Natural Freedom

Shits really starting to come together.
Was squandering for a couple of years. Half-ass'd the process.

Have been spending much more time alone and have been enjoying what's come from it. Am a third of the way through the 90 day challenge. Has been very beneficial, entertaining, and eye opening thus far. Huge willpower booster to take on something like that.

Recently I've been touching in on how much hate I have for myself. I mean, from an objective point of view I really went out of my way to make life difficult. So, I've been digesting that and getting to the core of that. Forgiveness.

One thing that really has been fucking me up is the ugly truth of reality; people are selfish, two-faced, and use others; females SOO much more (generally speaking). This was incredibly hard, and still hard to digest once I decided to open my eyes to it. Fucking bitches!

I wasn't aware of how much I was being manipulated and made a fool.

Right now, I sort of fucking hate girls and people at that. I don't feel like even chatting with others really. Could go the whole day not opening my mouth.

I walk around and just see all these phony bitches and dumb-asses!
Inter-linked into this system, carrying themselves as though they really have shit and are shit!

One thing I feel is my hate externally is a reflection of my hate internally.
If I was at peace within, then what others did externally, phonies or bitches, would not effect me.
I'd like to hear from the wiser one's on if that statement is correct.
Is my hate for other from realizing the ugly truth, or realizing how much I hate myself?

Seeing behind doors, true motives of others, is some heavy duty shit. You should really understand what you're getting yourself into being apart of what is offered her. For some people, this shit is too heavy. Those people should just be happy enjoyiing their steak.

I thought I was a steak eater after being on here for two years with little depth to show for it. Thankfully I squashed that belief out a few weeks ago.

To bring this vent to a close I'll share what happened last week...

Woke up feeling like I hadn't got any sleep at all. Had to be at an event for the program I'm apart of. Did an hour of that and I was really fucking shaky, mentally. At the event I was looking at others to pick me up. "Smile with me", pick me up from my shitty mood please! I was slurring my words and forgetting all the information I learned to educate others on. I was PISSED.

Fast forward to the end of the school day and I walk out of class. I say to myself with some damn conviction I haven't felt in a LONG TIME, or maybe EVER, "I'm ALONE.". I said something else that was like: NO one will take me where I want to go. I have to take myself. I kicked an acorn on the ground immediately after what I said, then one step later an acorn grazed my right cheek which probably had fallen off the branch above. WOW!!! WTF! I just started laughing! Still brings a smile writing it up right now.

What a sign! What are the odds?! And, the acorn that grazed my cheek did so softly and lovingly; almost in a caring way. My translation of the incident:

You are ALONE.
DON'T forget that.
Yet, you are connected and a part of this UNIVERSE.
DON'T forget that either!

FUCKING BEAUTIFUL.

EDIT: I wanted to make this thread short, but just started coming out once I started typing.

Not sure if I'm one of the "wiser ones", but:
Your hate comes from the fact that you realize other people are in it for themselves and won't fill the hole you have within for you. On some level, you realize they won't provide what you always thought they would, and it's pissing you off.

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Take it easy, man. But take it.

It is a projection, "Mirror" as 'Grinus would say.
There is a thread about this but I don't remember what it is called.
It's not either/or, it is the same thing.
The same truths apply to you as a human being and your calling them "ugly" is a centerpiece.
This is right on. It is an important realization that changes the tone in a more useful direction for you.

"They" use other people, have a transactional element to their relationships. So do you. This "truth" is only "ugly" by judgement against some fake idea you have - an idea that part of you still hold on to and you think applies to yourself. They are not like my ideal but I am.

It is like being mad at bees for making honey and protecting the queen. "This world is so cruel, bees sting me, I'm gonna have to accept this truth that they are fucking assholes." - Bees are being bees. If you think it's supposed to be something else, then it becomes ugly. If you want their honey and to be the queen, and you're not - well then they are huge assholes and life is cruel and unfair but you are finally accepting it. If you are a bee and can't accept that you are the same way, then it's all of the above plus a whole mess of other shit.

Of course there are people who are phonies and assholes and women who are a total drag etc. However the more goggles you have on, the more you walk in with an idea of "everyone is blah blah, how cruel, i'm alone, blah blah" the less you'll be able to just the person you are interacting with RIGHT NOW and to treat them accordingly

Said this before, if you walked past 'Grinus on the street you'd just assume he is "one of them" - he's not glowing or something - and you'd probably never have a chance to meet the dude if you lumped him in with all the strangers in the world.

The ego LOVES to make a dramatic hero's journey out of the whole "red pill" thing. Suddenly you are this big super hero against the world, you are accepting this secret hidden truth that noone else sees and there is simultaneously hatred but a giant propping up because now you are one the 'special, different ones' - the centerpiece behind the whole drive in the first place. It loves and hates it.

The big fight against the matrix and the red pill and the big movie starring you that eventually is going to beat all the bad guys and get all the money and pussy? Let it go. The faster you do the more simple it becomes.

