trusting in my abilities, trusting my gut. What do I doubt about myself.

Knowing yourself.
I had found this useful.

_________________
You may follow one stream. Know that it leads to the Ocean, but do not mistake the stream for the Ocean.


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 Post subject: Re: Trusting Yourself
PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2021 10:54 am 
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Hineini wrote: *
I knew I wanted to go slower, to take my time.
I took some time to settle down beforehand, to notice and accept what I was feeling.
Decided to bring myself to the present, and trust myself to respond.
exactly as I am. Decided that was enough.
Hineini wrote: *
I decided to let go of trying to control the outcome. Trying to figure out what they wanted.
Imho, this is a big shift when it happens.

Bringing your internal focus from them to you. It changes the whole interview process in a fundamental way imho.
Hineini wrote: *
my relationship with the interview was different - felt I had brought myself to it, and if there was a puzzle to solve - it was only interesting rather than personal.
I would wager that your responses to their questions/testing changed dramatically as well.
the whole 'lens' of the interview was different.

I smile and find it ironic that bringing yourself more to it makes it less personal.
Hineini wrote: *
A new level of comfort, having an option helps no doubt; but I'm noticing a comfort had grown in just trusting myself — to handle it as it comes.
Trusting yourself

bravo

a question would be what differences have you noticed since, when idly thinking about interviews, the process, other things it is affecting?
Has it changed your view of your approach previous to this?

_________________
In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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 Post subject: Re: Trusting Yourself
PostPosted: Fri Sep 17, 2021 6:25 pm 
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Joined: Mon Sep 21, 2020 12:29 pm
Posts: 91
peregrinus wrote: *
I would wager that your responses to their questions/testing changed dramatically as well.
the whole 'lens' of the interview was different.

I smile and find it ironic that bringing yourself more to it makes it less personal.
Curious that. Something about the standards of success being internal and in my control maybe. Wasn't really about whether they 'rejected' me or not, and more about whether I could just listen carefully and respond to what was happening in the present.. as it unfolded.
peregrinus wrote: *
a question would be what differences have you noticed since, when idly thinking about interviews, the process, other things it is affecting?
Has it changed your view of your approach previous to this?
Interestingly, I had another couple of panel interviews the week after for a separate and slightly better program.

I didn't have to be there, and I went - completely different process. I had some pretty strong opinions that I shared that I probably would have held back from usually, had been more cautious previously, not wanting to step on toes.

Usually I would walk away after one of these interviews dissecting it backwards; for both of these I walked away without any concerns. They asked at the follow-up how I thought the last one had gone, "I feel I said what I needed to say.. no regrets".

And I KNEW I had it.

Lo and behold, got another offer over the weekend. Didn't raise an eyebrow.

--

A lot of learning for me in the whole process. Several months preparation. Interviews lasted over a month.

2 things really stand out:

I did not believe I could do it. I really believed after the first one, given how competitive they were that I would not get in.

I really, truly, did not believe it.

But I showed up anyways. That's what counts in my mind - the positivity isn't necessary, just show up.

The second, that trusting yourself is a choice. That doesn't mean you aren't going to feel anxious, incompetent, awkward, flustered whatever - but really choosing to trust oneself, is trusting oneself WITH all the feelings and reactions. In my mind, confidence isn't a feeling, it's bigger than that - it's a choice to act even with everything that comes up, even with all the doubt.

_________________
You may follow one stream. Know that it leads to the Ocean, but do not mistake the stream for the Ocean.


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 Post subject: Re: Trusting Yourself
PostPosted: Sat Sep 18, 2021 12:26 pm 
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Hineini wrote: *
The second, that trusting yourself is a choice. That doesn't mean you aren't going to feel anxious, incompetent, awkward, flustered whatever - but really choosing to trust oneself, is trusting oneself WITH all the feelings and reactions. In my mind, confidence isn't a feeling, it's bigger than that - it's a choice to act even with everything that comes up, even with all the doubt.
Quote:
from dictionary.com

Confidence
full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing:
belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance:
certitude; assurance

Courage
the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.
I would say it is a combination of both the above

in my mind the two are intertwined
Hineini wrote: *
I did not believe I could do it. I really believed after the first one, given how competitive they were that I would not get in.

I really, truly, did not believe it.

But I showed up anyways.
This reminds me of this thread: viewtopic.php?p=48807#p48807

Your internal didnt believe it
Your external was pushed to the state of doing it, the preparation, the pep talks, the buildup etc. and then showed up

at some point during the process, your internal got enough feedback and whatever, to start believing
by the end of the process it did and had caught up

instead of 'snapping back' it 'snapped forward'

then left you in this unfamiliar place to get used to it :)
Hineini wrote: *
Usually I would walk away after one of these interviews dissecting it backwards; for both of these I walked away without any concerns. They asked at the follow-up how I thought the last one had gone, "I feel I said what I needed to say.. no regrets".

