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 Post subject: Is Sex a Must?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 25, 2011 12:42 pm 
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Hello all,

i haven't posted anything here since long time, i hope everyone is doing well. I read your posts from time to time, and i see that the most discussed point or subject is women and how to have success with them. For sure i have alot of respect for your opinions, but since i have my own theory about the women subject, i thought i might share it with you, may be we can benifit from the ideas of each other.

Women, women, women! Almost every guy i know thinks and analyses most of the time about women, and talks most of the time about them too. Many guys i know have women as a major goal (if not THE goal) in their lives, for which they spend alot of energy. The question is, why? Is it to be happy? Well i don't see happiness in those guys, and the guys that are really happy and satisfied with their lives with women are very rare. Infact, i know guys whose lives are miserable because of women. But do women really deserve all of this? Why don't we see women spending time and energy to please or try to have success with us men?

Yes, the social matrix as most of us might know is the main reason in this, but that's not all. I think that attraction between men and women is natural, and seeing the current situation where men try hard to attract women with low success rates, makes it very clear to me that there is something that just isn't right. Most of us explain the effects of the social matrix in sexploitation/pornification, and thus making us men obsessed with women and sex. Why do i see this as bad? It's because it is a form of imbalance. Giving something too much attention and being obsessed with it isn't always a good thing. It would be good in one case, that is if this obsession leads you to happiness, and this is not the case at all with women for most of us. Plus, everyone is free in the way he deals with women and sex, but an imbalance of freedom or too much freedom isn't always good too (more on that later).

Since most of us are aware of the effects of the social matrix on us, then i can say that most of us are aware of the problem. But, knowing that alone without taking action wouldn't change a thing, so we are missing the most important thing here: a solution!

Just as many of us were aware of the ego and its effects without knowing how to stop it, and just as Eckhart Tolle suggested a unique and unexpected idea, and said that for you to be happy and silence your ego all you have to do instead of thinking is not to think, i see it exactly the same way. For us to be happier concerning the women issue, instead of trying to achieve that through thinking about women and sex, all we have to do is stop thinking about women and sex! In my opinion, the more we detach ourselves from women and from sex obsession, the more balance we will bring to our lives, and the happier we will be. As simple as that!

Why would that bring happiness? I think there are many reasons, i will mention two. First, i think life is not only about women, there are many other things in life that we can do and be happy. Second (and this is a very important point), the greatest happiness in relationships isn't sex, it's intimacy. Intimacy in one relationship can bring you more happiness than all unintimate relationships. Sex obsession and having sex with alot of women will never lead you to intimacy, because intimacy requires real commitment and emotions with one woman only. I think our love emotions aren't endless, we have a certain amount from them. Having sex with lots of women, and thus having some emotions for lots of women, is going to "drain" your emotions. When it comes to the time where (if) you want to settle with one woman, it's going to be very hard to have happiness and achieve intimacy with her.

In my recent posts i mentioned that i believe in Natural Grounding. But apart from it and whether it works or not, there's is something about it that i totally disagree with. I see that many men who believe in N.G. are also aware of the sexploitation from the social matrix, and they recognise it as a problem. It's very good that N.G. changes the way we look at women, but what i disagree with is that most men still use it to have sex with women! Which means that the situation has changed somehow, but the problem of sexploitation and sex obsession is still there.

What i'm saying is that bringing balance to our lives in trying to detach a bit from sex obsession, will for sure bring us happiness. Detaching from sex obsession could also lead to the great happiness of intimacy. Please note guys that this is my opinion only. I will be happy to read your views and opinions.
I have to go out now, but i will be back later.

