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Sudden Change of Interest
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Author:  royalon06 [ Tue May 01, 2012 10:02 am ]
Post subject:  Sudden Change of Interest
Please note that i write this story because I'm honestly perplexed by how their interest in me suddenly changes.

Now roughly two weeks ago, there were two girls who i thought were attracted to me. When i went to the club, they bought me free food, free drinks, and were trying to dance with me almost everywhere. One of them, i already knew, and she never showed interest like that (or at least, i never saw the signs or didnt have the right vibe until i came to this forum). The other i just met that time, and, besides the required introduction, i completely ignored her. She ended up buying only me free food :D. The first girl let me have free drinks.

Now, around 8 days ago, I was invited to go to one of the girl's houses. There would only be those two girls and their childhood friend (guy). Since i had to go to a party later and the house was close, I decided to just chill at the house for an hour or two. However, i wanted to see how much they wanted me there. They almost ended up begging me. So i go to their house, but get lost like 3/4 there, so one of the girls voluntarily comes out in the rain without an umbrella trying to find me. They find me and i get to their house. However, we only talk and smoke (them at least) for two hour and have a small dinner of KFC. Eventually i leave and go to the party (which is unimportant).

Fast-forward to the previous weekend 3 days ago, the free drink girl is organizing a party at a club (She tells me beforehand that i only have to pay half of what everyone else pays). She wants me to come early, but i was busy, so i ended up coming an hour later than she wanted to. Its still really early, with only her and her childhood friend. Eventually, her friend leaves to pick up the other girl. When her friend left, she wants me to sit next to her and i did (which may have been a mistake, but she was the organizer....). We just talk for a couple minutes with her almost leaning on my shoulder while facing my side. We eventually stop talking, though she's in the same position, while i try to get some of my friends to come over (texting). Now this is where the change in interest starts.

While i was texting, the other girl, with some other people, arrives. However, she doesn't even greet me or wait for me to finish texting and just sits down away from me. I only notice her after this happened, and i decide not to pay any attention to her. The party slowly starts and the other girl slowly starts to talk to me. THEN this person i know but not close too arrives all drunk and just starts flirting HARD with the two girls (which were the only girls there). The first girl knows him and she flirts back, while the other girl doesn't know him and is physically trying to push him away, while saying to me that she likes him. I do nothing and just casually drink while watching them (I didn't feel the least threatened). This is where things gets all messed up. The girls decides to dance, and they grab me, the drunk guy, and the childhood friend. The first girl and drunk guy starts dancing. I didn't do anything as the other girl starts dancing in front of me, hips swaying and all that, so i go to her. HOWEVER, she pushes me away silently. I can't see her face since she's not facing me. At this point, i assume that she lost interest in me.

Now, whenever we go back to the dance floor until i left, the first girl just ignores me (she never dances with the drunk guy again tho, since he passed out; she only dances with her childhood friend and the other girl), while the other girl doesn't dance with anyone but the first girl, and whenever she does, she always stares at me and smiles, but I don't go for her again (yes, i lost confidence for the rest of the party). Since i had to go somewhere in the morning, i left 1-2 hours before everyone else.

What the hell happened?? They were changing signs all the time. My loss of confidence may have changed my vibe, but it only happened during the middle of the party. There was no indication that the other girl lost interest in me before that day. Was it simply because i gave too much space/was too passive? (We never texted each other during the weekdays; writing this article is pretty much the most I've ever thought about them) And why did the first girl suddenly lose interest in me? They're around 18-20 years old; I'm also around that age.
Author:  The Kidd!! [ Tue May 01, 2012 5:52 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Sudden Change of Interest
Put simply...their changes are a response to YOUR changes. :ugeek:
Author:  peregrinus [ Tue May 01, 2012 7:51 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Sudden Change of Interest
Mirror
Author:  royalon06 [ Thu May 03, 2012 10:59 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Sudden Change of Interest
The Kidd!! wrote:
Put simply...their changes are a response to YOUR changes. :ugeek:
That simple huh? Correct me if i'm wrong. The first girl was attracted to me at first because I showed enough interest for her to act on. However, when i lost confidence, i changed my vibe, so she lost interest in me. The other girl didn't lose interest; rather, she didn't show any interest, because i didn't?
Author:  Merrick [ Thu May 03, 2012 12:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Sudden Change of Interest
Maybe she just was simply not interested in you ;)
Author:  royalon06 [ Thu May 03, 2012 4:31 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Sudden Change of Interest
Merrick wrote:
Maybe she just was simply not interested in you ;)
Previous interactions with her indicates otherwise. However, to be honest, my subtle observation skills still isn't that good so there's a good chance your right :lol:. But on the assumption that she likes me, does my theory hold correct? Just want the answer for future references.
Author:  Star_Above [ Fri May 04, 2012 6:09 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Sudden Change of Interest
A couple of points...

