Natural Freedom

We fear the sunrise in us.

But as I went into my apartment I remember that something else had appeared on the deck. I felt myself shrinking in horror. A giant bird, black as ebony, was turning toward me. Its unblinking eyes fixed my gaze, and I felt something inside me surrender. If I would let it, something said, it would teat me apart. Tear me slowly and deliberately to pieces. A shudder passed through me, part fear and part pleasure. Slowly it came down from the rail. Then it bent down toward me and started to rip out my organs one by one.

The heart came first, and as it did I felt a thrill of pleasure. Piece by piece, I would be completely dismembered....the process would go on like a ritual dance, each move done in stately cadence. I had no choice but to let it continue. An eye was removed and I felt an ecstatic shudder. Then the second eye, which was placed high on the pile of glistening parts.

I lay trembling on the bed, released into wide open spaces. The walls of the room might serve as my body, or I might stretch to the edge of the Bay. This freedom had been trying to happen for as long as I could remember.

I knew my body would not be the same. The waves of pleasure passing through it told me that. I got up and looked out the window. The Bay glistened in the moonlight as if too had been stripped to its essence. The whole world, it seemed, had been remade.

Your post reminded me of this quote . . .

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” - Marianne Williamson

We talked about the dangers of reification, how a particular state gets turned into a fixed practice (or world philosophy!). "Life should be more like an acute psychotic episode!"..."never try to have the same experience twice."

Corinne gave me a massage, and the pain in my chest broke into ripples of laughter. For ten minutes I was laughing out of control as I saw that part of my body is always dying. What is there to fear? Life and death are simultaneous. 2,500,000 red cells are being born and consumed every second! We are living flames, burning at the edge of this incredible joy.

“Relax,”…as she said it, something let go and for a moment I felt suspended between panic and trembling pleasure. If I could stay steady, if I could hold back the fear, maybe the pleasure would take me…

Panic was rising again, but I felt a center in it. Without thinking, I stepped to the edge of the rock, waited for trough and dove in.

What a difference from last June. I can face these things without holding them back, even though the old panic is inches away. This simple witnessing, this purusha, is our truest strength. I have to write it here again: last night I faced my dreams without running. They were as vivid as the ocean itself. The ocean is becoming my ally.

Every week, it seems, some new guru or therapy comes to town. The congregation wanders from one tent revival to the next. I think all this interest in “consciousness” is nothing but diversion and band-aids.

All life is “an improvisation,” he said. If the past were as real as I made it out to be, we would be doing a tired old dance…”The future is wide open.”

These twp aspects, like the Western and Eastern symbols of eternity-one linear, the other circular. Part of me senses he relentless beat at the heart of things, the drums of the march, all of us headed toward some mysterious consummation. But there is also the sense that we are going nowhere. Being is so rich. On a day like this, who needs to go anywhere.

Out of one mind. We must live in this forest of symbols with all our wit and senses. Fear reminds us that we have forgotten who the world is.

Amazing we have waited so long for these changes. The old mystics were caught in the hypnosis of their times.

In emptiness there is nothing but surprise.

We need all our wit and senses. In this voyage through, every demon might dress like an angel.