Natural Freedom

I read an interesting article (gots to find the original link to it, I have yet to relocate it...) from a British (if i recall right) science magazine about men and how they fall in love differently from women (I imagine you are all familiar with that already).

I read that one of the biggest ways a man can give away that he's in love with a woman - or "how it happens" is him holding an unblinking gaze at/with a woman for 8.2 seconds. He can look at her for 4.5 be still be uninterested, but it's when he reachers the 8.2 second mark that he is already feeling deeply in love, even if he has no idea who she is. The idea has already been planted in his mind by then that he either must have her, be with her, or love her.

Opinions, discourse?

I remember the FIRST time I met my current bf (we've been together for a year now), we were walking towards each other on a sidewalk on campus, both with friends, and I noticed him STARING at me for a good, good long while, about 20 paces, before we passed each other, and he turned and kept staring. I paused, and he came running over to me and my friend, and that's how it started. He recently admitted he felt a deep, incredibly deep, crush from that moment, if not more. So I'm wondering if you've experienced this or think it's BS??

The article said it doesn't have to happen the FIRST time you see a girl or someone you will love, but it can be at any time in the duration that you know them.

well L!ttleMonster,

if you want the truth here it is ...

The way I see it is like this:
The whole concept of falling in love at first sight is nice for Hollywood movies but does not apply in the real world. If a guy will gaze at a woman for a period of time it just means that he gets a nice chemical reaction in the brain that makes him feel 'attraction' for that girl.

The attraction could be because he finds her physical attractive And that he has some image of her in his mind (for example she might remind him of a sweet girl he saw in some movie that had all the attributes he would want in a girlfriend).

Yet the image of her he has or the physical attraction is not really falling in love...
to really fall in love with someone (in this case a girl) you have to really know her, and just a few seconds is not enough

_________________
"a sniper is the worst romancer, he never makes the first move"

I agree. A man will not "have a crush" on a woman that he does not find physically attractive. At least not by just watching her (like you and your boyfriend) for a few seconds.

_________________
“The only real valuable thing is intuition.”
Albert Einstein.

when that happens, she is more in love than i do

I believe the whole concept of 'love' and 'feeling in love' is bullshit and any feelings I've had similar to this are purely based on my upbringing in a Western culture and like Sniper said, Hollywood films.

I don't believe there is such a thing as true love, it's another one of those ideas fed to us by mainstream media, like someone else here has said before it's more of an exchange of value.

_________________
"Simply put, you being in her life is a BLESSING. Her wronging you in any way is her own self-inflicted CURSE, and if she does wrong you, then let the punishment fit the crime. Her life will absolutely SUCK without you."

The eyes are the window to the soul.

8.2 seconds can seem like an eternity when gazing right into another persons soul

_________________
In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.

Here's the British Journalism article on it: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstop ... -love.html

but i can't find the actual study one!!!! This is just the conclusion, obviously. The actual study and discussion of the science behind the gaze was far more fascinating.

I wasn't saying that what he and I had was love at first site, nor that I believe in love at first site, but I do believe that there is a bit of truth behind this - perhaps deeper than infatuation, because I've known guys to have a infatuation but not be in love, nor have had the unblinking gaze. I just think this was an interesting study about how it can happen to men, and how they fall in love differently than women do - women can hold the same gaze but remain uninterested. But I guess it takes a lot to capture a man's attention for that long, eh?

So, Sniper, I guess that's your truth - I know allllllll about the Hollywood stuff, trust me, haha - I think that's what the article was getting at; a man "analyzes" the potential mate/match and looks for fertility clues, things he likes, and determines attraction level and how much she cpatures his attention. I'm guessing beyond the 8.2 seconds means he's approved and is prepared to let her in.

Maybe you've never had that experience, Bonder?

@ Spaceman - I agree about the needing to see all of the body language, the full package, together. Gaze and eyes can say a lot. I'm quite capable of determining true opinions and thoughts just by looking at someone's eyes; not something everyone can do, but eyes can reveal quite a bit. Also I assume if the guy is receiving feedback and a vibe, like you mentioned, during these critical seconds, I suppose that would translate as encouragement, a welcome to go ahead and "search me".

@Alchemist - I think you're a bit bitter! I had the EXACT same perspective and feeling towards "true love" and how it boiled down to values. But... I'm totes the opposite at the moment, it's way more than values, there's an undefinable, indeterminable, *something* that goes beyond values. We don't even have the same values, but we almost love our differences and understand each others' alternate values more than the ones we share. There is something more, underlying. If this relationship had lasted a month, I'd throw out the "true love" thing, but it's been the same feelings, if not growing, for over a year now.

peregrinus, I agree =)

Sometimes I do get bitter because I have alot of emotions from past experiences which have pretty much killed the concept of love and romance for me, I've accepted this but don't wish to stay bitter so I have been digging deep to the raw emotions and I deal with them as they come.

Meanwhile I'm taking a break from women now and focusing on my personal development until the summer, there's someone I'll be seeing then who wants me just as much as I want her and it's goin down, it's easy and simple and I don't have to lift a finger.

_________________
"Simply put, you being in her life is a BLESSING. Her wronging you in any way is her own self-inflicted CURSE, and if she does wrong you, then let the punishment fit the crime. Her life will absolutely SUCK without you."

Alchemist - I'm glad to hear you're focusing on your personal developement and see this only as a break. I COMPLETELY understand what it's like to have been let down before.

And when i thought I'd given up completely, and had let myself be indifferent to love altogether, that's when I met my bf. So, sometimes someone will come into your life and change your mind. =) I hope that happens later on, for you too!