I had a great sociology teacher in college and he taught us something that has stuck with me over the years...
We can usually disregard what people say before they use the word "but" because it's not what they really wanted to say.
Some examples:
You're a great friend, but I don't feel that way about you anymore.
You've been a great asset to the business, but at this time we don't have the resources to use you right now.
I understand what you're saying, but... (this one pops up a lot on the forum)
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