Natural Freedom

Alright, I need a kick in the ass. To start off the new year I figured a make a journal to write down my experiences and get feedback. Trying to change my life routine for a bit these next 30 days. I'll add more soon.

Here a couple of ground rules I have to follow.

1. No masturbation, porn for 30 days. Shit has been fucking me up.

2. No procrastination, When something needs to be done. Just do it. No websurfing, tv, distractions etc.

3. Feel emotions fully without labels

4. No absent minded fantasy daydreaming, focused Visualization only.

5 Ignore negative thoughts or make them irrelevant (if feelings come up see #3)

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"...There is only one thing you can do. Master that one thing!...What you must be doing is visualizing yourself at your most powerful. You don't need any external enemies. The only opponent you must fight, is none other than your own image."

Sounds like a good plan flux. Focused visualizations instead of daydreaming is a great idea. Adding a few minutes of meditation to that list could be nice too holmes.

Something of a support group for #1: http://www.reddit.com/r/nofap They say you should go 90 days, but it's up to you.

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Take it easy, man. But take it.

Of course.
Nah, I'm not going that hard to need that type of support. I like starting with thirty. It makes it look easier. If I want to move up after that then I will.

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"...There is only one thing you can do. Master that one thing!...What you must be doing is visualizing yourself at your most powerful. You don't need any external enemies. The only opponent you must fight, is none other than your own image."

Okay guys I failed, Or maybe half-failed. I looked at porn but didn't masturbate. I just like the feeling of being horny Lol
But really it was from just procrastinating and not wanting to do some shit that I knew would be a pain in the ass, I really need a person to kick me in the ass any time I mess around, I'll pay! Actually after 2 days of not doing anything watching porn is making me less horny. My body knows it won't be getting it's fix.

I'll get deeper in my life real soon. But for now here some other mental notes.

-I don't have to know everything, be okay with the process.

-Take action and be willing to deal with the consequences

-Pain is temporary and after it's gone who cares?

-Need a Vision

-Any time I have the craving to watch porn, just remember I'll be fucking a cute girl up the ass soon...

-Leave a hour or 2 each day to bs or relax.

I want to build a lifestyle which I can pursue my personal goals while having friends and hot women around. I going try out a couple things. I'm really psyched about the next few days, I just received a copy of Hidden Colors and Hidden Colors 2 By Tariq Nasheed (I know some of you know him) in the mail.

http://hiddencolorsfilm.com/dvd.php

I won't talk about it till I watch it though, has to deal with the history of black people.

I'm looking into a book called "My Big Toe"
I think I might hang out with a friend tomorrow, social life is pretty dead right now so any small step is golden.

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"...There is only one thing you can do. Master that one thing!...What you must be doing is visualizing yourself at your most powerful. You don't need any external enemies. The only opponent you must fight, is none other than your own image."

As I've been called a procastinator ( ), might as well continue :

There is nothing wrong with liking the feeling of horniness.

There is nothing wrong with not doing what you don't want to do.

There is nothing wrong with messing around.

What is truly valuable, you can't pay for.


If man's only need is to identify what he needs, what do you REALLY need ?

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"You can tell a lot about a person by how they react when someone dies." - Charlie Kirk

I don't know what I need.

Been dealing with anger and depression for the last few days, I usually would attribute this feeling like a loser, because I'm not cool, or not I'm not having sex like everyone else, and my I hate women issues. This is false.

I know this because when I have talk with girls I'm attracted, these feelings disappear. I'm putting them in a motherish role, looking for validation I never gotten. That's why I get oneitis for these chicks really fast. Actually I don't see a problem with this. The problem is lack of socializing with in real life. So what if my feelings keep putting me in the friendzone, keep go them as friends so you have people you can talk to, and fuck other chicks, find dudes(and girls) to talk to eliminate some neediness. eventually my body emotions will fix itself, as I stop seeking these things. All that is needed is effort and willpower to work.

As for the anger and depression just leave it. It's not going to stay forever, that's impossible, and in a different perspective these emotions aren't that bad.

I need to watch hidden colors 2 and start on my webcomic.

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"...There is only one thing you can do. Master that one thing!...What you must be doing is visualizing yourself at your most powerful. You don't need any external enemies. The only opponent you must fight, is none other than your own image."

I've been thinking about moving out and becoming more independent, but that's not the main reason. My parents can be very negative and have picked up a lot of their negative energy and programing, they're not the only ones at fault for that but I think it's hard to change in a toxic environment, especially when people are used to keeping you in certain roles.

How should I prepare?
My plan is to go to community college for the now and the summer then transfer to a university stay on campus then move to a school suite or apartment with some friends. After I graduate, I don't wanna come back home though. I'm not sure if I should try to move before I finish school..I think I'll wait until I get a car.


Thoughts?

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"...There is only one thing you can do. Master that one thing!...What you must be doing is visualizing yourself at your most powerful. You don't need any external enemies. The only opponent you must fight, is none other than your own image."

Maybe you do need it.

Maybe.


The procrastination habit has still been kicking my ass, I need to figure out the source of this, by doing the work of course.
I've been looking in to 4 areas of life that hold my interest currently.

Areas:
Physical- Body image, physical health, Fitness, Athletic ability
Nonphysical- Mindset, mental and emotional state, Spiritual truth(s), knowledge, and application.
Social relationships-How I relate to the people around me, how my mindset affects these relationships.
Personal accomplishments- What have I done for myself that makes you feel good. What can I say I did and did a damn good job at. Ranges from artistic things to music, writing, anything that gets finished really.

I have decided hat having to many goals creates analysis paralysis and I just need to pick 1 or 2 things to focus on and let go of the rest. I wanna look at it like this- It's okay if you never reach your goals or die before you can get what you think you want, It's really the feeling of peace and acceptance that you want and you can have that at anytime, Let go of feeling like you have to complete everything to feel good about yourself and relax, don't think about not reaching the goals you're not focused on at the moment.

Yeah basically focus on 1-2 things, and train myself to no focus on other goals until they are done.

So here it is
1.The Work
-Mental and emotional-Meditate, do TRE (Trauma release exercises),visualize,get to the bottom of negative
emotions-feel them fully. Get feedback. Become my own best company.
-Experiment with social relationships, Take nothing personally, be unattached, Chill with guy friends. Don't waste
time with chicks, either they're down or not.
-Physical-Workout at the gym or house, Play a sport,eat right.
2. School and Work
-Work diligently and keep up with things so you can transfer to a university and
-Keep making paper, eventually find a job closer to home.

*take time to relax and do other hobbies, try new things as much as possible so I actually know what I like and I'm not guessing.

Um..that's it. I feel like I know what to, I just need to do it. I don't know what's stopping me from getting it done.
as for what I wanna do for a life goal...This may change but I wanna get graduate college. Work in the gaming industry then make my own business and travel the world. Chilling doing what I want when I fucking want.

I watched hidden colors 2 holy shit, if you're black you should take the time to watch that movie, Maybe I'll post about it.

_________________
"...There is only one thing you can do. Master that one thing!...What you must be doing is visualizing yourself at your most powerful. You don't need any external enemies. The only opponent you must fight, is none other than your own image."