Natural Freedom

Oh ok, I'll do it for some time and see how it goes, thx

Btw, I'm interested in the other girl I mentioned.. She has most of the values I like in girls. Problem is that I don't know whether I really stand a chance lol or what to do...

Thats a start.
Dig a bit deeper and see what else she has to offer you.
Where you meet and where you differ?
If there are any deal breakers in there? Does she stand a chance?

Only then consider your position.

If she does not stand a chance with you, what does it matter the other way around...

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.

Peregrinus,

I thought about what you wrote and I got pretty deep within my psyché, it cost me almost a nervous breakdown - I was mad I could rip somebody's head and then I was sad I cried like a child. So following are my personal findings:

I'm now sure to my great dissatisfaction, that finding the best woman is the number one priority in my programming. Bigger problem is, it seems to be "Always searching, never finding." So I can't be ever happy, nor satisfied.
If I wasn't thinking about women, I don't know what I would think about really.

I also am now sure that my caling would be something as of my ancestors - Almost all men has been firefighters, in army or special forces, police or ambulance people.. But I can't do any of those because of my health.. So that won't help me fill the void I'd have when trying to disregard the search for a perfect woman

I'm not holding anything back, I'm completely honest... I did everything I could think of regarding this and it didn't work, so I'm trapped like a lion tied with chains in a cage

Isn't the best woman the one who will see you as a Man and Choose you, 'stepping up her game' in the process ?
What about "When you stop searching, you'll find."
Just consider this :
How does thinking about your situation with women make you feel ? unsatisfied, not happy (to quote you).
Why do you resist the urge to LET GO ? You're perpetuating this ...
The number one priority of your programming is BREATHING, DRINKING, EATING, and a SHELTER.
The number two priority is waiting for 'women in heat' (choosing you like crazy) to call you to jump them (patience, patience) ...

However, maybe you could try applying "The Manual" if that's what you want... (Scottie would attest for it I believe)

If it's 'almost' all of them, be one of the exceptions if your health doesn't permit it ...

Again, consider this : "What kind of human being you want in this world?

Maybe answering this question will lead you to something.

Why I think it works ? IT IS NEVER ABOUT THE OTHERS, ALWAYS ABOUT YOU.
In fact by asking this question you're just asking : WHAT KIND OF HUMAN BEING AM I ?

Hope it helps ...
The only prison is the one you create ... just saying.

_________________
"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn."
Alvin Toffler

All attempts to get rid of this do not work because it is created as a means to defend you- the one thing we do not try is completely allowing this to be there, not trying to change it, and seeing what purpose the energy has. It is never "negative" it is there for a reason.

Telling you that you created this does not help you very much after a certain baseline understanding- because that doesn't mean you can 'get rid of it' instantly just because 'you' created it. "You" created your fear for heights (if you have one, just a theoretical example) but does that mean you can just say "Ok, i decide not be afraid of heights anymore" as I push you towards a cliff? It is a process.

As GP Walsh often says, the one thing this system has no defense against is unconditional love. How do you defend against that?
The whole struggle is coming from wanting this to be gone when it is not going anywhere because it either has something to say, or because it is protecting you from something you actually believe would be worse.

The process for this is not intellectual. You'll just spin around forever if you use only analysis. It is a feeling process and a inquiry.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTXz8xMaJi4

So what you're saying, is that a person can't logically get rid of his fear simply by telling himself it's illogical and that it holds him back? How's that different from the feeling process and inquiry you describe? The fact that you discover why you have the fear in the 1st place and work on that?

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Take it easy, man. But take it.

Definitely not ruling out the value of mind and logic -- it is part of the equation, it's just that we usually try to use it beyond what it can actually do.

If it were really as simple as logic we could say: a guy who has no fear of death is going to be 1000x more powerful, move through life in a completely different way and probably be free of most if not all suffering.

You probably agree with that logically.

If that's all it took - boom, done. Fear of death gone. Mostly enlightened world - none of us would even be here talking, no natural freedom, no need for "inner work" etc.

Except there are tons of layers there - if that fear weren't there would I stupid stuff like walk off a cliff, and a billion other things. The mind likes to think if you just analyze these one at a time and knock them out somehow you'll be cool, or if you intellectually discover what the event is that caused it then it's all gone. Everyone who went to psychotherapy would be cured and ultra functional rock stars of life if that were the case. Thoughts are generated amazingly fast and this would take many lifetimes and still does not even necessarily hit the core where the fears are coming FROM.