Regards to all


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 Post subject: Re: Is Sex a Must?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 25, 2011 1:15 pm 
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For us to be happier concerning the women issue, instead of trying to achieve that through thinking about women and sex, all we have to do is stop thinking about women and sex! In my opinion, the more we detach ourselves from women and from sex obsession


"all we have to do is stop thinking about women and sex"?
well, that didn't get me or anyone else any success. If I stop to think about money: will that mean that I'll have more money? :|

Quote:
the more we detach ourselves from women and from sex obsession


no one is talking about 'sex obsession' here. If we did then it would be a pick up tricks and lines forum. This forum is about building ourselves to be strong men And yes: dealing with women is one of those issues cause we are not monks or fags.


Quote:
Sex obsession and having sex with alot of women will never lead you to intimacy, because intimacy requires real commitment and emotions with one woman only


Ok but not everyone are looking to have sex with lots of women each person has his own goals and desires- once again: this forum is not about how to pick up many women with tricks and lines. If you want just one woman: that's cool no one said it's bad. But if you want to have a healthy relationship you need the right mindset and power before and during the relationship- and that's what we are working on.

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I see that many men who believe in N.G. are also aware of the sexploitation from the social matrix, and they recognise it as a problem. It's very good that N.G. changes the way we look at women, but what i disagree with is that most men still use it to have sex with women! Which means that the situation has changed somehow, but the problem of sexploitation and sex obsession is still there.


that's because NG does not stop the lust for women or sex- it's not the magic pill it was supposed to be....

Quote:
What i'm saying is that bringing balance to our lives in trying to detach a bit from sex obsession, will for sure bring us happiness. Detaching from sex obsession


again you are missing the point: who says we have sex obsession?
because we talk about sex and want sex?

Look, Men have always had the desire to conquer goals- that is one of the forces that us men have. It's the same in the animal kingdom only with animals it's more about to conquer
territory and survive (because animals don't have brains).

I see having power and choice with women a goal to conquer (if I can say it like that)
but I'm not chasing women or obsessed with sex- if I did I would be going out every night looking for women to sleep with. I put most of my time and energy on school right now (unlike PUAs who go out every night looking for women and not doing anything else).

I think you only read some of the posts here and made an assumption - which is wrong.
In order to get the whole picture and the vibe of the forum you can't just read two or three topics here and decide that we are obsessed with sex. Good day :ugeek:

Edit: you said women don't talk\think about men
beleive me they do!!!
when they talk with their girlfriends and stuff it's always about men.

I like talking about women it's a very cool and interesting philosophy :)

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 Post subject: Re: Is Sex a Must?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 25, 2011 4:33 pm 
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Sniper wrote:
Quote:
For us to be happier concerning the women issue, instead of trying to achieve that through thinking about women and sex, all we have to do is stop thinking about women and sex! In my opinion, the more we detach ourselves from women and from sex obsession


"all we have to do is stop thinking about women and sex"?
well, that didn't get me or anyone else any success. If I stop to think about money: will that mean that I'll have more money? :|


this is funny becasue, you give him an answer about what he says about the forum, not against you sniper. :)


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 Post subject: Re: Is Sex a Must?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 25, 2011 4:36 pm 
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Barca, it's guys like you that make my lifestyle possible...and for that, I thank you. 8-)

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 Post subject: Re: Is Sex a Must?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 25, 2011 7:22 pm 
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Hello Sniper,

i guess you misunderstood what i wrote. I didn't assume anything about the forum or its members. I said that since women and having success with them is a main topic here and many members said what they think about it in different posts, i would like to say what i think too. I said that most guys "i know" are obsessed with sex, and by that i meant to talk in general, i didn't refer to the forum or its members. If i think that sex obsession is wrong, and if i saw that this forum and its members were all about sex obsession, then i wouldn't have joined and posted here my friend.

Quote:
well, that didn't get me or anyone else any success. If I stop to think about money: will that mean that I'll have more money?


