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PostPosted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 4:51 pm 
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I asked the Kidd:

'Ok, so I thought about what you said regarding affirmations, the band aid, etc....
If someone thinks that he does not deserve beautiful women, he can repeat an affirmation like: 'All women want to fuck me' all day long and he still won't get women. Some guys say that affirmations did work for them, but I think that even if they did - it's not dealing with the core issue and the core negative belief will pop up sooner or later in the future......

So now I have two questions:

1. Ok, so let's say that I don't beleive I deserve beautiful women. And I was able to see that I think like that because in high school I was not popular and girls would not notice me.
Then I allow myself to feel whatever I'm feeling so it can be released.
Then what comes next?
How do you make a new belief to replace the old one?

2. How to you access the subconscious mind to see what beleives are holding you back?

Thanks very much for your help ;) '

The Kidd:

'1. This is why you need to practice your observation and analyzation. I have a saying..."I don't think EVERY woman wants to fuck me...I just can tell which ones actually DO." Once you can read well, you won't need stupid affirmations like that because you will be able to notice concrete evidence being displayed right in front of your face.

I too was ridiculed by women in high school, so I can DEFINITELY relate to this on a personal level.

2) I explained that in another post where I talked about sitting in a quiet room and just exploring your brain.'

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PostPosted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 5:00 pm 
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To add, the new belief that will replace the old one is that when you CAN recognize that a woman is giving you the signs of interest, you can gain your confidence from knowing that you are seeing what you are seeing.

It's like taking a test. If I get a question that I am unsure of the answer or just flat out don't know, I'm not gonna be very confident in whatever answer I decide to choose, even if I spent the whole night prior saying to myself, "I'm gonna know every answer to this test backwards and forwards...because I'm AWESOME!". :roll:

However, when I hit a question that I obviously know the answer to, and I can answer it with confidence. When you can notice that a woman is into you on a subtle level, use that to bolster your confidence to follow through because you know that you got it. Simple. 8-)

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PostPosted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 6:09 pm 
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Ok got it. Thank you :)
This is the thread where you talk about how you access the subconscious mind right?

viewtopic.php?f=15&t=272

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PostPosted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 6:16 pm 
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Sniper wrote:
Ok got it. Thank you :)
This is the thread where you talk about how you access the subconscious mind right?

viewtopic.php?f=15&t=272


Yes.

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PostPosted: Wed Jun 09, 2010 11:22 pm 
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Ok, so I thought about what you wrote and it makes pefect sense, but what do you think about the folllowing:

you wrote:

'The PRACTICAL way to stop approval seeking behavior is to dig deep to determine why it is so important to you that others approve of you and/or your behavior in the first place. Maybe you didn't get enough attention as a child? Maybe you always wanted to fit in but didn't? I'll bet there is an underlying issue that needs to be identified, addressed, and then promptly squashed.'

and

'For example, I used to have approval seeking behavior, and can tell when I may be starting to relapse sometimes. This stems from being bullied as a kid, never really fitting in with the "cool kids", and feeling like my mother only gave me negative attention...i.e. if I did something wrong she'd be all over me, but if I did something right, she would wouldn't even acknowledge it, and if I brought it up, she would say something like, "This is what's expected of you, therefore it is no big deal." So, I have since made peace with these past parts of my life and as a result, don't really care what people think about me to a point.'

But you have probably heard about the law of attraction- you will attract things according to your inner beliefs. So does your inner beliefs change automatically once yoy make peace with the past parts of your life that you didn't like?
don't you have to reaffirm your beliefs (like with affirmations) after you got to the root of the issues.

For example: if I look at the story above, after you went to the root cause and made peace with the fact that you were 'approval seeking' because of the way your mom treated you and make peace with it - does that make you stop seeking for approval or do you have to do other things to change the belief- like affirmation such as: I don't need approval by anyone....

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PostPosted: Wed Jun 09, 2010 11:50 pm 
but Kidd - doing the affirmations brings up those negative emotions so you can let go of them..

like this..


You do the affirmation and FEEL the emotion associated with it as vividly as possible.. do it often

after a certain time (often immediately) resistance comes up, and continues to come up (I'm not good enough, etc.)

