So I went to another one of these events and saw myself in other people, as Gina put it, but it was not my intent.
Through the women I didn't connect with, to the women I thought I wanted but now it's like, do I REALLY want that?.
I felt a twinge of desperation, and only a brief moment of disappointment when I left, it was so small and I did not feel much life in it, so that's great.
If anything, what breaks my heart is that I'm not the one who's open yet....the organizer was kinda hitting on me and telling me she didn't see why I should have any problems finding an older woman, she was right, the problem is not external, it's just that I have not been open to the experience of something real, and by real I don't just mean physical but a real connection, which I have with someone but she's in another country, I'm working on seeing her as soon as I can though.
Anyways, some of the women that I did not connect with were connecting with other guys so that's what it's all about, connection, not what I [my ego] can get....so naturally I do gravitate towards women I'm meant to be with.
There was just one I connected with and we had alot in common as well but everyone was engaged in conversation so I just left, we'll see what happens, as far as outcome dependency I didn't have any, I was a bit nervous and I did feel some of that 'wanting it' but at the same time I felt separate from it.
Because I seek to understand myself the Universe shows me what I need to learn through other people as well, Gina you are indeed a pearl of Wisdom.