Natural Freedom

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 Post subject: It's been a while
PostPosted: Sat Aug 31, 2019 7:47 pm 
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So, I've checked some old stuff on my facebook and I think it has been about 6-7 years since I released my first problem and started doing inner work for real.

I've come really far, released hundreds (literally) of things, mostly I release 1-3 things a day, on weekends even 5 or more if I spend the time.
I've released I think quite a few things that are considered impossible to fully "cure" by modern psychology.

The deal with women is, that I can't make myself want to have sex with almost none - Havn't had sex for about 5,5 years or so, nor any relationships.
I Suspect my sexuality was heavily influenced by two big things from my childhood.
There are basically 3 types of incest - Sexual, physical (the one everybody knows), suggestive (sexual desire is expressed but not acted upon), and covert (A parent makes their child a pseudo-boyfriend/girlfriend).
I was a subject to 2 out of 3 - suggestive and covert.

My mother used me as her pseudo-boyfriend becasuse she didn't like my father (at all). And I felt homosexual desires from my father that got expressed towards me - maybe not intentionally, but I felt it and had issues around it.
I had almost all symptoms of a survivor of covert incest, still have lot of them, but the progress is extremely good
Not talking about ton of issues how are household was fucked up :lol:

Feeling sexual towards women is still hard, I feel the romantic desire but sex is a problem. Tried to "force" myself to it, doesn't work. Women are immeadetely disinterested when they sniff from you you are not able to fuck them.
I'm pretty much on the asexual spectrum, but I will not give up, because I am firm at believing it is a result of trauma, not something I was born with naturally in my case.

The biggest issue I am facing now consciously is feeling of being burned up when relating with women romantically - I would think this connects to me mother exhausting me a lot with using me for emotional support. I Broke and I had enough of it, I'd say.

Even discovered one of the girls I know is asexual, but our contact ended when I asked her out :lol: :lol: lol

I wouldn't change how anything went a slightest bit when it comes to inner work, there is absolutely no comparison to how I felt few years ago, let alone 7 years ago. Absolutely none.
What I am concerned about though is, how long is this going to take. I am not getting any younger :geek:
It is my highest goal in life now, has been for some time. I do not have anything important than this in life (other than survival :lol: )


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 Post subject: Re: It's been a while
PostPosted: Sat Aug 31, 2019 11:06 pm 
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Joined: Fri Sep 28, 2012 7:22 pm
Posts: 244
Good realizations fufe

Interesting how relationships with women mirrors that with

our mothers

Perhaps there is no timeline on how long it will take.

Stay with the awareness which it seems like you are doing


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 Post subject: Re: It's been a while
PostPosted: Sun Sep 01, 2019 2:44 am 
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Location: Laniakea Supercluster
fufe wrote: *

I've released I think quite a few things that are considered impossible to fully "cure" by modern psychology.
'Cure' is an understatement. One does not just get cured.

Men who face their issues...
get to ascend beyond cured, to superman levels. :mrgreen:

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 Post subject: Re: It's been a while
PostPosted: Sun Sep 01, 2019 2:19 pm 
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Jared wrote: *
fufe wrote: *

I've released I think quite a few things that are considered impossible to fully "cure" by modern psychology.
'Cure' is an understatement. One does not just get cured.

Men who face their issues...
get to ascend beyond cured, to superman levels. :mrgreen:
Agree fully Jared

fufe: psychology has the same problem as the whole of modern 'medicine', it needs sick/ill/unwell people (i.e. patients). Curing has no value within that system.

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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 Post subject: Re: It's been a while
PostPosted: Sun Sep 01, 2019 2:31 pm 
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peregrinus wrote: *

Agree fully Jared

fufe: psychology has the same problem as the whole of modern 'medicine', it needs sick/ill/unwell people (i.e. patients). Curing has no value within that system.
Although I agree partially, I would also say, that they would be getting patients anyway, because people need to go somewhere for a solution.
Just because we can fix a plumbing problem doesn't mean we do it by ourselves.
Also it's the problem of not wanting to face the truth, because this work is extremely hard.


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 Post subject: Re: It's been a while
PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2019 7:21 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jan 03, 2011 9:33 am
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Location: Czech Republic
I want to share with you my recent experiences.

I had this instance when I chose to look at fear I felt, then I saw it as a small glass-like statue and I suddenly felt like I couldn't take it seriously anymore. I have not felt fear since. About anything.

Also, I have looked at anger I felt, looked at anger somebody else felt, looked into it empathically imagining why they are angry, then I think I somehow felt it is the same reason as my anger , and it disappeared. Went a full day of work today after this release day before and I could not get angry at work - I did on a daily basis, lol !

Now, on the other hand, I do feel sick when I am threatened by the thought of physical harm, I do get adrenaline rushes, nervousness when imagining talking before a group of people etc, just not fear.
We use to desribe lot of things as fear, that are actually separate from each other, so it may seem strange and disconnecting for some.
About anger, I do feel frustrated sometimes and I can get aggresive or hard verbally. But not in a emotional-fire-burning rage or anger anymore.

Summary - I released two of very broad emotions (Triggers ?) that I would label fear and anger.


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