By success i take it you mean success with women. No, to stop thinking about women and sex won't bring you any success with women, and the same thing about money for example. I didn't write that as a method to have success with women, but as a way to have a much happier life in my opinion ofcourse, especially for those who have sex obsession (as i mentioned i'm talking in general). Sex obsession makes men very weak against women. Most of the guys i know are being totally controlled by women, they do really alot just to have the chance to spend time with women (!!), and when they do and get to sleep with them, they get bored after short time and start looking for other women.
Neither do women deserve all of this, nor is this type of behaviour right. The reason for this is that such men want sex too much. That's why i mentioned balance. Because i take it that men want sex to be happy, and sex can bring great lasting happiness in one case only, intimacy. Since men want sex too much that they would sleep with a girl they barely know, or that they would sleep with a girl just because she's "hot" and not because they have feelings for her, then this means they would never reach intimacy. That's why they keep changing from woman to woman, which only makes it worse.
The solution for this, or at least a way to make it possible to experience intimacy (and thus to have the happiness those men are looking for), is to balance the lust for sex. First, this will give you time to enjoy other things in life. Second, it will not have your emotions drained. A serious long lasting intimate relationship requires as much emotions as possible. How to balance the lust for sex? Stop thinking about it (or at least think about it less).



Quote:
I see having power and choice with women a goal to conquer (if I can say it like that)


I think we can say that we set goals to conquer and achieve, in order to be happy, is that right? If we achieve a certain goal, and weren't happy in the end, then this means that this step we took isn't a right step to happiness. Let me ask you, how many happy men do you know (happy with the women issue i mean)? Even if we look at us members of the forum, if we were really happy and satisfied with the women issue, do you think we would be all here looking for our natural freedom?
I will simplify what i think in the following, and i think it is for all men but especially for the sex obsessed ones (i think it also applies for sex obsessed women):

too much sex lust -----> having sex with a woman only for her body -----> having sex with low emotions -----> no intimate experience -----> guy gets bored -----> no happiness -----> guy looks for a new girl -----> having had sex with another a short while ago, guy can't really have emotion for this girl after this short time -----> having sex with low emotions, and it goes on this way.

not thinking about women or sex (for long time i mean, a couple of days or weeks would bring nothing) -----> guy has much more emotions -----> guy meets a girl and has emotions/feelings for her -----> chance of an intimate relationship is very high -----> emotions lead not only to intimate sex but to an intimate relationship -----> happiness much greater, so great that the relationship lasts.


Quote:
Edit: you said women don't talk\think about men
beleive me they do!!!
when they talk with their girlfriends and stuff it's always about men.


they do, but never as much as we do about them.

Regards


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 Post subject: Re: Is Sex a Must?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 25, 2011 7:25 pm 
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Quote:
Barca, it's guys like you that make my lifestyle possible...and for that, I thank you. 8-)


Good for you ;)


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 Post subject: Re: Is Sex a Must?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 25, 2011 7:43 pm 
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sorry Barca I misunderstood you ;)

I love intimacy and I had it with my ex-girlfriend. We broke up because it didn't work for other reasons but the only reason I got real intimacy is because I came into the relationship with power and awareness.

The social dynamics and women is a very intresting topic for me and I love talking about it.
It's not because I think about women and sex all the time it's because I really love knowing, thinking, analyzing, etc.. this topic. It's kind of a philosophy on it's own and even great philosephers of the past used to talk a lot about women among other things....

I know a lot of women who talk to each other all the time about men. Some women: that's all they talk about (I know that for a fact). Some women talk mostly about shoes and fashion - good for them. Some men only talk about football- also good for them. :)

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Sometimes it's a little better to travel than to arrive” \ Robert M. Pirsig


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 Post subject: Re: Is Sex a Must?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 25, 2011 8:41 pm 
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Interesting post and discussion which reveals a lot.

To me, sex is not a must. It is not what I am focussed on.

To the women it is, given time this grows more and more within them.

Let them worry about how to get it out of you, rather than chasing it from them.

Develop yourself as a man and be happy with your life without women.

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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 Post subject: Re: Is Sex a Must?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 25, 2011 8:50 pm 
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peregrinus wrote:
Interesting post and discussion which reveals a lot.

To me, sex is not a must. It is not what I am focussed on.

To the women it is, given time this grows more and more within them.

