Natural Freedom

Case study :

I talked about her already, it's about my 24 yo brazilian 'housemate'.

She's with a guy, it's been a year now.

He is almost a conform copy of her last 'boyfriend', from Guadeloupean descent, 'good-looking' smooth talking man, with a mother who works like a house-guard for rich parents, lazy (the former worked some times, quit to touch money from the state (don't know how to say in english), but this one worked 2 monthes in this year, the rest of the time claims to not being able to find a job …).
I already talked about his tendency to lie (said he was brazilian, ...)

All that is the prelude to the actual situation.

I will try to do my best to be as objective as possible, writing both their points of views (what they say to me or what i hear from them), and mine.

Their relashionship is great minus two points :
1.He doesn't work, has no money, no home (he got kicked out of his mother's house because her man doesn't like him and judge that he should earn his own money)
2.She is JEALOUUUUUUS

Her point of view :
- He is lazy, he doesn't want to work, he is spoiled by his mom.
- He either cheats on her or hide something from her.

His point of view :
- He had a serious knee injury, and when he found a job as a farmer, it was difficult and dangerous.
- He worked two monthes at a mall, but he didn't like the job, the team …
- He says he sends many appliances (?) for jobs, his CV … but no responses.
- She is too jealous, from the start (at the beginning he showed her that it was only male friends, but … now he wants to handle her jealousy by refusing to play her games)

Facts :
- From the start, he said he was Brazilian, robbed, he lost his drivers licence … BUT HE LIED (the lies continued until recently by him saying to go out see his father in Paris, but he was with friends …)
When he lies, he says it with an excessive amount of details (he was even robbed food, they took pasta, cutlery and all that, or he imitated a discussion with his sister to prove he was in Paris …)
From the start, she is jealous (because everybody says he's handsome, he had a facebook account with 80% women friends, a woman contacted her to say 'you should be careful with him, he hurt me, he will hurt you' …).
- They can't spend a week without having an argument (either related to work or to him hiding something).
He NEVER left his phone accessible to her, always with him (and he doesn't show her who wrote him at 2 in the morning even if she's suspicious that it's a girl)
- They are (currently as I speak) having an argument, and he says (and said all day, pretending to leave, to go at a friend's house ...) regularly « I'm out of here, good luck with your life, you're crazy, we're done ... » but continue to talk to her trying to explain things

My thoughts on this situation, which is WHY I wrote all of this, so YOU GUYS can show me if I'm accurate, or if I didn't see everything... (self doubt of my abilities to read people)

- She is Low Self-Esteem (LSE), so by the fact she doesn't like herself, she can't trust her boyfriend to like her (or may even choose some players, some guys which could prove her right to think so)
- He probably is LSE too (even though he has success with women), or he wouldn't have to lie to bed women (and he says to EVERYONE that he's brazilian ...) or he's a Narcissic Manipulator, who make stories for each women which would have the best possible outcome for him with her, or he just like bullshit …
- He seems to TRY to be in control (maybe it's just his type of speaking), to say "I go", but stays, it doesn't seem genuine (like he knows it's the ultimate card, losing him so he use and abuse of it).
- He should spend more time trying to do what he wants (all he does all day is watching football, or reading about it or planes), to be STABLE (at least financially).
- Their relationship isn't going to last long (and they will probably put the blame on the other) or they will manage this, making concessions …

And for my schizophrenic friend (ie : the part of me that always doubt myself, like to put the thing to the absurd) : I am LSE too, I derive a sense of pride in speaking of what is wrong with others because I don't want to look at myself honestly.


A funny fact :

A month ago, she said to me « can you believe that I always have to pay for him, that he doesn't work, he has no money, doesn't he have a sense of PRIDE, even with his friends I pay for him ? » so I said to her, «Almost every man pays for their women, he surely is proud (and his friends probably have more respect for him) to be taken care of rather than the contrary » but she didn't believe that


There.
EVERY INPUT IS VALUABLE.
I hope I provided an entertaining read

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"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn."
Alvin Toffler

I'm interested in knowing, why the fuck is she with him then.

Damn, I forgot that part.

I read last week :
"Women fear being alone more than being harmed"

That is probably the case (the fact that she only has her sister in france, not many friends, surely influence this)

Thanks for this input fufe, and all the best for your situation !

Edit: I thought about it again, and I could add, "you attract what you are" ...

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"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn."
Alvin Toffler

They are the same.

Mirror.

--
Yup

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.

I just read this quote by Grinus

I don't know what the aim was, but when I read it, I smiled immediatly, I knew someone would respond to that ^^.

For info, I said that ironically (I think) and I can assure you that I don't derive a 'sense of pride', and that the 'what is wrong' isn't what I felt when I posted it, I just wanted to know if my views were correct, and to study OBJECTIVELY the situation.
I don't think there's anything wrong with their situation, whatever happens in their life happens because of how they react to events, and their views.

I think I look at myself as honestly as one can, and as there's nothing I could do to prove it to you, I'll just leave it at that, even if further comments are welcome.

