Just had an interesting experience recently, this is the first time this has happened to me and this is where my budding mindset (thanks to Kidd!!!) was put to the test:
The day before me and my gf had an argument, she got up and packed her things heading towards the door, I had a really bad feeling but I knew the implication of acting on it so I did nothing and sat down playing my videogames, she asked me why I was not doing anything to stop her leaving, I told her if she wants to leave then it's her choice so there's the door.
She stood there and told me she did not actually want to leave, once she decided she wanted to stay, she wanted me to do something (I'm guessing lean in to kiss her) but she was verbalizing it in a way that would make it seem like it was my idea or desire for her to stay, in my head I was like 'fuck that, I'm not doing anything' I was gonna call her out on it but that would be wasted words as she would deny it, so I stood there and let her come to me.
All is good until the next day when we have a talk and she starts making demands:
-She wants me to come over more often and initiate our meetings (as in me asking her if I can come over to hers). To be fair she does come over at least 80% more than I do, I could be less staunch about that but I still have to keep the percentage high on her part (at least 60%). She asked me why she has to be the one to initiate and I told her 'that's how it's always been between us'. She claims if she didn't make an effort to come over all the time then we would never see each other, which is not entirely true, I would just rather be at home where I can do some work, I have less frequent lazy weekends cuz I can't stand doing nothin. Also her making an effort proves to me that she's for real and sticking to her word about what she told me in the beginning, so I'd be more inclined to keep things as they are, if I started coming over a bit more due to her making that demand it would be a lack of integrity on my part.
-She wants me to initiate conversation: in my observation the few times that I have (in the name of science) she did not see that interested or at least less so than when she initiates, so I stopped altogether. Again back to the previous point, at the beginning she had to prove herself to me and far as I'm concerned that has not changed.
-She wants me to say "I love you", which I do sometimes, but only in response to her saying it. I would not feel comfortable doing that and we all know what happens when we switch roles, so fuck that lol.
These are things she says I'm 'supposed to do anyways', which made me think for a second. I don't do typical boyfriend shit like buying flowers and candy, it's been over a year now and I have not done that once, if I offer a gift (only her birthday, Christmas and anniversary) it has to be useful and lasting, unlike flowers.
Anywho, I reminded her of the initial terms and agreement to our relationship and told her that I will not cater to her demands as they're unreasonable and it's fundamentally wrong to ask me to change my personality to please someone else, then she asked me if I would stay like this even if it would jeopardize everything? and I told her yes. I thought she would leave but she started getting more affectionate. I really like this girl but if she wants to bounce I would accept it and let her go and not look back, I've wasted too much time in my past pining over women that changed their mind.
The following quote kind of explains the vibe that was going on between us after all that happened, cuz she's seen me evolve but had to test where I stand (now I know why this is essential):
http://www.naturalfreedom.info/viewtopi ... 562#p19562
They had to see I would walk away and not put up with it. Until I showed them that, they did not fully believe I would. Until they saw that, it was merely a thought, a question, rather than hard facts and reality.'
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