Let them worry about how to get it out of you, rather than chasing it from them.

Develop yourself as a man and be happy with your life without women.


This, this, THIS! :ugeek:

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 Post subject: Re: Is Sex a Must?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 25, 2011 10:24 pm 
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Quote:
sorry Barca I misunderstood you

I love intimacy and I had it with my ex-girlfriend. We broke up because it didn't work for other reasons but the only reason I got real intimacy is because I came into the relationship with power and awareness.

The social dynamics and women is a very intresting topic for me and I love talking about it.
It's not because I think about women and sex all the time it's because I really love knowing, thinking, analyzing, etc.. this topic. It's kind of a philosophy on it's own and even great philosephers of the past used to talk a lot about women among other things....



No problem man. Thinking and analysing about women to have a better understanding is ok, at least there's a chance to profit from it or to improve. But thinking about women too much because of wanting something from them is what i'm talking about. Some guys analyse moves or simple words that women do or say, and hope and try to convince themselves that this move or word is a signal from this woman. It is as if the man here waits for the woman to have some mercy on him. As i said i don't think that women deserve all of this.


Quote:
Some men only talk about football- also good for them. :)


hahaha :lol: , that's me, you can tell from my account's name :) .


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 Post subject: Re: Is Sex a Must?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 25, 2011 10:26 pm 
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Quote:
Develop yourself as a man and be happy with your life without women.


Hello peregrinus,

this is exactly what i mean. Thanks.


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 Post subject: Re: Is Sex a Must?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 25, 2011 10:55 pm 
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...and by being happy without women, they won't want to be without YOU. 8-)

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 Post subject: Re: Is Sex a Must?
PostPosted: Wed Jan 26, 2011 8:45 am 
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The Kidd!! wrote:
...and by being happy without women, they won't want to be without YOU. 8-)


And why? Because being non-needy raises your value in a girls eyes. Listen up peeps, other instructors just tell you to turn on the light switch, here you're learning how the fuck'n electricity works behind the light switch.

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 Post subject: Re: Is Sex a Must?
PostPosted: Wed Jan 26, 2011 1:30 pm 
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ManniJa wrote:
The Kidd!! wrote:
...and by being happy without women, they won't want to be without YOU. 8-)


And why? Because being non-needy raises your value in a girls eyes. Listen up peeps, other instructors just tell you to turn on the light switch, here you're learning how the fuck'n electricity works behind the light switch.


The more I think about this the more I see how I subconsciously react to women, and I can see how they react to my vibe, I don't go out to chase or anything, I spend most of my time working on my skills for work but that feeling is still there, only because it's been festering for years, this needy vibe.

For the longest time I believed sex was the most important thing in tthe world, now I recognize this belief as a purely emotional thing separate from my logic, I don't know if that's progress but I have more of an understanding now of what those feelings are.

I wish I would have figured this out years ago.

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 Post subject: Re: Is Sex a Must?
PostPosted: Wed Jan 26, 2011 2:20 pm 
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Alchemist wrote:
ManniJa wrote:
The Kidd!! wrote:
...and by being happy without women, they won't want to be without YOU. 8-)


And why? Because being non-needy raises your value in a girls eyes. Listen up peeps, other instructors just tell you to turn on the light switch, here you're learning how the fuck'n electricity works behind the light switch.


The more I think about this the more I see how I subconsciously react to women, and I can see how they react to my vibe, I don't go out to chase or anything, I spend most of my time working on my skills for work but that feeling is still there, only because it's been festering for years, this needy vibe.

For the longest time I believed sex was the most important thing in tthe world, now I recognize this belief as a purely emotional thing separate from my logic, I don't know if that's progress but I have more of an understanding now of what those feelings are.

I wish I would have figured this out years ago.


Instead be thankful you figured it out NOW...while you are still young and can do something about it. What about all the guys who NEVER get enlightened? Count your blessings and continue to move forward.