Huge anger and all this stuff coming up is part of the process. I'm not suddenly denying all the analogies and the journey involved, i'm talking about getting attached to the idea as a means of getting stuck.. thinking you have 'arrived' or are making progress when you really aren't, you've just latched on to this idea - that is to watch out for.

How to check in? Simple, look at your life -- more importantly, your internal state. Are you walking around thinking about your 'red pillness' and how cruel the world is, or are you too busy smiling and chilling out and being at peace. Notice how part of you actually loves that whole story much more than the one where you are just happy, because that's too simple. It will tell you quite clearly if you are moving forward or stuck in some fairy tale. The ego is clever enough to do this at ANY stage of the game.

The truth of people, life, reality has been in front of your face the entire time. It never was anything else, except in your mind. You are simply removing layers to see it. The more judgement you have it about it, the more "story" you have about it, is still all super imposed on top of it.

Don't worry about "us" being on another level or that you belong to some inside secret group, now you know the special truth etc - you're getting it and the 'steak eaters' can have it or not. Whatever man. You are enjoying a more peaceful, simple life where you are getting what you want out of it, or you are not

The truth is very simple and direct and will set you free. The more it is a source of pain/anger, and a source of separation, the more it is your mind and ego taking a simple realization and creating a new identity around it.

If you choose to play, play to win

Also, good work and it sounds like you are staying open and enjoying the more 'beautiful' aspects of this as well


PS -- the biggest argument is usually "well, i don't have any opinions about bees being bees because I don't want to sleep with female bees, they aren't the ones who give me a job or not etc. etc." -- the more your sense of peace/happiness comes from within you, the more behavior or conditions out there take on that same level of no-effect. It won't bother you, like you said, in fact you won't even see it the same way. This inner state will get reflected back to you more and more by the world and 'those people' and begin a positive loop. If you are too absorbed in the illusory fight, it can be a barrier to experiencing this.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTXz8xMaJi4

Interesting moose. My upbringing was one based on generosity; helping others out. My mom, was one who would exert so much on others, via her nice actions, that would be deflated after some didn't "appreciate" her niceness. Apple doesn't fall to far from the tree.

I thought I believed it to be because how much of an asshole everyone is. Thinking about themselves and if they can come up. But, your point resonates.

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Flow your post just hit on so many levels.
Are you saying that my hate for the "ugly truth" and my hate for myself is the same thing? Same hate?
Very true. My ego wanted to think otherwise; as if I was better, but in reality my relationships are transactional as well. Do all relationships have this transactional undertone?
I thought I was seeing reality for what it was, but doesn't seem like that was the case. I guess I'm already going in with a preconceived notion, everyone's a bitch/ass! Instead of an open'ness and see what others bring forward. Asshole treat accordingly, sincere...open up a bit.
THIS SO MUCH! I did love it when I created this. I loved feeling like it was me against the world. Like I was REALLY different and UNIQUE. I definitely propped myself up and carried myself differently. I believed I was going to come out of this stronger and be completely different. I would still love it if you hadn't brought this to my attention!
It is a slippery slope and I can easily slip if I'm not focused.
I feel the first one more right now. Your right with I can't be at peace right now, because that's just to easy! Completely absurd, but the truth.
So true. It's never been anything else. What you write about is similar to "suchness" in Zen.
I'm for sure caught up in the illusory fight!

Flow you knocked my ego on the head and started dragging it out into the light with this post!!!

I can relate. The thing is, I thought the same as you. How everybody is this big selfish asshole while I'm the nice happy go lucky guy being pushed down by all of them.

That was bullshit. All I was ever angry about was the fact that I was being pushed down and supplicating to other people, couldn't really do what I wanted (but what my parents wanted) and felt no freedom.

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Take it easy, man. But take it.

Bitter truth, but it has to be accepted.

You'll eventually get use to wearing the fake smile mask and enjoy being the evil genius behind it. The anger goes away because you realize that now that you know the truth you can bend things to your will, but even though the anger is gone you still can't care about anyone the same. I'm sure most of us who see the truth are Oscar worthy actors in our daily lives.

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The honey doesn't chase the bee.

A wise man once said "I find that a duck's opinion of me is influenced by whether or not I have bread."

Why Bitter Truth ? It is perfectly logical, reasonable and constructed by nature.. I never got why anybody has problems with this, I don't see it bitter, possibly thanks to the fact that I know I'm the same like everybody else.
Why fake smile mask and why evil genius ? Seems like so much hassle and forced strategizing and whatever..
But I agree on this. Recently friends have been talking about doing something for somebody, and one girl said "... And what if it's somebody you care about more than most people ..." and I realised how I don't have people like this anymore.
I don't agree on oscar acting. At all. But yeah, I'm known for my ability to speak my mind and heart freely, without concern of hurting anybody or not in the process

In my experience yes.
I'm NOT saying that anything about the external world actually changes, or that now you are supposed to 'love it' the way you love your favorite pet, but to me the word love means total acceptance and hate would be the opposite of that.