Yes, they were into you.

Giving TOO much space could be an issue, always remember that if you slam all the doors shut, a healthy self-esteem person will be like "Ok, I have self-respect and am moving on" (But these are girls we're talking about here and most of them have really low self-esteem so at the very least they will first be like "Why don't you like me?"), so always leave a bit of a window open.

The girl that said she liked the drunk guy was testing you, in that situation you have to create space, "You like him? That's cool, there's actually a girl over there I wanted to go talk to so go talk to him, make sure you have your A game though" then stick your tongue out at her or something... The A game thing is banter. That's creating HUGE space because you're saying you don't care if she likes him and that you like someone else, then teasing her is obviously putting you above her. Triple threat!

I wasn't there so it's really hard to tell what went wrong if anything, do you think you came off too needy at some point? If you think you were laid back and acted like you were the prize and didn't mess up then maybe they have the issues, maybe they're crazy as fuck, who knows...

Kidd and 'Grinus are right of course, your changes would create their changes, but again, not being there to see gives me no fucking idea what it was...
Author:  Scarf [ Fri May 04, 2012 8:21 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Sudden Change of Interest
royalon06 wrote:
The Kidd!! wrote:
Put simply...their changes are a response to YOUR changes. :ugeek:
That simple huh?

Actually it's the simplicity of it that makes it so complex.


Instead of looking at your interactions as an accumulative experience, try to think of them as moment to moment interactions. You will then see the immediate changes to your response.
Author:  royalon06 [ Sat May 05, 2012 11:20 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Sudden Change of Interest
Star_Above wrote:
A couple of points...

Yes, they were into you.

Giving TOO much space could be an issue, always remember that if you slam all the doors shut, a healthy self-esteem person will be like "Ok, I have self-respect and am moving on" (But these are girls we're talking about here and most of them have really low self-esteem so at the very least they will first be like "Why don't you like me?"), so always leave a bit of a window open.

The girl that said she liked the drunk guy was testing you, in that situation you have to create space, "You like him? That's cool, there's actually a girl over there I wanted to go talk to so go talk to him, make sure you have your A game though" then stick your tongue out at her or something... The A game thing is banter. That's creating HUGE space because you're saying you don't care if she likes him and that you like someone else, then teasing her is obviously putting you above her. Triple threat!
This is something I currently am working on. Before, i used to give too little space, and now i give too much :lol:. That tactic you said is genius tho. However, it slightly contradicts what you said at the start. I'm assuming you only say something like that when you already showed a bit of interest, to mess with their minds.
Star_Above wrote:
I wasn't there so it's really hard to tell what went wrong if anything, do you think you came off too needy at some point? If you think you were laid back and acted like you were the prize and didn't mess up then maybe they have the issues, maybe they're crazy as fuck, who knows...

Kidd and 'Grinus are right of course, your changes would create their changes, but again, not being there to see gives me no fucking idea what it was...
I'm not entirely sure myself. However, looking back, i realized that while i was drunk the girls always decided things, like going to the dance floor or buying drinks. Does that come off as being weak?
Scarf wrote:
royalon06 wrote:
The Kidd!! wrote:
Put simply...their changes are a response to YOUR changes. :ugeek:
That simple huh?

Actually it's the simplicity of it that makes it so complex.


Instead of looking at your interactions as an accumulative experience, try to think of them as moment to moment interactions. You will then see the immediate changes to your response.
In other words, what applies last time may not apply now, so you must continually observe and treat them relatively the same way? I say relatively since you obvious can't treat someone you already met as a complete stranger.
Author:  Star_Above [ Sun May 06, 2012 1:42 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Sudden Change of Interest
Quote:
However, it slightly contradicts what you said at the start.
No no, that fact that you're even there with her is leaving the window open. While you're with her you can now create space.

There's a girl I know that is a very attractive go go dancer, she literally has guys she doesn't even know telling her they love her and shit like that on a daily basis. On facebook, she gets that shit written on her wall everyday "You're so beautiful", "You look like an angel", any time she posts a pic immediately there's swarms of guys that will say "I'm envious of the lucky guy that gets to be with you", etc...