Let me clarify something, people...when I told my "4 girls in 5 days story", it was meant to be inspirational...it appears that behind the scenes I may have stirred up a bit of jealousy and haterism, which was not my intent, but indirectly what tends to happen when telling a story such as that near some people who have lower self esteem than myself.

I did NOT run ANY of those women down...they ALL contacted me and 'scheduled an appointment'. Barca is right...sex is NOT a must...especially not for me. However, I do enjoy sex as much as the next man (maybe even a bit more ;) ) and relish any and all opportunities as they present themselves.

Bottom line: I DO NOT CHASE PUSSY...PUSSY CHASES ME....and trust me, there is a BIG difference. 8-)

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 Post subject: Re: Is Sex a Must?
PostPosted: Thu Nov 17, 2011 10:38 pm 
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Barca wrote:
Why don't we see women spending time and energy to please or try to have success with us men?


Barca,

I wanted to bring this topic back to life ;)
after reading Esther's books as well as what Kidd, Grinus and others have pointed out:

Women do spend time and energy to figure out how to get what they want from Men. They have been doing it since they were little girls while we were still playing video games and doing other boys stuff.

by the time they are 18 they are already masters of the game while most guys at 18 don't have a clue about women and how they operate to get what they want. Only now we are learning the secrets of women and starting to see the real picture...

watch this video: from 10:48

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2srzh-sgP_U

anyway, women are not the most importent thing but knowing them, the dynamics and how to deal with them is a part of being a strong man in the world- unless someone decides to be a monk then he doesn't need all this stuff.

But the point I wanted to make was that women do spend time and energy to figure out Men or rather: how to get what they want from Men. They are doing it since they are little girls....


Image

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Sometimes it's a little better to travel than to arrive” \ Robert M. Pirsig


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 Post subject: Re: Is Sex a Must?
PostPosted: Fri Nov 18, 2011 1:45 am 
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You aren't giving women enough credit, Sniper...that or still letting them off the hook easy. :lol:

Re read 'Grinus' and mine posts in this thread again. :geek:

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 Post subject: Re: Is Sex a Must?
PostPosted: Fri Nov 18, 2011 2:52 am 
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Well I'm 20 and have horomones raging lol. So yeah in not gonna deny myself that I really like sex. To me it's all a game nothing Is serious and I don't really play by any rules because they don't.

I just meet new people constantly and that allows me to not care about the outcome of any one situation because I have several more options slow cooking in the background

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 Post subject: Re: Is Sex a Must?
PostPosted: Fri Nov 18, 2011 4:20 pm 
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peregrinus wrote:
Interesting post and discussion which reveals a lot.

To me, sex is not a must. It is not what I am focussed on.

To the women it is, given time this grows more and more within them.

Let them worry about how to get it out of you, rather than chasing it from them.

Develop yourself as a man and be happy with your life without women.


I am really curious Peregrinus and Kidd, to see if you got to that point after having an abundance of sex. If you have sex then it is not a must, but if you don't, then you want it and move towards chasing for some, well because you aren't getting any.

Would this change if you wanted sex but weren't getting laid?

Curious to hear your thoughts.


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 Post subject: Re: Is Sex a Must?
PostPosted: Fri Nov 18, 2011 5:06 pm 
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When I was overseas I wanted sex and couldn't get laid...keyword is 'want'.

I didn't NEED it...it wasn't a MUST. When I realized that I would have to work much harder than I would want to just for a chance to POSSIBLY get laid, I let it go. I put myself in the gym for 6 days a week for a year and a half and put on 50 lbs of muscle. I immersed myself in videogames. I took a few college courses. I masturbated regularly. ;)

Funny thing is, once I truly didn't care whether I got laid or not, opportunities would present themselves. I went without sex for a year...and that wasnt by choice. But because I accepted that fact, I gained so much more by way of self improvement and self awareness. Had I been like the other guys and spent all their time and money just for the honor of maybe holding her hand, I wouldn't be here enlightening you guys today. :mrgreen:

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