When you just allow it to be what it is and see that it does not effect you in the bigger sense, not your core being, your sense of peace/self - the taste of that peace is unlike anything. It's beyond all. The 'cruelty' of it all fades away because your happiness never depended on it.

It's easy to be mad at the world because it can't give you what you want. Now it's, fuck the world, it was a lie, etc. When you actually find what you want within you, peace predominates.
In my experience also yes, but that is not a problem.
If you have a good family relationship even that is conditional/transactional on some level, or a high level. There may be a 'love' underneath it but again love to me is total 100% acceptance.

I don't believe you can get 100% unconditional acceptance from anyone but yourself.
If one takes this to mean all your friendships and things you created with others (interactions on this forum for example) are now totally bullshit and empty, that's your problem. It means what you make it mean.

What route you take is optional. If you find the peace you are looking for inside of yourself, you might start to see all 'those people' doing what they are doing because of deep unconsciousness. They, like you, were convinced the world was supposed to give them something it couldn't and are desperately trying to get it through means that it can't be gotten so there is a constant, underlying anger/sadness/frustration. You know what it feels like because you have taken steps to bring it up and look right at it. There's not much to get from them since they can't give it to you anyway. You may feel that freeing yourself from the rat race-- and helping those who also want to, actually becomes more important to you. There's a reason that movie isn't neo learning the matrix and then hanging out for 20 years flying around being the man. The concern becomes the truth, not having fun in a dream. It becomes something bigger than him. He ultimately gives his own life to free others. There's a reason guys here who are already very successful hang out on a forum like this when they clearly don't need to 'get' anything from it other than to give/help because that is rewarding to them. Or it's fun for them - whatever

That's not now what you are 'supposed' to do - you should do whatever you want along the way have as much fun as possible and enjoy all the perks and do what inspires you. Just be open to all the options. Ultimately it is still about choosing what inspires you and moves you towards peace/enjoying your life (or at least being less angry about it), and/or having a sense of purpose (usually a good component to enjoying it) - so don't worry, it's still totally selfish in that way

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTXz8xMaJi4

"Personality" or "persona" comes from the Greek word 'to sound through' and quite literally referred to masks that performers wore with devices to project their voice.

Unless you live in a cave, sometimes you gotta plaster on that shit to go about your day smoothly or get what you want. You just don't confuse the mask for who you are anymore, it's now something you consciously put on. When they go into the matrix they know it's the matrix and they've got a leg up but they still gotta 'play the game' to more than a small extent.

It'd be great to not have to do it but that ain't the human condition. Like I said imho if you choose to play, play to win (just realize it is a choice and it takes a lot of the load off -- ie, get it because it's fun, not because it's the source of your happiness, self etc). If that involves being an evil genius so be it

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTXz8xMaJi4

What the fuck do you mean why the bitter truth, have you missed the part of everyone being pissed off when they find out

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The honey doesn't chase the bee.

A wise man once said "I find that a duck's opinion of me is influenced by whether or not I have bread."

I'm trying to express that I don't understand why you guys perceive it as bitter, that's all

I've never met anyone who has gone down the road of self-discovery that said it was all parades and blowjobs and fun times.

I have been shaken to my core and had to accept very deep aversions more times than I can count. The phrase "bitter pill" applies to all of them.

My point is not to get stuck in or overly fascinated with the drama of that. The less I resist and identified with the process the light at the end of the tunnel Consumes the tunnel.

Just like the whole "making friends with your demons" - They don't change or go away. Your relationship to them does. Yet to find anything this does not apply to.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTXz8xMaJi4

You don't understand a lot of things.

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EVERYTHING in life is conditional...EVERYTHING.

Pimposophy Revisited is now finally available on Amazon in all territories!

But, don't we consciously put it on? Neo and the crew consciously went back into the Matrix whenever they did.
That's so GOLD!

Are you messing with my head? I DID say "now we consciously put it on"

It just becomes more choice than thinking the mask is YOU and that how people react to it is *personal*

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTXz8xMaJi4

Whoops! Brain fart!
I understand.
Lots of Heavy Lifting today!
I'm enjoying this, cause I know it's the truth!

Many nice posts and enlightening comments in this thread flow..

A pleasure to read

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.

How come that on one hand "being yourself and expressing yourself honestly" is discussed so frequently, and on the other "wearing a mask and being rational and calculating"??
How does that work out?

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Perfect behavior is born of complete indifference.

Calibration based on circumstance, is the key between knowing when to be open and honest and when to where a mask.

Just because your indifferent doesn't mean that wearing your heart on your sleeve won't get you fucked, in business and personal life.

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"The heart is deep beyond all things, and it is the man. Even so, who can know him."

It's more so the knowledge here is laid out for you. What you do with it is up to YOU. (wear Masks when you want or NOT up to YOU).
This is one of the threads that opened up a LOT for me *clicks bookmark in brain's memory*