Natural Freedom

I literally hate people.
They disgust me. People in general disgust me.
I´m pissed off, I literally want to kill someone right now.
I did the "look at your pictures" excercise and I HATE MYSELF.
I thought I was self-reflected but FUCK I´ve been doing this self analysing shit till my head literally BURST.
Every single step in trying to understand how dynamics work took myself away from being me.
I have NO sense of identity left, no friends circle anymore (and I only feel hypothetically sorry for myself about it because they can suck some dick in hell anyways, fuckin cunts), I hate anything regarding family.
Family bonds are the biggest fucking lie of all. The only lie bigger then any fucking cunt on this planet loving you "for you". Love, like thats an legit emotion or some SHIT.
Like ANYBODY STICKS AROUND WHEN THE SHIT HITS THE FAN.
They never do, never will.
I hate being close to people because I NEED it.
I´ve been left behind, misunderstood, abused, mislead, fucked over, emotionally raped, put down, laughed about, being gossiped about, cheated on, lied to MY FUCKING FACE, when I KNEW FOR A FACT THAT THEY WERE LYING. And they WOULD NOT STOP, and blame me for being paranoid, like I was having hallicunation and trust issues. I SURE DO NOW YOU CUNTS.
PEOPLE ARE FUCKING RETARDED AT UNDERSTANDING OTHER PEOPLE TOO. I hate them for it.
Self-serving, fake ass motherfuckers. Self-centered pretentious hypocrites.
This whole fucking species of humans needs to get wiped-the-fuck-out.
Fortunately they´re on a constant path of self destruction otherwise I`D DO IT MY SELF.
I dread interaction by now because people are always the same unaware bitches anyway.
Some day I hope this whole shitty planet just blows the hell up, and everyone can have nice eternity in hell.

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Perfect behavior is born of complete indifference.

BANG!...there's your problem. Sounds a lot like most people when Morpheus shows them the Duracell battery...now youre unplugged and puking all over the floor and shit. Now that youve hit rock bottom, you can rebuild your foundation properly.

Time to end your co-dependence issues and start becoming your own best friend...it's kind of a common theme around here. Works wonders.

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EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING.

Pimposophy Revisited is now finally available on Amazon in all territories!

You seem pissed, yes.

You already know yourself in the midst of all this.

How a specific situation is handled depends on what
it means, or seems to mean.

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♫♫♩♫‿◦

Allow me to translate: Jared is saying that you are projecting...and you are aware of it even though you are trying to be in denial about it. You don't hate others nearly as much as you hate yourself.

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EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING.

Pimposophy Revisited is now finally available on Amazon in all territories!

Fuck what you know, you need to forget about what you know that's your problem. Forget everything you think you know about life, and friendship...

~Tyler Durden


http://vimeo.com/11064775

@Merrick

did something specific happen recently or did you start to reflect on the past?

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"a sniper is the worst romancer, he never makes the first move"

Yes I understand, I project my inner world onto my enviorment.
The dreaded "mirror effect", I blame someone for something that might just be a very specific trait of mine for example.
Well, I am refelcting on the past pretty much constantly. It is like I am looking for errors within myself.
I feel like a malfunctioning computer program that keeps on destroying itself.

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Perfect behavior is born of complete indifference.

I know this feeling well bro.

as Kidd!! said becoming your own best friend will do wonders, this anger will gradually subside when you begin to make peace with yourself.

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"Simply put, you being in her life is a BLESSING. Her wronging you in any way is her own self-inflicted CURSE, and if she does wrong you, then let the punishment fit the crime. Her life will absolutely SUCK without you."

Trying to be in denial is pretty on spot too. The self-hating, self-loathing part is probably the last part that is alive and well in me, ironically.

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Perfect behavior is born of complete indifference.

Good! Now you're free, free of other people's control over you and the guilt and fake ass shit they feed you. Like the others have said, now you can become your own best friend and live for yourself, welcome!

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The honey doesn't chase the bee.

A wise man once said "I find that a duck's opinion of me is influenced by whether or not I have bread."