Now she NEVER responds to any of them, so after a while they stop doing that because they figure there's no chance and they're wasting there time, (She closed all the doors and windows), but if just once she said to a guy that said that shit before he gave up "Thanks babe!", and that's it, just something small like that or even just hit the "like function", motherfucker would see the light permeating out from that window and be up her ass for the next 3 months and she can now not say a godamn thing again, but the cycle will star again, eventually she'd have to throw another nibble to keep the window slightly open. If you do create too much space then the attraction will always be there on her part, but she'll eventually just move onto someone else, but she'll still think of you.

So you just being there with that girl is doing that, the off time looking at her and smiling then going back to what you were doing, etc... If you stay away from her and never answer her calls after a while it's too much space and she'll give up, so just think 80% space 20% throw her a nibble.

Quote:
i realized that while i was drunk the girls always decided things, like going to the dance floor or buying drinks. Does that come off as being weak?
Ya, you don't want to do that, you don't want to follow them around like a puppy dog all night. You should have stayed in your seat and said "I'll be here when you come back with the drinks", or if they were going to the dance floor you go get some air or talk to other people. If you's are sitting there just get up and leave and go to the dance floor and they'll be like what the fuck lol

The problem is you were too easy. So just work on that 8-)
Author:  royalon06 [ Sun May 06, 2012 12:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Sudden Change of Interest
Star_Above wrote:
Quote:
However, it slightly contradicts what you said at the start.
No no, that fact that you're even there with her is leaving the window open. While you're with her you can now create space.

There's a girl I know that is a very attractive go go dancer, she literally has guys she doesn't even know telling her they love her and shit like that on a daily basis. On facebook, she gets that shit written on her wall everyday "You're so beautiful", "You look like an angel", any time she posts a pic immediately there's swarms of guys that will say "I'm envious of the lucky guy that gets to be with you", etc...

Now she NEVER responds to any of them, so after a while they stop doing that because they figure there's no chance and they're wasting there time, (She closed all the doors and windows), but if just once she said to a guy that said that shit before he gave up "Thanks babe!", and that's it, just something small like that or even just hit the "like function", motherfucker would see the light permeating out from that window and be up her ass for the next 3 months and she can now not say a godamn thing again, but the cycle will star again, eventually she'd have to throw another nibble to keep the window slightly open. If you do create too much space then the attraction will always be there on her part, but she'll eventually just move onto someone else, but she'll still think of you.

So you just being there with that girl is doing that, the off time looking at her and smiling then going back to what you were doing, etc... If you stay away from her and never answer her calls after a while it's too much space and she'll give up, so just think 80% space 20% throw her a nibble.

Quote:
i realized that while i was drunk the girls always decided things, like going to the dance floor or buying drinks. Does that come off as being weak?
Ya, you don't want to do that, you don't want to follow them around like a puppy dog all night. You should have stayed in your seat and said "I'll be here when you come back with the drinks", or if they were going to the dance floor you go get some air or talk to other people. If you's are sitting there just get up and leave and go to the dance floor and they'll be like what the fuck lol

The problem is you were too easy. So just work on that 8-)
Seems I still have a lot to work on. Thanks for the advice btw :D
Author:  Altair [ Fri Aug 10, 2012 12:02 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Sudden Change of Interest
Scarf wrote:
royalon06 wrote:
The Kidd!! wrote:
Put simply...their changes are a response to YOUR changes. :ugeek:
That simple huh?

Actually it's the simplicity of it that makes it so complex.


Instead of looking at your interactions as an accumulative experience, try to think of them as moment to moment interactions. You will then see the immediate changes to your response.
This is also a way to destroy a limiting belief if your mindset failed in the past it doesn't matter. The only time the past can have a negative effect is if you let it
Author:  royalon06 [ Sun Aug 12, 2012 6:46 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Sudden Change of Interest
Morpheus wrote:
This is also a way to destroy a limiting belief if your mindset failed in the past it doesn't matter. The only time the past can have a negative effect is if you let it
Geez Morpheus, this was so long ago :lol: . Actually thanks for posting. I'd almost forgot about this event and rereading this post made me remember what happened. I realized that i didn't notice/write a lot of stuff that was important, but i considered insignificant at the time :? . I also put emphasize on unimportant things. I can see much more clearly why it happened as it did. The advice people gave me also resonates a lot more with me now.
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