Logic actually plays a part even in this process, because there IS a logical reason for that feeling to be there. It might not seem like it - it seems like it is doing nothing but fucking up your life and holding you back. But your nervous system is programmed for survival, it does not give a rats ass what you "think" should happen.

If you can continue to feel into the feeling itself, allow it to be there and allow it to tell you what it needs to tell you (often a warning) it can finally get quiet when it has had it's say. Often it is because it believes that if it weren't there, you would do [xyz] thing that either once had a traumatic result as a kid or earlier in life, or just something a strong belief was held about. Embarassment / dishonor can be more threatening to the ego than physical death and this will be protected from.

"What tool can I use to knock this feeling away and get rid of it" does not work for things this deep. All GOOD processes start with allowing or welcoming the experience - but even then the mind thinks ok this is a process for letting go, so lets hurry up and get to the part where I get rid of it. It's really about being with it. It's the last thing you want to do -- it's walking into the fire.

_________________
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTXz8xMaJi4

If you want to run through some of this type of work/process, PM me and we can go through it on skype.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTXz8xMaJi4

flow83, starting with the feeling or starting with the thought probably depends on the guy.
I always started with the thought (WHY THE HELL DO I THINK I'M NOT ENOUGH AS I AM ?) and see where it lead me (somehow I had not really 'connected' with my body, I wasn't aware of it... I was always in my head) : some physical attributes I didn't like, my place in life ...
THEN you accept the part you can't change and work your ass off to change the things you can ... (sounds familiar no ?)and TADA (not implying this is immediate, just that you know the end result and it's jsut a matter of time for it to be 'complete').

This I suppose is the same process of acceptance, or really "seeing" what holds you, of why you thought/acted like this in the first place (letting the EXTERNAL world dictate how you should think / feel ...).

That's why I said YOU create your problems, because along the lines, you still (of course as a baby you have to listen to your parents to survive ...) listen to others to dictate how you should think/feel.

Once you stop that, take yourself by the hand and HANDLE your life (even if that means pursuing the women you like, that's another subject) the way you want it to be, that should be a good start.

Are the layers anything else than what you don't want to see in/for yourself and take responsibility, so that you create the inconscious, the subconscious ? (yeah it's not my fault, it's inconscious ...)

Isn't there only just ONE consciousness, and what you don't see is because you're not comfortable seeing it ? (brings back past memories, bad experiences ...)

_________________
"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn."
Alvin Toffler

Nice man - it probably sounded like I was directed at you with the "just telling a guy he created his problems" - it's important for a person to get a basic understanding of that and get out of complete victim mentality or total hopelessness. Once they do (i'm assuming most guys here do) i'm just saying that can become another way to just beat yourself up, if you don't have a more complete picture of what is happening. I used to think, well, if i made it i can just change it instantly and i must be screwed up etc for it to still be there, when really the core of it was the approach.. how do I knock this out as opposed to learning how to be with it and actually work with it. Or just having guidance.

Lot of us start with the thought, all good -- the thing is learning to use that as a springboard to the feeling place. Thoughts are GENERATED constantly. Thousands and thousands per day, they come and go, they are not fixed things that are stored so you can be in an endless loop trying to analyze or fix them because they keep coming-- and the act of thinking about them itself just generates more thought on top of it. It's a bit of an art to follow them to the core of what underlying identity structure is generating the related thoughts.

My experience is also that subconscious is not a 'magic place' but a reference to those things we do not want to look at, something a lot of spiritual teaching talks about.

The only thing I like to keep aware of -- of course it is good to work and go after what you want, but noticing if the underlying motivation is out of true passion or the belief that getting those things will finally make you feel content. If it is the latter, getting the thing only satisfies it very briefly and then a new variation of it forms.. you need more, need to do it better, it was just a fluke, etc. So it's a balance act of inner work and outer action.

Like I said if anyone wants to run through a process w/ me re: feeling into these motivations etc just pm me and we can go through on skype. It's not going to lead into a sales pitch

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTXz8xMaJi4

I considered what you told me

The girls I was supposed to observe I most probably won't ever again see, she just doesn't have any time - And that's the dealbreaker for me absolutely.

The other one I want.. I considered what I really want and I'd go for it.. Only problem that is, that she's young and she may not really know what she wants yet and she may stray a lot.. But neverthless I'm not really sure I stand a chance, looking at it now I'm her last option.. But there things that I know she'd like, but she has no idea yet about them¨

Also I'm not able to not be attached yet.. That will probably take years in my case..

