Natural Freedom

Going through frustration, anger, depression, and feelings of utter loneliness, I saw my true self. All I want and all my life centers around is my absolute need for people to like me. That's all any action is centered around.

I also noticed me thinking in advance that people don't like me by default, and that I need to change myself in such and such ways to impress them. This caused me to be quiet, shy, weird voice, submissive to everybody, etc. What's funny (or sad, don't really know which), is that as I was in work brooding over this, I kept sneaking private glances at people that I secretly wanted to comfort me, notice, and change their behavior so that I see their approval coming my way. Sick.

I feel like this part of me is unavoidable. Anytime I think I'm seeing the truth, I catch something like a small voice in the back of my head doing exactly what I see is wrong..."Okay, now that you're indifferent to other people, you'll surely get glances from hot chicks and respect from other people". It's just a fucked situation and I'm beyond frustrated at constantly trying to not be this way.

So yeah, that's about it. I feel pissed at myself and others, frustrated, depressed, alone and lost. I'm starting to wonder if I'll every be truly free of this - it's been close to a year and I feel like I'm getting nowhere. Everytime I feel I turn a corner, feel myself say "Ok, NOW is when the true work and realizations and awareness truly begins", I go back to square one.

I don't want to constantly be pinging for feedback, angry at people who take positive attention away from me and depressed when I get none. I feel like a small child that's trying to get his in a sophisticated way.

If anybody has any words of advice or wisdom on this, I'd really appreciate it.

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Take it easy, man. But take it.

?

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“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” Viktor E. Frankl

...and so it shall be. But believe the opposite, and so it shall be instead. Choose wisely...only you can control and discipline YOU.

Only YOU can set yourself free...

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EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING.

Pimposophy Revisited is now finally available on Amazon in all territories!

Choose to let loose, Moose !

In the end.. What really is better, giving up and living life eating steak, or continuing ?

Also, ponder on and idea of spending a weekend over summer vacation in czech rep, since it ain't that far, I can introduce you to bunch of people (for your people-like-me-pls needs and everything else) and I think we would have things to talk about

Also THIS is your true self ? Try to convince me you really feel this, in your gut and all !!
(Isn't there anything you like to do only for your own self selfish want and pleasures ? not only a single little thing ?)

I'm out, because I can hear the person who posted above me coming with a big sign saying "PUSHUPS !!!!!!!!!" ! (He seems evil at times but trust his advice)

If you can see something, it isn't you.

You are whatever is doing the seeing. Whichever you choose to identify with is just that, a choice.

Beautiful post from TheKidd. The choice is entirely yours.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTXz8xMaJi4

I really think you guys are making this more complicated than it needs to be. Flux, Moose, and The Dude what really helped me get out of my depressing situation is when I finally decided what it was I truly desired to do, since then I have been in more uncomfortable situations as far as growth and enjoying life is concerned but it was worth it because even thought I'm not there yet I am enjoying life more now than I have the past 3 years I've been on this forum. It wasn't that long ago for me I have been in your situation but more like I came back full circle and landed directly back at square one, "What is the purpose of my existence" but this time I finally have an answer for it.

Mine was through martial arts I always wanted to do it but just didn't have the correct circumstances to take advantage of it and truthfully I still don't but I made it work I'm carving out my own path and regardless of the minor B.S. that I've encountered thus far I have been in a better state of mind almost to a point where I'm at peace I say almost because there are things that still upset that are out of my control but it has less control of me now and I can shake it off fairly quickly.

Since then I have come to grips that maybe I will live as a sexual failure, so what if I am at least I can do things that are outside of sex I find truly enjoyable. the crazy part is I am beginning to notice more and more looks not just from women but men as well I almost find it baffling.

I recently started interacting more with women again after being apathetic for so long and its not as bad as our minds make it seem we just need to be aware of what is going on so we can handle the situation accordingly pretty soon though I will stop interacting with them altogether because I'm about to buckle down and put in some serious grind time into my hustle I have 6 months to prepare and I will be basically putting myself through to the brink of death but for I what I want to do it will be worth it . Moose its good you are introspecting yourself but I think you need to do something that you truly enjoy to get out of your slump or you will be stuck this way as far as I can tell anyway, I still have issues with my approval seeking but I decided I will no longer let it run my life what will you decide.

I have a story I will soon be sharing and the time for that is drawing near I hope you, current, and future members will benefit from it, the experiences I went through have been something else. Until then you guys will not see me here for awhile, hopefully and most likely if things follow through like its supposed to will start next month, for time will most definitely be precious then.

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~There's weakness in the hearts of all humans are you afraid to acknowledge yours... ~
Mr. Todo

Pretty much what I have done too.. If nothing else it provides you with the view that you can still enjoy life even if you don't have all the shit inside solved

I speak for myself, I definitely do! I know my reasons for it.

I wasn't ready for it and still feel at times I'm not, BUT the difference this time around is I'm going to keep showing up.
I would get caught in a vortex of thinking and thinking.
I would get nothing done, except feeling like shit.

“If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you’ll never get it done.” ~Bruce Lee
Moose, seems like your trying to eat the elephant all in one sitting.
Put the spoon down, your FULL.

You've done what you can, brought it to the surface.
Trust the process and let it do what it needs on it's own.

In terms of working out:
You workout, then you REST.
You rest to let the muscles do what they need do (rebuild).
Get it?
If your talking about purpose/vision then I understand. I too clarified what's my purpose being here (this forum) and what I want to do; in short it HELPS.

Very nice TheKidd; simple & profound.
The power we have in ourselves is truly UNIMAGINABLE.
I can't imagine how great I can be.
It can be bigger than the picture my mind has.
If you can picture this, it's trippy!

I'm going through something similar although not quite as severe. I feel as though I am alone but I don't usually feel lonely. I occasionally long for people to be around me but I know that I need to get comfortable with myself first.

I do seek approval and get all nervous when girls walk past because a part of me wants them to glance at me. I can't help but feel a bit disappointed when they don't. The positive is that I know it's totally ridiculous and that's gotta go.

It's all a work-in-progress and you can take comfort from the simple fact that you recognize you're seeking approval and you DON'T like it. Once you see that you dislike this, you can start envisioning your ideal self and start digging for ways on how to become that. And I'm at this stage right now.