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Your gut and struggling to connect
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Author:  foofatron [ Sat Jul 07, 2012 3:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Your gut and struggling to connect
How do you guys get in tune with your gut? Do sit around and do nothing? Do you not talk to people?

Lately I've been really quite giving tons of space. I let people talk to me first pretty much all the time. I don't usually cherry pick because a lot of the times the subjects either don't interest me or I've heard that we shouldn't talk about them. Like a girl complaining about work. Or boyfriend or something. I suppose the feel of what shes saying is more important. Honestly I forget a lot of what I read too. Its like I mostly revert back to old habits. I even struggle talking to guys I've just met a lot. Sometimes I want to talk to people, but won't because I think I should give them space, but I already give them tons. I'm not sure on the right amount of space to give.

I rarely talk to girls for no reason. I have like zero girl friends. If I talk to them and I like them then usually we're both into each other because otherwise I would not really give the girl much time. Not like any of my girl friends really give me much time although. I've never had any good female friends and I'm not sure if the can be good friends. I've kind of given up on the idea that girls can be friends so I don't bother with girls if they don't like me now... Girls only seem to talk to me if they like me, there have been a few just being friendly, but they're easy to spot. I want to just talk to people, but I'm not that great and since I have 'rules' about what I can talk about talking can be difficult. I want to talk, but I'm afraid I have to be good and I might be perceived as awkward because my conversation skills aren't great. If I don't practice how can I really get better? I suppose I should just cut myself some slack because I'm learning. Actually I can be quite good if my moods great. In my view at least, but I become more talkative. I seem to be an ambivert, but I use silence as like a front. That doesn't seem to work too well, but sometimes it does. I over use silence although. I come in silent and wait for the other person to move first. I use silence more if I don't know you. If I do then I don't use silence nearly as much. If you don't feel your gut do you do anything? Like just make small talk and see where things go?

I'm attached to having a good conversation I guess and a lot of times at least in some way to the girls I'm talking to. Can you still have a good time if the conversation isn't good? Is being attached to having a good time bad?





After reading this I realized I'm attached to the outcome. I only continue to talk to girls if they like me. I haven't had many good female friends so I'm really not sure if they can be good friends. That's why I cut them off. I feel like female friends waste my time and jerk me around. I'm way more lenient with friends than 'girls'. With friends I don't think theres any games, but they do play games with me, I've just been blind. Girls I don't trust that like me anyway. Why? Because I know what they're like and I'm slightly attached just by liking them... Even when I don't care if I become friends at least, I can still bomb in conversation, I'm just not that good at meeting new people and getting closer :/. The friendships I have took a long time to develop. Some friendships took less time than others.

How do you get in tune with your gut and what does that feel like? Why do I struggle to connect? I've been a quiet kid most of my life, but thats not really me. How do I get better? I often feel like I have nothing to say. Not that I can't, I can surely make small talk to keep the conv afloat (not that great), but that often does not satisfy me and does not lead to a real connection. I want to be free to express myself and feel powerful and deep connections are one way I feel that way. Yet I often feel like I have nothing to say...
Author:  Aragorn [ Sat Jul 07, 2012 4:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Your gut and struggling to connect
Getting in tune with your gut feelings comes more and more often as you clear your head of debilitating beliefs you've picked up over the years.

