I completed this challenge last year. I was inspired by this thread.
http://www.naturalfreedom.info/viewtopi ... 7243#p7243
Disclaimer: If I was getting laid like a rockstar last year, I probably would not have tried this!
90 Days of Allowing: Thoughts/Results/Discoveries
Objective: To go 90 consecutive days without sex or masturbation
Status: COMPLETED
The first question is: Why? What do I expect to gain? What is the purpose?
Some quick background information: I spent my 20’s (I’m 30 now) stuck in a rut with women, giving them too much power, spending too much time intellectually trying to figure out ways to get them to come to me, going out to bars to pick them up (but being too in my head to consistently start conversations and mostly just spent time drinking and talking to friends), thinking about them so much I downplayed/procrastinated to work on myself (no advanced degree, average work effort, overspending my means on trips/bar nights to get this figured out – which lead to some sizeable credit card debts!) using all self help techniques in a vain attempt to improve my opportunities with women.
In a few words, this topic has consumed most of my teen/adult life, even down to decisions on if I should move to a city because it has a particular vibrant life with little regard to whether or not I would actually want to live there.
In the past, getting this area of my life handled meant to get a ton of dates, lots of hot girlfriends, etc. Now, the definition of being handled has changed and has little to do with outside results. It’s more of a path of self-discovery, learning to work the with energy, and being able to walk away from the bargaining table if I don’t like the terms, and more importantly having more time to discover what I really want to do in this life.
My hope for the challenge was to prove to myself that I could go without. That in my body (and not intellectually) that I knew I did not need women to survive. Yes, it would be a challenge and at times maybe lonely, but I had to do this for myself.
So what if I failed? So what if once I was completed nothing had changed? This was a risk I was willing to take, maybe nothing will happen other than the satisfaction to at least say that I was disciplined and committed for 90 days.
I chose 90 days for 2 reasons: 1) it was easy to remember, 2) it was easy to extrapolate (well, if I did 90 days, I would have more confidence to go 6 months, if necessary). Could I have gone longer? Sure, but I don’t want to be a celibate monk or use the experiment as an excuse to not engage women in real life. I could always do the non-releasing challenge again if the desire to do this challenge arose. True mastery is not only witnessing (which this experience has been), but also being in the moment and knowing that you can get sex and deciding for yourself independent of your desire if this particular situation is worth taking further.
To sum up in one sentence what this challenge has done for me: I’m no longer operating on auto-pilot with my sexual desires.
In the past, I always had a desire and a compulsion for action. Compulsion for action = neediness. Neediness = Repulsion of women. I understand now that the desire will always be there (I always thought indifference meant no desire), but the compulsion for immediate action is not there because I am no longer needy in that I know inside my body that I can go without sex. Not that you never take action, but you don’t FORCE action, when the opportunity arises you take action.
A virgin can be more indifferent than a master player. Indifference has nothing to do with results, but with attachment to results. A redundant thought for sure, but interesting to see now.
Taking this challenge has made me realize even though some manipulation by women is unavoidable, I can honestly say that of course, I still have desires for them, but I don’t generally get that feeling in the solar plexus when I see them that I have to do something to get them to like me like I used to when it was automatic. I’ve already experience the worst as far as deprivation to sex & releasing.
There is also an ebb and flow with the energy. Some times I would feel a heavy feeling down there and want to release just to release the energy, but I allowed the feeling as best as I could.
How often do men have sex just to get their rocks off and release the energy? How often is it out of genuine like and appreciation for a woman?
I’m also finding that sex is much more emotional. I see some very beautiful chicks but I feel nothing when I see her and then I run into a decent looking girl but there is something about her that is like wow.
Another realization is that stop looking for women to make you happy. Look for them to provide what they can provide and appreciate them for this. This was another key to stop looking in the wrong places for things that cannot provide what I think they can.
60-90 days observations…
The desire for sex is more emotional than physical….
Allowing was the biggest key that has allowed me to go through the challenge….
Also, there were moments when I broke down and allowed the feelings of despair, powerlessness, and vulnerability that lasted from a few hours to a day. Once the dust settled from these breakdowns, each time I felt stronger, more powerful, and more at peace.
As I allowed the feelings of attraction to certain women, I noticed I was ok with it being vulnerable and powerless. So I find my feelings of attraction to women have been more intense and yet I feel more indifferent….(huh?)
I’m starting to view women differently. Before I would be so into a chick’s body I wouldn’t even consider if she was a good match for me. The challenge has down-graded sex enough to the point that my big head is starting to have more of say in what actions I take.
The less I used this challenge as technique of to achieve total indifference towards women (the thoughts arose from time to time), the more indifferent I felt.
I notice the girls that I like the most (not necessarily always the best looking) seem to give me the most non-verbal signs. I don’t know if it’s a genetic/subconscious thing, but it has been interesting.
Subtly noticing when I’m taking action (talking to women) because I’m feeling needy & when it is truly out of a good place. The neediness comes from the approval, the desire to have the motherly love from a woman, which she cannot provide.
“In those moments you are tempted to do things you are not suppose to do and you don’t do them are the moments that build the most character and you gain the most power and you go to the next level faster.” – Brent Smith
On day 75, I was at work and an intense feeling came over me. I allowed it and a thought came over me that maybe this challenge was too big for me and that I was better off releasing to quell the energy. I allowed this intense feeling for what seemed like an hour but was no more than 5 minutes (and obviously I couldn’t release because I was at work), but as I was allowing the feeling dissolved after a few minutes and I felt stronger.
Towards, the end of the challenge, I started to hang out with a group of people I know. There is a girl in the group and her and I hit it off immediately and there is an obvious attraction between the two of us. It has been extremely difficult for me to allow the feelings to be there & take NO action at the same time, because I want to finish the challenge first before I do anything. But there is a part of me saying, “Hey moron, go get her!” Ironically, I think this non-action will propel her closer to me faster anyway.
The nervous system gets triggered big time when things are within reach. I’m sure if I saw a supermodel or some hot chick that I knew wasn’t into me, the nervous system would not feel that desire to do something. But this feeling to make something happen, is different from the feeling in gut I used to have when I was an auto-pilot.
When you find yourself attached to a particular outcome with a girl, instead of just blindly forcing action, I found it is better to allow the feeling of neediness and once the feeling subsides you’ll be at peace and feel better about the situation even if nothing happens.