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PostPosted: Fri Aug 14, 2015 1:28 am 
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Recently I was seeing a girl. Not much. She does n´t live in here and is currently passing her holidays. I know her for many years and we always liked each other. Since she lives like 2000 miles away we rarely see each other and message once or maybe twice a year, but every time she comes around she gets in touch with me really quickly and we end up hanging out always on the same day.

This time is no different: She phones me up, I invite her to pass by my place we have a little convo about how life is going on and I invite her to go out in the evening to a bar. After few drinks (she payed for most of it) we end up in my place and we go to sleep, since was tired and she was talking a little too much but I tell her not to be disappointed, I get horny in the morning. We end up having some morning fun but I was n´t feeling she was that much into it. She has told me in a bar before that she feels a bit blocked at the moment and that she did n´t have sex in a while. Either way I felt like I was not that much into her as well possibly cause I am still dealing with emotions after breaking up with my very long term ex.

Speaking of which:
After this break up I thought to myself that I would like to have some friends with benefits, instead of looking for someone to have another relationship with. I am at the moment in the process of learning to be happy by myself. I did n´t have this opportunity in almost 2 decades so it is definitely outside my comfort zone. I feel like it is important to add it here since being a partner is a different set of behavior than being a sexy friend, and want to point out how seeing that can help me in getting a right mindset to reach what I want in this area of my life.

So back to that hookup story: Since I felt not so into it I stayed quiet for the whole week and did not send any texts to her. But one day I woke up and I had a feeling like I did n´t let myself appreciate that girl last time. I still was not sure if I want to meet her again. I was going to festival in the evening with some of my buddies and did n´t know how I will feel the next day. But the next day I had some time and I felt pretty good so I send her a message telling her I am going to the beach (right now) and that she is welcome to join me. She could n´t join since she already had some plans with her girlfriends but swore that she wants to meet real soon. I sent her another short message saying that she should just text me next time she wants to meet. That was basically 2 short message conversation.

Two days pass and she texts me that she is bored and thinks of cutting her holidays short but would like to meet before. It was 9 PM and I told her that I finish in an hour and can pick her up on the way home where we can go to spend some time together. She agrees. In the end I thought that going out to a bar first for a few drinks could be nice, so that is what we do. Again, she pays the drinks.

I for sure enjoyed myself this time around better. We are sitting there and she starts telling me that she meet with some guy from here that she felt there was something going on soon as she saw him. She is very attractive (great body, pretty face) and always has a lot of guys circling around her as soon as she shows up in the area. I felt some discomfort when I heard that but I did ´t let it phase me a bit and I let her speak without interrupting. In the end she came into conclusion all by herself that it is not gonna work between them for whatever reason. She finishes by saying that she has been jerking off in the morning and was thinking of that guy... and could n´t come and that as soon as she brought me to her mind she came straight away. Than she she says "But that is not why I called you" , "Of course not" - I said in a joking manner as if of course why she did it. Shortly after we go to my place, we go sleep and we do some nice morning ass smashing.

On the beginning I was coming as soon as I put my cock in her and I thought to myself: This is not like me, and that I should man up and take control of this, something switched in me and instantly I was able to beat it right.
Today I was reading Kidd´s In the name of science thread: http://www.naturalfreedom.info/viewtopi ... 8886#p8886 and it made so much sense to me after this experience.

Later we went to a cafe for breakfast (where she pays again although I did want to share expenses) and I dropped her home with a plan to meet a little later to go to the beach. I cancelled an hour later cause I was a bit too tight on schedule to go there and sent her a message:
"Not enough time for the beach. Let´s go tomorrow. I will pick you up around 12 if you are Ok with it." As I was sending it I felt my gut as if something was wrong nonetheless I still sent it and got no reply. I felt I wanted to get a reply from her and this is when I noticed that my mindset shifted compared to my old ways. I did nothing more to get that reply.

I went to work and basically forgot her. I woke up today to a message from her that she is again to do some stuff with her sister (and those plans are where the other guy she was interested in. Her sister massages on the beach and he manages the beach beds) and that I am welcome to come along but if not than we can meet Friday, Saturday, Sunday for me to choose. I choose Saturday instead of joining for few reasons:
1: S P A C E
2: I did n´t want to put myself in a place of competition.
3: It was right in front of my working place, it´s my day off and I just did n´t want to spend my time there

I also told her she is the one to text me after she gets up that day and we are going to decide what time we are meeting.

Again, in my old mindset this would have gotten to me and I would´ve went there. I felt a slight sensation of disappointment about how it turned out but I squashed it right away before it even had a chance to grow and I enjoyed my day just the same as if she joined me if not more. I truly appreciated this time as I had the chance to notice my growth. This is closely connected to a 3rd paragraph of this post.
It reinforced in me that I don´t want my ex back which I was missing a lot after the break up (turns out mainly out of fear of being alone), and that I don´t want a relationship in general at the moment. Friends with benefits situation would be really nice for me to balance things out between being by myself and meeting women and this interaction helps me to get in the right mindset to let it happen.

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PostPosted: Fri Aug 14, 2015 9:14 am 
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Self observation :)

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 14, 2015 12:42 pm 
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Really cool man. Especially liked the parts about letting feelings come up and observing them as they are.

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PostPosted: Fri Aug 14, 2015 7:43 pm 
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It seems that you’re in the midst of a metamorphosis; that’s what’s up. Hopefully, you continue along the trail. 8-)

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Smart people learn from their mistakes. Smarter people learn from others' mistakes. Stupid people don't learn from anyone's mistakes including their own.

You get what you deserve.


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 16, 2015 12:06 am 
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I am definitely focusing on doing things different then I know. I am experimenting with approaching what I think I know how to do in a different way and letting the possibility that maybe I don´t know. 8-)

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To thine self always be true


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