Allright, after this weekend, I know what women I like, it is very clear now.. And Kidd was right that my path could be tiring and it takes long..
The girl I wrote I like in last post, I know how she sees me now - I'm practically her "bodyguard" regarding guys she doesn't want, when they are too much up her ass and she's irritated, she goes to me, lies to me in night, whatever - guys get the idea I have something with her and often give up. She feels safe with me, but probably nothing else..

But also, close observing her she's got many things I like in women, most. So the woman I'd like to end up with for some time would be like her..
And to attract girls like her, you have to be almost emotionally bullet proof, practically very pimpy (regarding Kidd's approach), so I have to work on that over time.

I also find her more cute in loose t-shirt and pants, than in the costumes she often wears, for example maid costume which makes most of the guys almost touch their weenies I find that interesting

I don't want to disrespect anybody here, but I these forums don't attract me anymore.. I may read Kidd's articles once in a while and check sometimes but that's it. But I thank for all the value everybody created

I will break it down :
If you came to this forum attracted by all the things to read, all the stuff that you (thought you) had to do (improving yourself, changing your mindset) in order to get something you wanted (women, that you thought you needed), then you were inclined to listen to everyone (even if you have some preferences, either Kidd, Grinus or Star_Above ...), ... You read, you read, you applied (a little or a lot), you learned from trial and error, you changed things you could, accepted things you couldn't ... YOU WORKED HARD TO BETTER YOURSELF.

Then at the point you seem to be at, you aren't attracted to this forum the way you looked at it before, as a means to get you somewhere, to improve yourself ... DOES THIS MEAN YOU HAD NO VALUE FROM IT ? NO as you said. You just from now are inclined to trust yourself MORE than what others say. Why would anyone feel disrepected by that ? That's why they're here, to tell you to trust yourself no matter what ... TO BE YOURSELF

That's when you realise that there's NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU, there never was except from what you thought was true (which transpired in your beliefs, your actions, your results), and you accept things/people as they are (like the tree).

Maybe the answer, is not looking at the forum as the value you can get, but from now as the value you can give to those who were in your situation years/months/weeks ago, even though you may think it has no value, maybe someone will.

Don't know if that says more about 'you' or about 'me', but you inspired me. Thanks

On a side note,
Have you noticed what women like you ?
Does it coincide with the women you like ?
You should definitely watch Bodyguard with your friend ...

_________________
"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn."
Alvin Toffler

That's very cool and accurate breakdown !
Allright.. I often underestimate myself, I didn't think I could be much of a help to anybody. Thanks - How did I inspire you btw ? I'm curious..

The women I like often like me, but it lasts a month or so mostly.. I have to find out why, everytime it has been probably something else, I need more experience to be sure of that

Bravo!!

_________________
In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.

@Grinus : Thanks
How do you know you haven't helped somebody ?
There's not only helping in the 'knowledge' department, there's your friendliness (If I recall you were the first one to welcome me for example), your stories, your honesty ... Enough already, don't want to infatuate your ego
Without what you wrote (the word 'disrespect' in particular caught my attention, like it could happen) I wouldn't have wrote it, so your words inspired mine ... (and from what I know, every guy who REALLY disrepected this forum and his members was seen as a bit of fun and life )

Surely someone who 'disrespects' you for doing what you want and going your way (even if that includes leaving this forum for a while) is either jealous (coz he doesn't have the guts to do the same), or has something to sell (and would try to convince you that you need him or his products ...) NONE OF THOSE PEOPLE ON THIS FORUM (I believe).

So fly, baby bird, and even if you fall you'll rise again (and share your stories ... )

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"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn."
Alvin Toffler

lol!

Not sure where this thread is going.

The story is very simple. The girl likes, just not enough to jump your bones. This is because you do not stimulate her emotionally. I think one or two of the posters above do have a point i.e you might not even be interested in this girl but that's no reason, no reason at all, why she shouldn't be interested in you.

Focus on the greatest excitement in your life. Your greatest emotional stimulation. Focus there.

Hint, hint.

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Sparkling All Over

Thanks GoldenBoy, I appreciate that I'll post some stories, as soon as I happen to experience some...
Hmm.. I'm having a hard time figuring out what is greater emotional stimulation than women Well I like helping people, lately I've been focusing on providing people oppurtunities to meet new people, I like that.. If that's my greatest excitement I don't know, I don't think so.. I guess I don't know what that is

Relax and ask "what is most important to me" - a few times. What do you get?

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTXz8xMaJi4

Goddamn you guys like to make it complicated when it's really not.

_________________
The honey doesn't chase the bee.

A wise man once said "I find that a duck's opinion of me is influenced by whether or not I have bread."