I met up with my buddy Scarf tonight and had a stimulating and lengthy discussion about space and other stuff.
From our discussion I was made aware of some great tools to maintain indifference and resolve the past within myself, the one that stands out to me is 'out of sight, out of mind', if she is not there she does not exist, all these songs on the radio remind us to carry her with us all day long and long for her embrace etc., that kills productivity and personal progress like a mofo.
I also had a thought when Scarf brought up the point that there is no such thing as actually being in love, [romantic] relationships are nothing more than a [societal] boundary that people impose on each other, what 'love' actually is is an experience that two people share in the moment, women (and symps) percieve this experience as something entirely their own and become dependent on the other and interpret that as being 'in love', so when someone says they're 'in love' they're most likely referring to their dependency on the other...the reason why the idea of a monogamous relationship irks me is not solely due to my past experiences but also the freedom and time I would sacrifice for it is not worth a fleeting thought.
About presence, the reason we have intellectual conversations when we're drunk and can just blurt this shit out is we're not thinking but speaking from a higher intelligence within ourselves, I'm learning to do this sober (easier said than done) but it comes down to being here and now, whenever my mind drifts I always have this voice reminding me "where are you man? you're supposed to be here!".
There's alot more I discussed with him but it's all stewing in there somewhere, if you see this Scarf feel free to add on to what we discussed, I'm internalizing everything and feeling it rather than words if that makes sense. :p