This resistance is the answer to the questions you say you should ask about approval seeking behavior.. just let it go as it comes up and continue to the affirmation.

So affirmations are not tricking your mind or bandaiding if you do them right, they actually bring up the stuff CONTRARY to them so it can be cleared out and the affirmation can be solidified


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 10, 2010 1:57 am 
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Quote:
So does your inner beliefs change automatically once you make peace with the past parts of your life that you didn't like?
don't you have to reaffirm your beliefs (like with affirmations) after you got to the root of the issues.


They don't change, per se...they kind of just evolve into who you become. Nothing happens automatically...it takes hard work, time and patience.

djl, I don't do affirmations...I just put myself on a path of self improvement that eventually leads to the point where others are seeking MY approval. That's how I roll. 8-)

Closest thing I do to an affirmation I guess is when I am about to bed a fine woman...I don't tell myself, "Oh, I sure can't wait to fuck this fine specimen of a woman!"...I tell myself, "I am about to fuck this chick SILLY." :twisted:

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 10, 2010 2:13 am 
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The Kidd!! wrote:
They don't change, per se...they kind of just evolve into who you become. Nothing happens automatically...it takes hard work, time and patience.


I'm sorry I don't get it. If they don't change then if you had 'approval seeking' problem, then you will still have it in the future in all your interactions with women. How is that going to help you become better?

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 10, 2010 3:43 am 
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Sniper wrote:
The Kidd!! wrote:
They don't change, per se...they kind of just evolve into who you become. Nothing happens automatically...it takes hard work, time and patience.


I'm sorry I don't get it. If they don't change then if you had 'approval seeking' problem, then you will still have it in the future in all your interactions with women. How is that going to help you become better?


Because I'm not changing them...I'm just making peace with them and putting them to bed. Once you accept your flaws, you can live with them. Like I said, I use observation and circumvention to circumvent them. If I see a woman whose approval I might would like, if I can see they are checking me out, then I can think, "Well, looks like she likes what she sees.", and it's satiated. If not, then I think, "Okay, I'm just not her type.", and I move on. It's still there...I've just found a more constructive way to feed it.

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 10, 2010 10:57 am 
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The Kidd!! wrote:
Because I'm not changing them...I'm just making peace with them and putting them to bed. Once you accept your flaws, you can live with them. Like I said, I use observation and circumvention to circumvent them. If I see a woman whose approval I might would like, if I can see they are checking me out, then I can think, "Well, looks like she likes what she sees.", and it's satiated. If not, then I think, "Okay, I'm just not her type.", and I move on. It's still there...I've just found a more constructive way to feed it.


OK I see your point and I agree and relate to what you are saying.
I just think (and I could be wrong) that for some guys that never had any success with women at all or that are just strating out - maybe affirmations could help to boost their self esteem (combined with the other stuff you said like observation and making the best you that you can be in other areas of life).

A lot of Corry Sky's students that were suffering from low self esteem at the begginng reported that affirmations really helped them to boost their self esteem and then they got crazy results with women, So maybe affirmations do work, but like I said, affirmations should be used as a complementary to healing your core issues and the other stuff you have mentioned and not as a band aid to cover things up....

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 10, 2010 2:30 pm 
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Sniper wrote:
The Kidd!! wrote:
Because I'm not changing them...I'm just making peace with them and putting them to bed. Once you accept your flaws, you can live with them. Like I said, I use observation and circumvention to circumvent them. If I see a woman whose approval I might would like, if I can see they are checking me out, then I can think, "Well, looks like she likes what she sees.", and it's satiated. If not, then I think, "Okay, I'm just not her type.", and I move on. It's still there...I've just found a more constructive way to feed it.


OK I see your point and I agree and relate to what you are saying.
I just think (and I could be wrong) that for some guys that never had any success with women at all or that are just strating out - maybe affirmations could help to boost their self esteem (combined with the other stuff you said like observation and making the best you that you can be in other areas of life).

