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Beating myself for 12 rounds
http://www.naturalfreedom.info/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=2288		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  TheDude [ Tue Jun 05, 2012 5:32 am ]
Post subject:  Beating myself for 12 rounds
I've been in a dark place for some time. Kicking the shit out of myself like an addict. Like a hobo under a bridge all cold and beat up with needle marks all across his forearm. This is of course a metaphor for how I am spiritually and mentally. I've lost some wait, because I guess I'm depressed, don't sleep well, and don't have an appetite. Friends tell me I look skinnier.

Nothing spectacular has come from my life from the past couple of years other than being alive. I had accomplished some worthy things, but all either faded like everything or just left little pleasure before the real problem arose again.

I came here hoping for a fucking fix to my whole life problem of being a loser. I posted, nagged, asked non-valued questions, gave excuses, and wanked my brain here. Only to come full circle back to my original place of retardation and sadness. I fucking gave up on myself for the past week. In my cave of comfort I looked at the world as a dark place. Using my time to sulk in my pity and hand jerking habits. Shit just kept getting worst.

I'm not saying I hit rock bottom or anything, but I definitely hit something. I saw some light that shook the world for me. I hit a nerve. I'm either going to live the rest of my life in my silly bullshit model of life or I'm going to kick the fucking door down and see what else there is.

From all the books, videos, exercises I have done in my life for self-improvement and enlightenment of whatever you want to call it I always was looking to FIX myself as if there was something fucking wrong with me. I thought I was broken, a loser, for the longest time.

I kept searching for salvation from a book or video or person. You could probably noticed how many fucking questions I've asked here. They would have been great questions if I first took responsibility of the topic before handing it over to you guys. My thought or belief was something like this: "Maybe this is the video/book that is going to change my life like in the movies!" HELLO! It's a movie. Hour and a half long. It's acted firstly. And, secondly its a time lapse of days or years. Real day to day life takes day to day hard work to get something done. Not one fucking moment to see it all differently. Now, I'm not ranting that that's not possible to have a 1 day life change. Some lucky people have it that way. For me it is going to be hard work.

I took advice from here and other places in the past and kept with it for a BIT. After my patience snapped I started saying wtf where is the results. I expected to be prince charming in days. And guru over night. After each time of thinking I didn't made it. I started to believe a little more that I was not destined or worthy of another life(style). I did the exercises, bought a new clothes and perfected my style, but inside I felt like a pile of shit imposter. The demon side of me made it so that I BELIEVE it won't last.

I kept at this until now. Working like a pussy expecting more results than I put work in. Spoiled brat you could say. Go figure only child with above and beyond love. 2+2=4 right? I gave up thinking I just wasn't capable of accomplishing this transformation, because deep down I'll always be that sorry puss who loses in life and gets walked on. I clinged to my past as though it was my heartbeat of life. I found my problem was I never BELIEVED I could be different.

This became a long rant of my bullshit view for the past couple of years. Glad to be back here with some more life and space. Want to thank Sniper for recommend those books (Great Female Cone, Manipulated Man, Polygamous Sex, and Pred Femaile). Gave me a different perspective; different from the one the woman who raised me gave. LOL...woman aren't these little angels. There just like us, except they got a lot more fucking problems. Ahhh....that much closer to true indifference.

I just got a new job at a high volume bar as a barback. It's great I get to see a 3rd party view of the dating dynamics at work. Worked 2 days, but looks like these hoes be thinking they run the game. It's a cool job+plus when I become a bartender it will be good $$$ for a college student. Plus, I'll have some pull on the illusionary status card.

It's time to get my fucking hands dirty and dispose of the bullshit.

"Fear has its uses but cowardice does not." -Ghandi

Peace & love to all those men who are seeking more than what they are given from this modern society.
Author:  The Kidd!! [ Tue Jun 05, 2012 5:40 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Beating myself for 12 rounds
Welcome back, weary traveler. 8-)
Author:  TheDude [ Tue Jun 05, 2012 5:44 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Beating myself for 12 rounds
Good to be back! Ready to turn from boy to man.

