Natural Freedom

Their position is elevated by attaching themselves to someone with greater value than what they and others perceive their own position to be.

So the person creating the value isn't also attached to it, because they created it in this situation.

Before the girl - be happy

When with the girl - be happy

When the girl is gone - be happy

It could be the crutch that holds them up. In my experience I used to do this - have value I was attached to, because of the 'results' it would bring me.

To bring it around again, I think commitment stems from fear. In relationships, if I depend on marriage to keep my partner loyal, then I'm coming from the wrong place - I should've screened them before getting married.

If I'm the guy that having a women in my life is more like a cherry on top of an already good sundae, then I'm in a good position. If she stays or goes, I should be okay. If the girl in my life is 'my sundae' then I'm not in such a good position - as soon as she leaves I'm without ice cream.

If I'm the guy that having a women in my life is more like a cherry on top of an already good sundae, then I'm in a good position. If she stays or goes, I should be okay.

Curious on this..
(1) Would you say it was easy for you to generate this value, ie more of it?
(2) Did you treat it (internally) as a limited quantity thing?
(3) Was it something that ended up owning you? (excuse the phrasing)

As you mention, this only makes sense if there is a fear of loss.
Why would you even think about it leaving, or losing it.. you would just enjoy it, its there..
If you do think about it leaving, and you knew you could not easily replace it, then fear could come into it.

(1) No, it wasn't easy to generate more of it, because it wasn't coming naturally. I feel like for the longest time I've been 'adding' layers onto myself instead of taking them. While I think others might've not seen through the act - I was aware it wasn't a genuine value; does that makes sense?
(2) I don't know. I'm not sure I view it as an internal thing. Are you aware of the values you have that come from within you?
(3) It became something I ended up hiding behind.

If I take #1 and #2, if you are treating it as a limited resource, would that affect how others see it also?
(leading, following) and how would it affect your internal state in relation to that value. Your projection externally of the internal state and the congruence or in-congruence of that.

Yes it would, because on some level it would show. I'm thinking of an analogy - the value of an apple tree is the apples, the apples come and go, the tree doesn't try to hold onto the apples forever.

I'm going to go with this as it tweaked me, after a day of stripping a house apart and rewiring.

Say you have an apple tree, its young, still learning..

It thinks i'm just a tree, thats it..

One year it starts being covered in this wonderful display of pretty flowers, people go oooh and aaaah at the sight, new insects and wildlife start visiting the tree and leaving with a spring in their step. A few weeks later, these strange things start growing all over the tree where the flowers were, gradually growing into fruit, getting bigger and bigger.. The tree notices people and animals flocking to it, taking the fruit from the branches or if they fell off, where they lay on the ground.

This goes on for weeks, every day, until one day, no more apples are left on the tree.

Gradually the visits tail off and the tree is trying to work out ways to get the flowers or fruit to come again, nothing it does seems to make a difference. Try and try again, nothing works. Finally, the tree resigns itself to the loss of all the attention, the loss of the flowers and fruit.

The tree thinks its just a tree again.

The days pass.

One day a flower starts to grow on one of the branches of the tree...

Here is a thought for you GoldenBoy...

The apples are meant to be taken, its how the seeds spread and how others know the apples are there.

The things I value the most highly strength, truthfulness, and courage can only be given never taken.

The things I value the most highly strength, truthfulness, and courage can only be given never taken.

Not male values.

Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.

The things I value the most highly strength, truthfulness, and courage can only be given never taken.

Okay, but I still think that these are characteristic that are naturally selected for in men. I want to know if I can trust the guy next to me or if he is weak.