Firstly, hello and welcome to my journal. It's just a small place where I can keep tabs on my progress. I hope that you find it worth your while to check out. I'm still considering how often I should update this. Perhaps weekly or fortnightly. I'll start weekly and make adjustments if needed.
PS: I do not know if I am posting this in the right section. I saw a few folks posting updates on their personal situations so I figured this would fit in here.
Secondly, I'd like to add that it's unlikely you'll find interesting stories about my interactions with women in this journal. If these interactions do occur, I will by all means add them in. However, I am seeking to begin the long process of undoing myself. This is primarily about me turning my life around and becoming someone I can be proud of.
For those who don't know my situation, here it is in a snapshot.
viewtopic.php?f=11&t=3141 .
In a nutshell, I'm 23 and I'm stuck in a rut. Life isn't moving how I'd like it to and I want to change that. I know that the common denominator is ME. I have to start thinking, acting and choosing differently.
Yesterday I laid the groundwork by analyzing the choices I had made in the last 5 years. It hit me that everything around me was all down to one person. ME! I wrote everything down. From choosing to watch pornography instead of studying to choosing to seek approval from people who couldn't give to sh!ts if I existed. That was all on me! I could have chosen different and chosen better. But I didn't and here I am.
Recently I saw a
videoideo[/url] that spoke of the dangers of Internet porn. Before that I deemed it normal and didn't really think much of it. But now a lot of things have started to click. I don't want to go on about the destructiveness of pornography but from analyzing my choices and past behaviors, I saw that it has played a major factor in creating the person I am today. So I've decided to quit watching it. The time can be used for other things, namely, reading or teaching myself a new skill. Perhaps it has contributed to some of the behaviors I seek to eliminate i.e. neediness, anxiety around women etc.
A book I'm reading is Psycho-Cybernetics by Dr Maxwell Maltz. It gives a nice framework for mental work via visualization. I'm interested in the concept of push-ups and I'd like to start doing those too. I'll schedule them for a set time and let you guys in on my progress.
One thing I understand about change is that it is difficult. Habits are difficult to break. It requires effort and strong willpower. I know and accept that there will be many hiccups along the way. But I can only fail if I quit.
As I type this now, my room is still a mess despite several attempts to become organised. It needs cleaning and clearing out. I have clothes that need washing. I have meals that need preparing. The difference now is I have started to notice it and I no longer want to tolerate it. In a nutshell, I don't want to sprint before I can crawl. I'll be lenient with myself and push a bit further everyday.
To our never-ending growth as men
Profectus.