I gotta give respect to you Kidd for your writings here. I looked at you with a false sense of bullshit. Can't really put it into words at the moment, but you get what I'm saying. Maybe I was angry at your success or something. I don't know. But, I'm ready to take your advice and apply it where applicable.
Author:  Star_Above [ Tue Jun 05, 2012 6:13 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Beating myself for 12 rounds
Don't ever give up man, when you think you're back at square 1 you're actually not, you're still way far ahead by learning from your fuck ups and that much closer to your enlightening moment. Keep your head up!
Author:  GoldenBoy [ Tue Jun 05, 2012 7:23 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Beating myself for 12 rounds
TheDude wrote:
Good to be back! Ready to turn from boy to man.
You've already made a good leap there ... 8-)
Author:  Sniper [ Tue Jun 05, 2012 8:17 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Beating myself for 12 rounds
@TheDude

don't think that the journey was easy for me (or anyone else for that matter). When I learned from
The Kidd and read those books it only confirmed what I saw in my life: that women are not these little angles we see on TV.

I'm older than you so after learning from Kidd (and Grinus) + reading those books I have reflected on past situations in my life and women in my life (past and present) and it just confirmed that everything those books + Kidd (and Grinus) say is true.

It's not 100% of course and some women are Ok- but even they are just humans, have flaws and often driven by emotions which means that they might do things that will seem stupid\absurd to a normal man.


[ img ]



Is it any wonder why a certain guy we know (you know who) just talks about 'connections', 'love', 'bond' and lives as a sex tourist? :geek:
or another guy we know who praises women and talks about love all the time- doesn't have a girlfriend and just travels around the world giving lectures to men and women? (hint: :D & ;) )



[ img ]




Edit: it's best to just live and enjoy your life, if a nice woman comes along - great. If not:
it's still fine cause you are living for yourself 8-)

[ img ]
Author:  peregrinus [ Tue Jun 05, 2012 8:55 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Beating myself for 12 rounds
Welcome back, sounds like you had quite some travels.

Beautiful post, enjoyed reading it.
Author:  Aragorn [ Tue Jun 05, 2012 5:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Beating myself for 12 rounds
I have very similar thoughts to yours at the moment.
Author:  TheDude [ Wed Jun 06, 2012 6:33 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Beating myself for 12 rounds
Thank you for all the comments and support.

I realized I was seeking a DESTINATION rather than enjoying the JOURNEY.

ie: Let me read this book for X and then I'll never have to worry about X anymore.

The smoke played good tricks on this illusion. Also brought much pain as well.

@Sniper

I LOVE THAT FUCKING PICTURE WITH THE KID AND WINE!

A big thing I came to see that the picture reminded me off was my whole venture on pick up was to fuck a bunch of ladies. But, deeper than that was I assimilated fucking hoes with feeling good about myself. Rocky foundation and weak support for any Man.

I remember being in complete bliss with my old LT relationship. Sex all day. Liked the girl. Societies "first love" syndrome (more of just a novelty thing imo). Felt like an OG. I ended it, because I knew it was all an illusion. Take away the girl, and my foundation crumbles (happiness & feelings of OG). That's exactly what happened. This was 4 years ago, and I'm still building my foundation. It's sad to see I let that much time go by and all I have now are regrets and "i wishes", but I'll play the cards I'm given.
[ img ]
Author:  Alchemist [ Wed Jun 06, 2012 9:13 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Beating myself for 12 rounds
I feel you on this bro, you've made great strides forward, keep at it. ;)
Author:  Jared [ Wed Jun 06, 2012 9:55 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Beating myself for 12 rounds
TheDude wrote:
I found my problem was I never BELIEVED I could be different.
You are different man every moment.

There are no problems, there are only
unfit solutions. We try with a wrong
solution, that is why imagined problems
still seem to exist. Try to open a locked door
with another door. We can use the right key.

Why believe, just see

It doesn´t matter how long it´s been dark
after the lights are turned on.
Author:  AlexJ [ Thu Jun 07, 2012 12:02 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Beating myself for 12 rounds
Haven't posted recently, but this thread prompted a response....

@The Dude, these are excellent realizations which will definitely help you, but I feel like it's a sport to you to see how much internal pain/frustration you can inflict upon yourself. Lighten up on yourself, give yourself a break!