PS : Looking back, it's just another thread speaking of something that has been said countless times, so if there would be a lesson it would surely be : If you want to attract the best woman, you HAVE to be the best man.

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"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn."
Alvin Toffler

To complete the thread, I'll say that they're still together, fresh as a daisy.

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"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn."
Alvin Toffler

It's been over a month that they live together (at my mother's place), which provided me with real experience (since I don't have any) on relationships (I sure don't want this kind of relationship with a woman ...) :

- Since he 'works' six days a week (whether it's for 5, 6 or 7 hours) he always claim when he come home "Oh I'm so tired, I'm gonna sleep right away", "Oh I can't do anything tonight", you get it ...

He always complain about his work "There's been too much people today, tiring", "There was nobody today, boring", ...

As he works from 11am to 4pm, 5pm or 6 pm, and she works from 8pm to 2am, they don't see eachother very much.

So she starts to complain because she isn't sexed right, they only do it once a week and she has to force it and do all the work, he doesn't go down on her because it's dirty, but like when she goes down on him ...

Also, she complains about the fact that when she has a free day (which changes every week), he doesn't want to do anything at night with her (he's tired) so it's been a month that she doesn't do anything except watching movies, no dinner or anything (not even touching during the movie ...) BUT when he has a free day he goes to see his friends and SHE can't come with him ...

So it's been two weeks that she SAYS she wants to leave him, he's useless, ... AND tells him that also.

He just says she has a problem, she should see another man just to be sexed if she wants to

So yesterday night they had this 'big fight', in which she said he was no better than the last one (he said "go back to him then"), he says she's a "dirty whore" (litteral translation), she's a creep, and HIS MOTHER thinks so too .
BUT as he rented the same room as her, HE says he doesn't want to sleep anywhere else, so they ended up in the same bed.

Again, THEY said (last night) it's done, he'll go at a friend's house, she said to me it's finished ... blah blah.
We'll see


My questions are :

Does make-up (if they had) sex (she had many fights with her last boyfriends) slowly builds (pavlovian way) a connection between bad feelings (fights) and sex (pleasure) ?

If it is the case, then would a woman be willing to get her partner angry just in an attempt to have make-up sex with him ? (she wasn't willing either to not sleep with him, it's her room too)



As they're like eachother, it surely means that as long as their relationship continues, they'll continue to fight everyday, each willing to bend the other to his/her will.

The downside to this is :
- If he changes his behaviour (which he has done at the opposite of her will (she wants him to be more proactive physically, he retreats)), she won't 'love' him anymore because that's not how he was at the beginning (or is not so much the behaviour in itself as the vibe of "I do what I want")?
- If she changes her behaviour (which she has slightly done it over the month according to her), he will 'love' her more and their relationship could continue.

Am I missing something ?

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"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn."
Alvin Toffler

Some women ( or probably all) are like that. Sometimes you have to fabricate some drama so they can get their fix.

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"The heart is deep beyond all things, and it is the man. Even so, who can know him."

Rather than looking at it as good or bad or whatever.

It is emotion.

As Morpheus says, it is their fix, very much like a drug.

The drug of emotion.

_________________
In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.

It was actually Kidd who told me that on one of the phone calls

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"The heart is deep beyond all things, and it is the man. Even so, who can know him."

Thanks both, yeah, "the roller coaster of emotions".

Well to add more, after their argument, she went out the house to see her sister, and he texted her "I don't want to lose you, I regret, now I know I shouldn't insult you, I love you ...".
They went to bed without doing anything (she was still angry).
When he came back from work yesterday, he brought flowers and continued to apologize ... saying he'll change, he'll invire her to eat something on sunday ... they came back together (they called each other 'baby' again, like before (Try to act like an adult when you're considered a baby ^^))
and I'll see what comes next.

My only question : When you're a 'MAN', you create drama BY DEFAULT, by your attitude and everything, SO when she creates drama, you don't get sucked into it and it creates more for her ?

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"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn."
Alvin Toffler

Your tale of woe may just help re-mind others of another Mr. Golden.

You See ~ There once was a young and eager farmer who did indeed have the foresight to begin planting seeds early one Spring. But then again, because of his enthusiasm, he was driven to dig up and check the seeds every day to see how they were developing.

Later that Fall ... "There was no harvest to delight in!"

Now, how does this help you?

Enjoy/Sleep

Way too much thought and effort into analyzing just a piece of pussy.

However, she is with hm so she is getting something out of it and she's just bitching to get attention.

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The honey doesn't chase the bee.

A wise man once said "I find that a duck's opinion of me is influenced by whether or not I have bread."

Did you check all my posts ? I'm a young and eager farmer (though I haven't planted vegetable seeds yet this year).

Star is spot-on :
I'll finish updating this thread (because I lost interest, it's always and always the same) :
They're still together, he has bought her two meals and two T-shirts in the two or three weeks, which is probably as much as in the previous year ...


PS : lightsleeper, glad to have you here again

_________________
"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn."
Alvin Toffler