I understand that you are a big on giving space and letting women close the space.
My question(s) do you use game (ie. flirting, seduction, manipulation, push - pull) at all ?
I ask because I am not particularly fond of it but from my personal experience it seems to be the gap closer and deal sealer in the mating dance.
Tha Kidd explains his method I want to know more about yours if you have any.
I have to say good question, it caused me to pause for some time.
I would say, myself that I do not use any kind of formal game type system, in that sense.
-
Manipulation I see as a means to change someones actions/view/thoughts/etc. e.g. to make them more likely to do something they are unsure about like go on a date with you or sleep with you.
Seduction is an interesting one, I would put that with manipulation.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seduction
A nope on both, for various reasons.
If they are unsure or not interested, thats cool, there will be another time, another place. walk away. I would rather not try to change their minds, for many reasons.
-
For flirting, once things have opened up and we are on a level, yes.
I do not do flirting for fun, for validation or amusement.
Flirting with intent yes, flirting with no intent or hiding it, no.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flirting
To a degree, I am of the view that flirting and push pull are the same thing, or very closely related. More that flirting is before a certain level of intent then it becomes part of the whole push pull thing afterwards.
Flirting with no intent, is like a fake pull. A pull with nothing behind it. Its nothing without intent. It feels very much like attention/validation seeking to me.
Flirting with intent is a pull.
the label flirting, imho, is really to give people plausable deniability and a get out of jail card.. 'oh i was just flirting, i didnt mean anything by it'
as said on the wiki page:
Flirting in the goal of signalling interest appears as a puzzling phenomenon when considering that flirting is often performed very subtly. In fact, evidence shows that people are often mistaken in how they interpret flirting behaviours.[18] Thus, if a main purpose of flirting is to signal interest to the other person, why isn't this signalling done more clearly and explicitly?
Personally, I would rather signal my intent/interest in more overt ways, when I want to, that way there are no misunderstandings on either side.
If they are unsure or not interested, thats cool, there will be another time, another place. walk away. I would rather not try to change their minds.
..
In some senses I see flirting with intent as something to get you both to a level where push pull WILL work and you can transition to that without the veil of flirting. Its a starting point where one (or both) sides are unsure, or at different energies/levels and want to feel the other out, then once that foundation is laid, the transition to push pull occurs.. but without that common ground push pull has a good chance not to work as there is no foundation to base it on, no common ground, no awareness of 'where' the other person is or the relation between your states.
-
so, that leaves push pull.
this in a way powers things imho. It also lets you explore each other.
without it, where is the energy, where is the motion, where is the emotion
push, pull, withdraw, advance
create space, remove space
There is the odd case when you are both on the same level straight away, if so skip this.. otherwise
Somehow the two of you need to change the energy level, find common ground and get in sync, to a greater or lesser degree. As much as you need to for the setting and activity.
(vibing - sync)
Either they meet you, you meet them or you meet each other.
If you dont sync, this can be jarring and will not fit well. If you are running at different speeds, energy levels, directions, goals etc etc etc. Some will jar more, some less.
As you start to fit each other better, energy and level wise, you start to notice things go a lot smoother for both of you, letting you both relax and open more. In a sense it becomes more unconcious the more you two sync.
I also very much think this becomes a dance and pretty much unconcious as you two sync, its going on yet you arent really aware of it, its 'just' how it happens. it 'flows'
(an example is where you've had an interaction/conversation that has gone on for an extended period and you havent really had to stop and think, its just seemed to flow without much thought, you are both on the same level, thinking similar, following the same path)
When it doesnt, you know it doesnt.. when it does, you do
If you watch/observe it, you can see it happening, the changes, the pushes, the pulls, the switches, how the energy flows, how the energy changes. How it pretty much has to. (you can watch this in other people, in interviews, tape yourself etc)
In a sense, you are both showing each other where you are and how to get to where you both need to be at that moment - for things to click and sync. That you are both aiming for the same goal, alternatively that you are not and its better to walk away.
(this imho is where manipulation and seduction enter from stage left, if you go that route)
If they are unsure or not interested, thats cool, there will be another time, another place. walk away. I would rather not try to change their minds.
When you are in sync or getting there, then you can both work on the goal together, co-operatively, helping each other along the way. flowing.
Then the pushes and pulls can become the driving force behind you both getting to the goal, keeping you on track, helping each other over obstacles, in a sense they provide the energy that powers it all.
At this point I would say you are both in automatic push pull mode, with it happening without much if any concious thought. The more you are syncd, the more the other person knows when you need a push or pull and vice versa, not thinks, knows.
-
I have caught myself doing push pull without being aware of conciously doing it, noticing that I was doing it, finding myself watching myself and going ummm.
I have also watched people doing push pull to me, conciously aware (me) of what they were doing, in the moment, noticing it and observing. Letting it play out and seeing what they are aiming at.
Yes, I do push pull, both conciously and unconciously
I would go further and say we all do.