You're young, you mentioned your college age (what percent of college dudes even are aware of this stuff, .01? .001?), and keep an overall perspective on this topic and when you find yourself yourself falling into despair look at the whole timeline you'll be surprised at how far you have really come.

I'll be 30 in a little over 2 months, and even as recent as 6 months ago (before I found the natural freedom forum) I was watching smiling asian singers thinking it would lead to tons of women, enlightenment, and no problems... :? :roll: :? :roll:

My progress has been amazing to me, I've learned more in the past 6 months on this forum (recommended books, observation from a different mindset) than 29 years, but on a day to day basis it does not always seem that way.

I recall from one of your previous posts you were way deep into PUA like Sniper or myself. The biggest issue with PUA is that they give you this routine that will allow you full control of every situation so you can make it work to your best outcome. But that is not how life is.

So with this PUA mindset, we delve into this efforts of mediation, inner work, etc. and try to control the process instead of realize that actually we have very little control. When things do not go exactly to plan we beat ourselves up.

We'll have peaks & valleys and not everyone's path will be the same, but keep your head up, I think your progress is coming along nicely :mrgreen:

Also, I'm sure you'll have eye opening and insightful experiences just working with the bar staff. I assume that the girls are attractive.

Onward!
Author:  TheDude [ Fri Jun 08, 2012 4:41 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Beating myself for 12 rounds
@ NewYork152

Thank you for you remarks. It's great to get a different perspective on the situation. And, I agree as well. I do bring the hammer down pretty hard on myself. I want it all now! (silly & foolish mindset that leads to trouble).

To your PUA comment. I do find I try to control life & the process. That old PUA bit "You can have any girl you want". I fell for it head over heelz (shoes :lol: ).
Author:  Mikey swag [ Sun Jun 10, 2012 7:12 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Beating myself for 12 rounds
"A quitter never wins and a winner never quits".
Author:  AlexJ [ Mon Jun 11, 2012 12:27 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Beating myself for 12 rounds
TheDude wrote:
@ NewYork152

Thank you for you remarks. It's great to get a different perspective on the situation. And, I agree as well. I do bring the hammer down pretty hard on myself. I want it all now! (silly & foolish mindset that leads to trouble).

To your PUA comment. I do find I try to control life & the process. That old PUA bit "You can have any girl you want". I fell for it head over heelz (shoes :lol: ).

Everyone wants it now :) I think this is a universal human trait! Avoidance or get rid of pain!
Author:  lightsleeper [ Tue Jun 12, 2012 12:21 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Beating myself for 12 rounds
Mr. Dude how does it feel BEING different?

Think it through ...
Sleep
Author:  TheDude [ Tue Jun 12, 2012 9:40 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Beating myself for 12 rounds
lightsleeper wrote:
Mr. Dude how does it feel BEING different?

Think it through ...
Sleep
Initially if feels good. What are you talking about though?
Author:  Jared [ Tue Jun 12, 2012 11:09 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Beating myself for 12 rounds
New York 152 wrote:


Everyone wants it now :) I think this is a universal human trait! Avoidance or get rid of pain!
:lol:

Why not stop creating more pain in the first place?

"A man picturing himself as a money-making
genius will be upset by anything contradicting
with that picture, such as slow business."

Pain is always produced from the gap between
what really is and what man thinks should be.
Author:  TheDude [ Tue Jun 12, 2012 8:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Beating myself for 12 rounds
Jared wrote:
Pain is always produced from the gap between
what really is and what man thinks should be.
That is very true for me. My expectations do not match with reality at the moment. Which is the number 1 cause of suffering for me. Showing that my goals are to high or my expectations are a bit delusional. I think the latter of the two.
Author:  Merrick [ Wed Jun 13, 2012 10:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Beating myself for 12 rounds
TheDude wrote:
Jared wrote:
Pain is always produced from the gap between
what really is and what man thinks should be.
That is very true for me. My expectations do not match with reality at the moment. Which is the number 1 cause of suffering for me. Showing that my goals are to high or my expectations are a bit delusional. I think the latter of the two.
Same here. And more.
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