A lot of Corry Sky's students that were suffering from low self esteem at the begginng reported that affirmations really helped them to boost their self esteem and then they got crazy results with women, So maybe affirmations do work, but like I said, affirmations should be used as a complementary to healing your core issues and the other stuff you have mentioned and not as a band aid to cover things up....


To me, affirmations are just a constant CONFIRMATION of your problem. The fact that you have to keep telling yourself something over and over is just a constant reminder of said issue. Therefore, to me, affirmations can never really be that effective. It's like driving on a flat tire and saying over and over, "My tire's not flat! My tire's not flat! My tire's not flat!"

Guess what? IT IS! :roll:

The more constructive approach would be to say one time, "I have a flat tire, and the first chance I have to pull over and address it, I WILL." 8-)

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 10, 2010 2:42 pm 
but once you do the affirmations enough, they become your normal thoughts, which makes them become your beliefs.


They're real if you believe them to be. What you think becomes your beliefs. so if you can change what you think (with emotion and feel it to be true) and do it enough, it becomes automatic which then makes it a belief.

I don't say that you need to use affirmations, obviously you have found your own path. But for me they have worked wonders. Just because you haven't used them you say they are simply "band aids" and not hte real deal? Our very own Ryan on this forum had miraculous success from affirmations.


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 10, 2010 3:11 pm 
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djl wrote:
but once you do the affirmations enough, they become your normal thoughts, which makes them become your beliefs.


They're real if you believe them to be. What you think becomes your beliefs. so if you can change what you think (with emotion and feel it to be true) and do it enough, it becomes automatic which then makes it a belief.

I don't say that you need to use affirmations, obviously you have found your own path. But for me they have worked wonders. Just because you haven't used them you say they are simply "band aids" and not hte real deal? Our very own Ryan on this forum had miraculous success from affirmations.


...I see that it is time to agree to disagree on this matter. :|

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 10, 2010 7:22 pm 
Ha, I dig man.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 11, 2010 4:02 am 
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Man what a wonderful thread. I couldn't help but enjoy what I was reading admist the different yet respectful viewpoints. Me personally I don't do affirmations, or afformations at all! I say this for two reasons. Firstly, they are very egoic. Whether one realizes it at the time or not they are and can be feeding an ego in many ways to serve that person. I'm telling you right now, if you do affirmations for your benefit solely it will only lead to heartbreak later on when things come along that possibly shatter what it was that you were setting yourself to abide by. Secondly, if someone who is confident, cocky, loveable, whatever an affirmation is for, truly feels that way, there is NO NEED AT ALL to recite them because of the MINDSET one now has!!

Shay, you mentioned that affirmations at the start could be helpful for those that are/have been suffering from low self-seteem problems right? Well those affirmations could and many times help those people build high self-esteem. The problem comes in the fact that if that person didn't have a mindset of low self-esteem in the first place, affirmations would not be needed. So what I am saying is that you can tell a fat person that they are beautiful all you want, the thing is they listened to the negative comments for example(which is why they felt bad about themselves in the first place), so what's to say that they can't fall back into a pattern of negative thinking even when their self-esteem is back high again? See what I mean?? It's nothing more than egoic satisfaction in that moment. The core issue still isin't handled, because once it is then affirmations WON'T be necessary, even in trying times and situations, where the foundation of a persons morals, values, and integrity is strongly tested!! How strong is one's mindset when the times are very tough??

Once again I bring up, whats the motivation behind the thoughts that one has? Whats the motivation behind the action of affirmations? I'm not saying that they don't serve a purpose, all I wish to convey is that true confidence in what one believes requires no reinforcement at all. It reminds me of when I hear women say "ohh I don't need a man because i'm independent and I can take care of my own", with a sense of bitterness in their voice. It screams "yes I wan't a man but i've been hurt too many times to open my heart up again to trust one." Nevertheless if that woman really didn't want/need a man, her contentness within herself would not even need any speakable mention of that!!

People need reinforcement sometimes of how valuable their life really is, even I don't realize how valuable my life is sometimes with all the people I affect, but the fact remains you cannot move foward until you make peace within yourself, and of course as a by product accepting yourself as you are with your strengths, weaknesses, abilities, and faults.


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