I said that to her because many of the conversations were taking place via instant message (online). I was trying to get a read, so to speak. I had only managed to arrange one face-to-face. Her phone was dropping calls repeatedly and that was frustrating ... always being cut off by a dropped call. Still was obviously a bad idea.
It doesn't matter why you
believe you did it, just don't keep justifying it to yourself.
OK, lets take a look at that. Current frame = desire to be with the person, and have that desire reciprocated. Opposite frame = no desire to be with the person, no desire or need for reciprocation.
Problem is, the desire is what is there for me. I can act otherwise, but its a lie, its not what is real. I can't be the first person to have run into this issue. So if I act like I don't care (when I do) that would be a technique. The technique of acting desireless. If I wanted to be with her, but were not attached to it, no crazy, unexplained emotions present, etc. I could come from that place and just let any disappointment come up and eventually run its course, without problem. this case was different.
Am I missing something major here?
Yes you are.
Yudansha, even if someone could provide for you the greatest, most perfect advice pertaining to your situation, you wouldn't understand it because you are not ready to see it. When I told you to reframe, it had nothing to do with lying to yourself, but everything to do with telling yourself the truth. I told you to reframe so you can see your situation for what it is. What if I told you;
That she is not who you think she is.
That your desire for her is imbalanced.
That the only reason you have an imbalanced desire for her is because you perceive something within her that you believe you lack.
That she has no value to you which you cannot find within yourself already.
If you reframed your mindset, your desire for her may or may not remain, but you wouldn't be in pain about it. In time you'll see all this for what it really is, but not yet.