And I KNEW I had it.
Seriously nice feeling that one, imho..

no need to dissect, the reason had been removed

am curious as to ongoing changes that you have experienced since this event, mainly for other readers who come across this.. seeing as it is still fresh for you.

Bravo Hineini , bravo

a final note:
Hineini wrote: *
really choosing to trust oneself, is trusting oneself WITH all the feelings and reactions.

_________________
In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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 Post subject: Re: Trusting Yourself
PostPosted: Wed Sep 22, 2021 7:53 pm 
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Joined: Mon Sep 21, 2020 12:29 pm
Posts: 91
peregrinus wrote: *
Quote:
from dictionary.com

Confidence...

...trust...

...Courage
in my mind the two are intertwined
I am inclined to agree with you.
peregrinus wrote: *
This reminds me of this thread: viewtopic.php?p=48807#p48807
Very much a follow-on.
peregrinus wrote: *
instead of 'snapping back' it 'snapped forward'

then left you in this unfamiliar place to get used to it :)
knowing what was possible :) - and not the outcome, but my ability to bring myself to it and respond.
peregrinus wrote: *
am curious as to ongoing changes that you have experienced since this event, mainly for other readers who come across this.. seeing as it is still fresh for you.
I found myself going ahead with a number of things without much thought - a website, new clients, marketing. I could have done these things all along but I was blocked somehow. In some ways it was hugely validating for me to get the two offers.

It also hasn't been the end of difficulty and challenge at all — even in some situations that were far less intimidating than the interviews, I have found that the present moment gets returned to again and again: sometimes there is fear, anxiety, discomfort. There was a time recently where it got the better of me too. And that was okay, I noticed it, noted it and how I want to meet it next time, and let it go.

I think my perspective has been altered: it's a little wider. The challenges keep coming... and meeting them still calls for courage and willingness. I can see this in relation to clients, studies, attractions.

It's intimidating to put oneself out there, and that's also why it's exciting.

I'm more willing to. I will say, some successes have normalised some possibilities. There is a growing pattern of engagement — but even before the successes I have been growing that pattern, and the successes have been because of that — choosing to keep showing up and taking steps "towards".

There are other areas in my life where I'm seeing this same willingness growing, and some awareness too of some patterns of the reverse that I've had: an unwillingness and avoidance of engaging. When it's come to girls that I'm interested in, I've been realising how I have become cold and disengaging... careful to not show any interest. Protecting myself from a bad or disinterested reaction.. or more fundamentally what it might bring up in me: embarrassment, self-consciousness, shame.

So I have a growing willingness for engaging.. including the possibility of what is painful or uncomfortable that might come up.
peregrinus wrote: *
a final note:
Hineini wrote: *
really choosing to trust oneself, is trusting oneself WITH all the feelings and reactions.
An ongoing lesson to be practiced again and again.

_________________
You may follow one stream. Know that it leads to the Ocean, but do not mistake the stream for the Ocean.


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 Post subject: Re: Trusting Yourself
PostPosted: Wed Oct 06, 2021 10:05 pm 
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Joined: Mon Sep 21, 2020 12:29 pm
Posts: 91
Almost surprised no one called me out on this:
Quote:
When it's come to girls that I'm interested in
rather than seeing who is interested in me :D



All the same, I meant it in this way: I notice girls who are interested in me, I see signs, some obvious, others subtle... I'm attracted back AND I have this frustrating as anything pattern of pulling away, as if I might 'mess it up'. Only with the girls that I'm actually interested in / attracted to.

It's like I'm used to feeling more in control by being cool and letting the interest come.. and then thinking it's because I've been cool and if I show any interest in return I'm going to fuck the game. :roll:

Now I'm thinking lately that I've probably been misattributing interest to things I'm doing / not doing when it was never really so in my control anyways. And that's kind of nice.. I'm really aiming overall to just free myself from trying to control how others feel/think about me.. and just enjoy the one's who appreciate me..

Theory & practice. Noticing that 'perfectionism' gets in my way — a little too much head knowledge at times. Having to relearn to take little imperfect steps.

Something I heard the other day that I really liked: "an adventure is where you don't know what will happen". There's something of the adventure in every encounter where you are just not in control of the outcome.

_________________
You may follow one stream. Know that it leads to the Ocean, but do not mistake the stream for the Ocean.


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