Natural Freedom :: How to talk to strangers ^^

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How to talk to strangers ^^ http://www.naturalfreedom.info/viewtopic.php?f=18&t=1295	Page 1 of 2

Author:	GoldenBoy [ Mon Jul 11, 2011 6:36 pm ]
Post subject:	How to talk to strangers ^^
May this title get you interrested in my story : Here it starts : after I listened to Cory Skyy, Installing Inner game and other stuff, I began to see more of the world (I hope so) so I began noticing some girls / women looking to me ... smiling ... and when I read the Pimposophy (Friday) it hit me : this girl (friday morning) asked me to sit next to me in the bus, smiling (I don't engage people in conversations so for the 10 minutes of the ride, we neither said a single word, common in buses (I hope). But today, she came again to ask to sit next to me (with some makeup, good choice of clothes - Pimped up (I hope my english isn't that bad) -> She looked beautiful to me (that's more understandable). Again, she was kind of checking me out, like she wanted me to make a move (I hope my observation and analyse is good ) but not a single word can come out (oh these limiting beliefs ...) of my mouth but my gut (i swallowed my saliva like ten or twenty times -> sign that I wanted to say something but wouldn't, NO ?) want to. So my question is : if she come back again tomorrow morning, should I talk to her ? If yes : -Should i just say hello, and wait for cherry picking to continue the interaction ? - Ask if she feels attraction for me as I do for her ? - Ask her to pay me a cup of hot chocolate (pua style ) (I don't like coffee ) when she's done with what she does (summer school, summer job or whatever I don't even know) Any thoughts ?

Author:	The Kidd!! [ Mon Jul 11, 2011 6:41 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: How to talk to strangers ^^
Just say hello, ask how she's doing and where she's going...then cherry pick from there. No need to ask about her attraction...too soon and too obvious. Keep your ego out of this. As she approaches her stop, offer her your phone number...do not exchange if you can help it. She will call...and if you see her again before she does, don't bring it up. Just speak if/when she speaks to you like NOTHING EVER HAPPENED...sooner or later, she WILL call...and when she does, her mind will already be laying in your bed. Good luck!

Author:

GoldenBoy [ Mon Jul 11, 2011 6:59 pm ]

Post subject:

Re: How to talk to strangers ^^

The Kidd!! wrote:

Just say hello, ask how she's doing and where she's going...then cherry pick from there.

No need to ask about her attraction...too soon and too obvious. Keep your ego out of this.

As she approaches her stop, offer her your phone number...do not exchange if you can help it. She will call...and if you see her again before she does, don't bring it up. Just speak if/when she speaks to you like NOTHING EVER HAPPENED...sooner or later, she WILL call...and when she does, her mind will already be laying in your bed.

Good luck!

I don't have a cell phone (bad for the brain (I know I'm helpless

that's why you'll love me

))

New question, I don't know if I can sound congruent to the fact that I don't talk to strangers because I feel that there's nothing to "take away" from them (in other words, I don't even know if I want to talk to her because it would not sound like me (why did I bring it up then ?

).
Approach Anxiety ? (I want to talk to her but I don't know if what she's gonna say will interrest me and I'm radical honnest so I won't pretend to be interrested in what she says if I'm not) Again, I suppose I will only answer this by speaking to her ...

Thanks for getting me thinking

Author:	The Kidd!! [ Mon Jul 11, 2011 7:02 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: How to talk to strangers ^^
The only way strangers can become non-strangers is via communication.

Author:

GoldenBoy [ Mon Jul 11, 2011 7:06 pm ]

Post subject:

Re: How to talk to strangers ^^

The Kidd!! wrote:

The only way strangers can become non-strangers is via communication.

even with my close friends I don't speak a lot, I'm not into small talk and they're not into ideas talk (I haven't cleared my head so there's so much i want to say I end up saying nothing afraid of not saying what I really meant ...)

The Kidd!! wrote:

Just say hello, ask how she's doing and where she's going...then cherry pick from there.

If she asks me why would I talk to her, do you think the "I find you interresting" is good ?
What if she says "why do you talk to me NOW ?" ("Oh, I was just checking if you were into me, but now that's the third time you sit next to me I know

" )

Author:	The Kidd!! [ Mon Jul 11, 2011 7:08 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: How to talk to strangers ^^
Sounds like you have some inner work yet to do then...I can't help you until you have helped yourself first. Do what needs to be done.

Author:

GoldenBoy [ Mon Jul 11, 2011 7:13 pm ]

Post subject:

Re: How to talk to strangers ^^

The Kidd!! wrote:

Sounds like you have some inner work yet to do then...I can't help you until you have helped yourself first. Do what needs to be done.

I think it's near the end now but I really wanted to share my journey to clear my head (not to mention that writing my thoughts help me to make me describe them)

But as you said, I'm gonna do some mental masturbation (as puahate call inner game - Boy i still have a lot to remove from my head ...)

Author:	peregrinus [ Mon Jul 11, 2011 7:35 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: How to talk to strangers ^^
Just say "hello" she will give you all you need from there if she is interested. Simples

Author:	The Kidd!! [ Mon Jul 11, 2011 7:37 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: How to talk to strangers ^^
'Grinus...he currently has a problem with speaking to people he doesn't know...an interesting limiter...but a limiter nonetheless.

Author:

peregrinus [ Mon Jul 11, 2011 7:40 pm ]

Post subject:

Re: How to talk to strangers ^^

The Kidd!! wrote:

'Grinus...he currently has a problem with speaking to people he doesn't know...an interesting limiter...but a limiter nonetheless.

I am aware of that.

All i gave was a simple step, with limited risk and investment.

It is not even inviting a conversation, he is merely saying hello. he neednt even stop or talk anymore.