As for space, I'm starting to feel that once you don't bring any agenda into an interaction, other than enjoying it for what it is, space will come naturally. Why would you consider when to respond, what to say and how much to say if you're not thinking about getting something out of the conversation or interaction?
Author:  Resonance [ Sat Jul 07, 2012 4:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Your gut and struggling to connect
You care too much stop giving a fuck.
foofatron wrote:
How do you guys get in tune with your gut? Do sit around and do nothing? Do you not talk to people?
Its a feeling in the pit of your stomach that people ignore 90% of the time I suggest you meditate and listen and feel your body and its different sensations and the language its speaking to you.
foofatron wrote:
Lately I've been really quite giving tons of space
Are you sure about that? A quote of wisdom from Peregrinus (its not exactly in his words but I hope its close enough). Space doesn't always have to be physical.
moose35 wrote:
As for space, I'm starting to feel that once you don't bring any agenda into an interaction, other than enjoying it for what it is, space will come naturally. Why would you consider when to respond, what to say and how much to say if you're not thinking about getting something out of the conversation or interaction?
This!
foofatron wrote:
I don't usually cherry pick because a lot of the times the subjects either don't interest me or I've heard that we shouldn't talk about them
Maybe you should find out a subject that both of you are interested in or just say fuck it and move on nothing good comes from anything forced. Why can't you talk about certain subjects who made this rule up who's to say you can't talk about it if you ever read the bible about Adam and Eve bitches are attracted to the forbidden.
Author:  foofatron [ Sat Jul 07, 2012 5:08 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Your gut and struggling to connect
Resonance wrote:
Are you sure about that? A quote of wisdom from Peregrinus (its not exactly in his words but I hope its close enough). Space doesn't always have to be physical.
By space I mean silence and physical space. Verbal, emotional, physical. I withdraw in a way.
Resonance wrote:
Maybe you should find out a subject that both of you are interested in or just say fuck it and move on nothing good comes from anything forced. Why can't you talk about certain subjects who made this rule up who's to say you can't talk about it if you ever read the bible about Adam and Eve bitches are attracted to the forbidden.
I mean from like pua days I guess. Don't let her talk about boyfriends. Somewhere along the lines I picked up no complaining. Most girls don't usually talk about interesting topics :/.
moose35 wrote:
As for space, I'm starting to feel that once you don't bring any agenda into an interaction, other than enjoying it for what it is, space will come naturally. Why would you consider when to respond, what to say and how much to say if you're not thinking about getting something out of the conversation or interaction?
Instead of trying to give space and being distant I should just do whatever I feel I should. Even if I feel like doing nothing. I feel like too often I have nothing to say. This I think may be due to nervousness and just me :/. I cannot figure out why exactly I have little to say. I can say so much with close friends.
Author:  Resonance [ Sat Jul 07, 2012 5:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Your gut and struggling to connect
foofatron wrote:
Most girls don't usually talk about interesting topics :/.
This surprises you... :arrow: :|
foofatron wrote:
Instead of trying to give space and being distant I should just do whatever I feel I should. Even if I feel like doing nothing. I feel like too often I have nothing to say. This I think may be due to nervousness and just me :/. I cannot figure out why exactly I have little to say. I can say so much with close friends.
Just be you be comfortable in that and accept yourself this won't go away overnight its a part of who you are now just allow it and let it be as Grinus would say let it float by like a river or like with leaves in them.

You should talk to Flow83 he can help you
Author:  Aragorn [ Sat Jul 07, 2012 5:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Your gut and struggling to connect
Quote:
By space I mean silence and physical space. Verbal, emotional, physical. I withdraw in a way.
I would describe space as a lack of emotional investment in an interaction. What you appear to be doing is censoring yourself and retreating into a comfort bubble you've built while labeling it as "space" so you feel good about yourself when you do it. I could be wrong on both counts, but that's what it seems like.

Quote:
Just be you be comfortable in that and accept yourself this won't go away overnight its a part of who you are now just allow it and let it be as Grinus would say let it float by like a river or like with leaves in them.
Agreed.
Author:  foofatron [ Sun Jul 08, 2012 4:12 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Your gut and struggling to connect
Resonance wrote:
Just be you be comfortable in that and accept yourself this won't go away overnight its a part of who you are now just allow it and let it be as Grinus would say let it float by like a river or like with leaves in them.

You should talk to Flow83 he can help you
Good advice. I feel thats what I should do and I am.
moose35 wrote:
I would describe space as a lack of emotional investment in an interaction. What you appear to be doing is censoring yourself and retreating into a comfort bubble you've built while labeling it as "space" so you feel good about yourself when you do it. I could be wrong on both counts, but that's what it seems like.
I think your right and wrong. By space I don't do anything. I don't try to do anything. Sometimes that space is a bubble. Depends on when. Sometimes I try to use space, but then I'm attached to the outcome.
Author:  fufe [ Sun Jul 08, 2012 1:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Your gut and struggling to connect
Quote:
want to just talk to people, but I'm not that great and since I have 'rules' about what I can talk about talking can be difficult.
What rules ?
Author:  foofatron [ Sun Jul 08, 2012 2:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Your gut and struggling to connect
Quite a few many I don't know. Like talking my manager when she's right there and how I think she was unfair. She let another person do something similar that I couldn't. Different situation, but still... Shes ice cold and very pretty. She kind of scares me.
Author:  fufe [ Sun Jul 08, 2012 2:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Your gut and struggling to connect
foofatron wrote:
Quite a few many I don't know. Like talking my manager when she's right there and how I think she was unfair. She let another person do something similar that I couldn't. Different situation, but still... Shes ice cold and very pretty. She kind of scares me.
You can tell anybody anything, you just have to take the responsibility for it - Saying that, I understand what you are talking about tho
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