More awareness came to me by way of my bro, like other friends of mine he told me today that it's time for me to work on some ladies and he's been asking me lately why aren't there any girls I've been getting with, I told him there was this older woman I was thinking about and he told me that's bullshit and that I need to go for girls my age.
Some emotions came up and I just came up with some excuses, which I knew were bullshit, but for some reaosn the emotions I had made them true, I think maybe part of the reason I like older women is because I think it'll be more simple and easier, nothing wrong with that but at the same time this explains my complacency when it comes to women my age.
I know the excuses I made are complete bullshit and I've analysed the shit out of it a million times over, so I'm not goin backwards, my marquee value's actually gone up a bit this week and I am getting more confident, it's just this emotional state I get in when people ask me questions like this, it brings up a story I've been telling myself since my first rejection, I thought I'd dealt with it but the fact that it still comes up means I haven't.
Part of the reason I avoid it is because I fear that if I let it take me over that I'll regress, but now I know when I get that feeling again, I need to feel it fully and let it happen, maybe I'll finally get to face those demons.
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