Baby steps.

Author:

GoldenBoy [ Mon Jul 11, 2011 7:54 pm ]

Post subject:

Re: How to talk to strangers ^^

peregrinus wrote:

The Kidd!! wrote:

'Grinus...he currently has a problem with speaking to people he doesn't know...an interesting limiter...but a limiter nonetheless.

I can ask directions, be asked something, but what I'm having a problem is speak "without meaning" (like "why do I talk to her" ?)

PS: To answer to The Kidd!!, what do you mean my inner work, I kwow what I want out of life, I have the job I love, I want a woman for carrying my children and because she shares my vision of the world ... (not because I miss something, or needing anything from her) but that doesn't help me speaking to women I desire ... (like I would like if it was as easy as saying (I'm attracted to you, ,you are too, I think we can split DNA ...).

I stop here cause a thought popped out : why I don't talk to people is because I think everybody "from the core" want the same things (pyramid of the needs of Laslow) so there's no need to talk (I'm gonna do some thinking while eating my dinner (it's 9pm here) see you in no time)

Author:	The Kidd!! [ Mon Jul 11, 2011 7:58 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: How to talk to strangers ^^
I dunno...maybe because you desire to?

Author:

GoldenBoy [ Mon Jul 11, 2011 8:07 pm ]

Post subject:

Re: How to talk to strangers ^^

The Kidd!! wrote:

I dunno...maybe because you desire to?

That's it, so if I'm gonna talk to her I can't be like Hi (cool and aloof like Zan would say) coz the thing I want to say is "I want to know you", but I don't know if that's sounds good ...

Author:	The Kidd!! [ Mon Jul 11, 2011 8:23 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: How to talk to strangers ^^
Always use the KISS principle... Keep It Simple...Stupid. If you say that you'll come off as creepy. Like 'Grinus said...SIMPLE.

Author:

GoldenBoy [ Mon Jul 11, 2011 8:51 pm ]

Post subject:

Re: How to talk to strangers ^^

The Kidd!! wrote:

Always use the KISS principle...

Keep
It
Simple...Stupid.

If you say that you'll come off as creepy. Like 'Grinus said...SIMPLE.

That's why I don't talk ... (I don't want them to find out

)

Well, good night, see you tomorrow with some new insights.
From tomorrow : Stop giving a fuck

Author:

scarface [ Mon Jul 11, 2011 9:49 pm ]

Post subject:

Re: How to talk to strangers ^^

GoldenBoy wrote:

Any thoughts ?

So far. I can't believe how much mental masterbation you have been able to put onto, just saying something (simple) to a girl that you are (at this point) a bit curious about.

Author:

GoldenBoy [ Tue Jul 12, 2011 5:17 pm ]

Post subject:

Re: How to talk to strangers ^^

scarface wrote:

GoldenBoy wrote:

Any thoughts ?

So far. I can't believe how much mental masterbation you have been able to put onto, just saying something (simple) to a girl that you are (at this point) a bit curious about.

Thanks for the compliment ...
Gonna make things way simpler from now ...
I'm starting reading 60, looking forward to it, thanks

Author:

scarface [ Tue Jul 12, 2011 5:33 pm ]

Post subject:

Re: How to talk to strangers ^^

GoldenBoy wrote:

Thanks for the compliment ...

U're welcome.

GoldenBoy wrote:

Gonna make things way simpler from now

I like simple to, because simple makes it easier too.

Author:

zogler [ Sun May 30, 2021 5:33 pm ]

Post subject:

Re: How to talk to strangers ^^

Quote:

Start with common humanity. The person across you is a person. That's great, start there. Approach it from a place of common humanity rather than sex, eroticism, mystery, scoring and performance. Approach it from process rather than performance. Focus on the actual exchange rather than the outcome, whether that's an interpersonal conversation, sex or work. When you focus on the process rather than the outcome anxiety melts away.

Making Connections - Esther Perel & Christina Pierpaoli Parker

Author:

Hineini [ Mon May 31, 2021 7:58 am ]

Post subject:

Re: How to talk to strangers ^^

Quote:

Making Connections - Esther Perel & Christina Pierpaoli Parker

Love it when women explain how to approach people.

You can see her falling apart just demonstrating because she's so uncomfortable even just pretending.

Goldenboy IMHO it sounds like you're trying to find the one perfect way that entails no possibility of rejection, feeling uncomfortable, or even being anxious.

The one thing that young psych gets right - is that yes, we all feel anxious at times - especially when we don't know what will happen. Her point to focus on process is also good.

But let me ask you some questions:

You obviously want to talk to her, to see where things might go - but what are you doing to solve this?

Listening to interviews, coming on the board to ask questions, read, read, read?

How has that worked for you?

---

In my opinion, it sounds like you're struggling with avoidance and anxiety.

The way out of that is to practice staying with unpleasant feelings - like anxiety - and learning to move your focus to the situation around you, and to try different things while feeling that way, not by making the feelings / thoughts / sensations go away.

If you try do something that is too overwhelming - which might be talking to the girl on the bus right now - you might not be able to keep your focus where you like, feel worse, and end up avoiding more again.

Of course, if you feel like you can be anxious and it's no biggie to say 'hello' like Grinus says, go for it!

Otherwise, go slowly, you can practice stepping into anxiety at home for say 5, 10, 15 minutes and really feeling it completely; or you can practice doing things that make you feel a little anxious but not too much, and from there practice being more flexible with your behaviour.

The theory / readings should help you to move your focus off of trying to control the outcome IMO, and to enjoying yourself rather than trying to get anything. (IE enjoying the process with the anxiety/excitement that comes from the unknown). If they're aren't doing that, but just making you feel better when reading, then are they really helping?

Just my 2C.

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