Natural Freedom

I have other things going on that will be very beneficial soon and its got me excited, so I wasn't really looking for anything other than just chilling. I was chilling with my homie and his lady friend we were just kicking it doing our usual shenanigans when we all decided to start dancing (this won't long wasn't a lot of action tonight).

So by the time I could finally let go of my own insecurities and truly have a good time I was pretty drunk, so my mind and body couldn't really synch up the way I wanted to and I still apparently have some approval seeking behaviors I have to deal with because my confidence was not with me at all last night.


Prior to this I took the plunge and bought this book its pretty informative, of course there is some stuff I don't agree with as far as attracting the other sex goes but it definitely speeds up the process of confirmation (http://www.readingherbody.com/). I decided to just enjoy the music and just dance and when I did this little cutie gave me big signals on the floor she was dancing in front of me she was touching (as The Kidd!! was saying there was no reason for her to touch me at all so I know she was digging me) me then she came right up to and dance in front of me but I was kind of drunk to reciprocate on time and also frozen in place when this did happen so I don't think she got the hint I was interested. I was pissed at myself at first but its done and over with now so no use dwelling over it but this is good at the same time because now I am finally starting to pick up on whats going on around me.

I decided for myself the next time I go out I will be more confident in myself and not drink as much. Now I understand why I drink alcohol its because I don't have the confidence in my self to be comfortable being me if I truly didn't give a fuck then this wouldn't be an issue and I could've been knocking down slim right about now still going I have frustrations that needs to be released its been quite awhile now.

When I go out next time I decided I will not drink as much and learn to be comfortable in my skin before I do. Its time I stepped out of my social comfort zone which is not very big and grow the fuck up. I learned more about myself all through yesterday and last night then I ever did in the past few years, inner work is very difficult and its hard to face these things but last night is motivation to finally grow towards being who I was always supposed to be. I had the confirmation externally but now its time to validate myself internally its time for change I got complacent when I moved out of my folks home. Oh well at least now I have more control of my sex drive and more aware of my environment and learned more about myself, usually I would be looking at porn right now because I thought these bitches were too good to dance with me but it was just my own insecurities getting in the way all this time now I am thinking back to all the times I went out and how I let all these chances slipped by me.

Next time I won't be having none of that

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~There's weakness in the hearts of all humans are you afraid to acknowledge yours... ~
Mr. Todo

very good

keep your mind sharp and face your insecurities. It's the only way to be free and become your own best friend.

And also, you need a clear mind in case a guy like him comes along:

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"a sniper is the worst romancer, he never makes the first move"

Resonance, I really want to try to give you some advice here without sounding like an asshole but it's hard to do that just typing it. The bottom line is your completely over thinking this stuff. Simply embrace the fact that you don't have to do anything. You shouldn't have to belief you have to do anything in order to have a good time. When you go out with your friends you shouldn't be thinking about anything. You should always have a good time when you go out. That's why people go out with their friends, it's to forget about all the bullshit and just have a good time. No one is judging you for having a good time. Everyone is busy with their own shit and doesn't care what your doing.

As far as the girl goes, it's possible you could of hooked up with her. If you were just having fun in the moment it's definetly possible. But it's nothing to beat yourself up over. You'll have tons of other chances my man so don't be hard on yourself about it.

Like a boss! Good shit Mikey

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The honey doesn't chase the bee.

A wise man once said "I find that a duck's opinion of me is influenced by whether or not I have bread."

Does it sound like I was hard on myself??

I was drunk when I was typing this (couldn't sleep) I do get emotional when in that stupor. I was only trying to really point out the small progress in my observation of my environment and the awareness of my subconscious and what I learned from this experience.

_________________
~There's weakness in the hearts of all humans are you afraid to acknowledge yours... ~
Mr. Todo