SILENCE!!! - so fucking important!!! so is:
SOLITUDE.
How many of you have a radio/cd etc in your car?
How many of you drive without it on?
I recently came out of an experiment where I played no music at all at home or in my car, and only watched 1 or 2 hours worth of TV per week. My pact was to do this for a month, but ended up at about 6 weeks.
I thought this was going to be painful, because music plays a HUGE part in my life. But as I wanted to start speaking to my shadow, I felt that time with myself, WITHOUT DISTRACTION, was essential. Well, I did manage to come to terms with some of my inner demons (low self-esteem due to a feeling of abandonment being a main one) - there is still more work to be done, but I felt this process start to plateau somewhere during week 5, so I took that as a cue from my subconscious telling me "that's it for now; come back later."
Yes, it was painful (main emotions felt during that period were intense anger, a little bit of demoralisation, and a few (brief) bouts of depression.
I was always given to introspection and being alone for long periods of time, but this exercise made me realise that, even when I am alone, if I listen to music, read a book, watch a film, or go on the internet, I AM NOT REALLY BEING ALONE - these things actually distract me FROM MYSELF. Two scary things come to mind (scary for others, I mean):
1 - the music, books, and films that I entertain myself are usually the type that stimulate me mentally & emotionally. If "high art" (elitist as this sounds) distracts me from myself like this, despite being a positive force in my life, WHAT THE FUCK are the people who consume cultural garbage DOING TO THEMSELVES??
2 - if, despite being totally comfortable with solitude, I can still find aspects of self-loathing in my psyche when I remove all distractions, WHAT ON EARTH is housed within the minds of the billions of people on this planet (i.e. all those not on Natural Freedom
) who are compelled to ALWAYS HAVE SOMEBODY AROUND THEM??
I think I actually am starting to feel sorry for the poor fuckers. Yes, even the bitches who are pimping......
By the way, I had little access to the internet recently, so although late, I hope all of you had a great XMas. My best wishes to all of you for 2013 and wayyyy beyond (by the way, weren't we all supposed to die on the 21st?? No prob, we can always look out for the end of the Aztec, Aborigine, Carib, or Cheyenne calendar....)
May we all continue to be shining beacons that only those with testicular fortitude can see....