I just feel like writing, so I'll doublepost
I just got back from an otaku meeting we went to (about twenty people).. Pub, house-party, poker, fun.
I noticed one girl liking me, it was obvious.. The looks, how she talked to me - I can't hardly pinpoint specifics, but I felt it, not the first time I could tell.. I'm not attrated to her at all, the personality she shows to people repels me, I don't like her physically, nothing. I don't know what she's like behind the social mask, but I'm not compelled to find out.
The girl I like didn't really show any interest, I hardly talked to her or anything. Just when we arrived with friends, she was looking at me in a way I can't identify properly - but It was kinda honest look, more I can't tell.
I could probably scan for others girls, but nobody I'd be interest in, so I didn't.
I talked with a good buddy and what he talked about absolutely reminded me of myself year and half ago - his change of looking at things, understanding the dynamics... It seems to me that some guys who choose the path of growth get through simillar phases.
I'm at the phase I'd call "stagnant knowing". I can see the dynamics around, people like advice from me, they ask for it often, I see them going through simmilar things I did through.. But nothing really happens for me. Things have been working it in some ways, and it stopped working or so it seems.
I'm working as a motivator and a guide for other guys now, it seems like it.. But it feels kinda weird with no girls for myself
I'm not disatisfied with my direction or situation.. I'd like to continue doing a poker dealer, I have money to pay for myself, got good friends, I play games as much as I like to, my health is OK.. Only no girls, even during my sympish days I had more experiences with girls, it surprises me.
I have no idea what lies ahead, none.
@Dude
I plan to go with the flow...
It's very well paid, I'm nervous but it's challenging and fun, so we'll see. And the experience would look good in my reusumé