I should be able to cold approach a woman without giving a fuck, but that's not the case
Not giving a fuck, is an extreme place to be at. I never been to place where I didn't give a thing/zero about this matter. The only things I could care zero about and leave me totally cold if I didn't get it, are things I'm not the slightest bit interested in. But since I like sex/dating/etc. with women, I on some level care a little bit about it, so I can't say I don't give a fuck, because I do give a small fuck about it. Thus I think it's normal that going up to chicks, makes you feel certain things (nervous, wanting to try to do well, etc.). Imo, it's just that you shouldn't keep continu hanging in that spontanious (emotional/bilogical/hormonal) response/feeling/emotion.
Not giving a fuck imo, is an extreme place (and not sure if realistic); and something leaving you 100% cold can imo only be the case for things you don't care about. If you like sex with women, it's imo normal you care at least a little bit about it, and thus it's normal it doesn't leave you cold (or emotionless/thoughtless) 100%.
I used them as a way to avoid rejection, but rejection shouldn't bother you in the first place.
To me, haveing an spontanious feeling/response to a rejection seems normal to me. Also it's biological measured, that loss in most people creates an automatic response in the brain and hormones (and thus emotions/feelings).
But I can say for me, that beyond that initial (automatic/spontanious) response (which often lasts like 10 or 20 seconds orso); I have managed to just leave it, and then in me it always just dissapeares/ends. With leaving it, I mean: not trying to do anything with or about it, not trying to change it, and most importantly not thinking about it (in any way, and especially not in away on how to fix/change it).
this makes/helps me to stay happy and content (or neutral at least), during my days.
I see what you are saying and I agree. I'm not talking about not caring and being cold. I'm talking about being carefree and allowing myself to enjoy it. As of right now anxiety pretty much destroys any enjoyment I might get out of talking to women and rejection would be another hard blow to my self esteem.
I can see how my wording could be interpreted as detachment, but trust me that is not my intention. I want to liberate myself so I can experience feelings and emotions that have been drowned out by my anxiety.
It seems a little scary but it's really not...I hardly care anymore whether or not I get sex with a girl, hell, most times I hold out and let them leave without getting any. But in return, it makes them want me even more. If I'm in the mood and she doesn't progress things, I'll pull her in and make her f- me. But like I said, I don't care whether or not anything happens. Even a small hint of caring can cause mayhem. Sex is just a fun bonus (like be treated to dessert after dinner), it's not a need and it's not anything you should really care about.
Rejection can be rough...I remember when it used to bother the f- out of me. But now I'm completely careless of it. Just remember, there is no reason to dwell on it. There are many reasons why a woman may reject someone. Just keep focusing on and improving yourself and you'll begin to see rejection decreasing. Here's a fun fact... Both Brad Pitt and Casanova went through periods of lots of rejection. It happens.
Ryan
Yeah that's true indifference right there. I know I'll get there eventually because I'm not one to quit. I just remind myself that I'm growing every day because I refuse to give up.