Well... my emotional life has been in the shitter for the last 6 years constantly.
I´m tired of life really. Therapy was bullshit, everything I ever did or attemted to do went to shit.
Friends are only friends as long as nothing "cooler" comes along or their lifes suck ATM you happen to be around, otherwise you do not matter jack shit.
Why have friends at all?
Family only inquieres about "how youre doing" so they can talk about some shit. Not because these fucking whores care. I don´t even know them but they think they know me. "Family".. yeah right.
People talk bout other people to other people. They can get the fuck away from me I want no part of it.
Emotionally I´m simply fucked.
Life is a lonely shitty place. No cunt is ever going to change that shit. No one is.
Theres no reason to live, we all turn into rotting corpses anyway.
Won´t have a satisfiying future anyway.
Fuck this shit.
I won´t get rid of my self-hate- or the contempt I have for others.
I wish someone would just shoot me in the head point blank so this I can get this over with.
Tried solving my problems but every step made me more messed up.

I won´t be on this board anymore any time soon, so take care.

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Perfect behavior is born of complete indifference.

Merrick

I'm sure you don't really mean what you just wrote (at least not all of it)
you are just angry at the moment. get some rest dude and take it easy

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"a sniper is the worst romancer, he never makes the first move"

Sounds like that boy might commit suicide

I want to stop him because he will have support on here. But at the same time it sounds like our words will fall on deaf ears I'm not sure what can be done.

we might see him on the news and not even know it.

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~There's weakness in the hearts of all humans are you afraid to acknowledge yours... ~
Mr. Todo

Merrick will be fine...the red pill is harder to swallow for some.

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EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING.

Pimposophy Revisited is now finally available on Amazon in all territories!

I'll need to get my shit together quick.. unemployed, angry, frustrated, lonely.
Broken inside. My mother said i was a no good, all time failure, psychopath. A coward.
I was thinking bout suicide more than once. But.. It's rather pointless to kill oneself if nobody is giving a fuck. But so is living. I just don't know what to do and how to do it. People expect you too. So you're a letdown either way.
It was said once upon a time i was a pretty smart but if i was i would be smarter then being a confused little bitch.
I just need a break. From myself. I'll be back tho.
Being emotionally fucked sucks. No one gets it. Tried to connect with people but they reject you either way.
Well.. Ill be back in some time.
Cuz right now im just rambling.
Peace

_________________
Perfect behavior is born of complete indifference.

What if she had called you a rocking chair?
Would you have believed it?

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♫♫♩♫‿◦

I do.

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"Simply put, you being in her life is a BLESSING. Her wronging you in any way is her own self-inflicted CURSE, and if she does wrong you, then let the punishment fit the crime. Her life will absolutely SUCK without you."

I've been in your situation (still am in a way). My parent's both irrationally hate me, and I still have to keep living here for a couple more months until I go to college. They've been a stunningly negative influence on me (positive as well, not that I don't appreciate what they did for me. Emotionally though, totally negative), and I'm only starting to recover from that.

If I was to believe everything they told me, I'd be curled up in a corner bawling my eyes out about how much of a selfish and underachieving prick I am (shit, this happened). You gotta make a judgement yourself, assess where you are, but assess it based on your values . If YOU feel you want to work in this or that place, then go and do it. Whatever your parent's feel is a moot point if you're able to live without them. Start basing your value around how you feel and what makes you happy. Living up to other people's expectations is an act in futility.

If you need help with the parents' situation, hit me up with a PM.

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Take it easy, man. But take it.

Check ya PM
My parents did everything for me materially but emotionally my parents have been a huge clusterfuck.
So we´re kind of on the same page.
Especially the role-reversal- dominant masculine mother, pussy whipped wuss father was a beautiful fuck-up.
It´s amazing how parents instill their own doubts and fears and frustration in their own kids making them fucked up without even knowing better.

@Resonance: No, I won´t commit suicide.. Like I mentioned.. I thought about it but.. I won´t.
I want to see the day I am myself. And now I know it has NOTHING to do with getting pussy. It´s funny how the focus just changes.
This board has been a great gift for self improvement already.
It is truly a gift. And so are you guys.

On a side note I noticed that my first great love, what made her, was me looking for a motherly bond with her. that´s why I kept holding on to her. it was a projective emotional bond from my part. making her my sole emotional "income" so to speak.
No one could understand why I loved her so irrationally. I knew. I couldn´t deal with it. I´m letting that go just now.
(It has been 5 long years of being emotionally dependent on a ho.. see reference for mother figure further up )
Shit I knew. I couldnt deal with it.
Fucked up everything.. starting over now.

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Perfect behavior is born of complete indifference.

very Good this already puts you in a much better place than most men.



this is the only bond you need:

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"a sniper is the worst romancer, he never makes the first move"