Well, I should have been more clear in my post.
For the most part I refered to your Pimposophy, the posts that you wrote like 10 years ago. I didn't understand them, took them as something different as what they really are. As I said, I thought about them as a technique, as "acting" not being. The same about your normal forum posts that refered to the pimposophy section. But you had many other posts which I understood in the right way where you clearly stated that its about the mindset.
So it comes down to me not understand the true meaning of a lot of your posts and therefore not learning anything from them. But also to me still waiting for the "magic pill". Like my "hope" in doing affirmations and someday just waking up an BEING it. Responsibility for myself? Not really.
Lightbulb moment: It was not one single point. In the last few months I'v noticed several things and got more aware concerning my behaviour towards the outer world and myself in general. Noticing how much bullshit it really is to be concerned about how others react to me, being aware that there is an "I" that exists for himself and not for the reactions of other people, especially women. Yay, writing this down feels great... And with this awareness I remembered your posts and messages from others, like the "bubble" from Angelo or the "observer" from you. And I saw them in a different light. The observer/happy man lives for himself, and he observes and has relationships with other people because he likes it, not because he needs it.
Don't understand me wrong, I was not a broken person before. I have a great life, great friends, many hobbies and I love my studies (Philosophy). But I was in a certain very limited paradigm of self-development, a mixture of things I learned as a child, still much crap left from my time in the PU community, wrong understanding of certain things and quite important, a certain helplessness concerning changing myself. Feeling overwhelmed by my own negative beliefs.
I hope, this makes stuff clearer so you may understand