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Feeling attraction for a girl
http://www.naturalfreedom.info/viewtopic.php?f=18&t=1007		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  freespirit422 [ Mon May 02, 2011 8:09 pm ]
Post subject:  Feeling attraction for a girl
Alright so I hear a lot of talk about trusting your gut, I'll admit this is where I tend to fall short at times. Back before I learned a lot of the stuff I know now and the mindset I've internalized, attraction would usually turn into neediness and make me obsess over a girl. I think right now I'm subconsciously afraid of feeling that gut level attraction because I fear I will become needy again, and lose control. I think it has led to the unhealthy suppression of some emotions that I associate with being weak.

So just to straighten things out. Obviously to a certain degree we can't help being attracted to certain women right? And showing attraction isn't necessarily a bad thing. So that gut level feeling is that more on my end or is it a shared thing? The fact that I'm asking these questions just shows how out of touch I am with that feeling I guess. I think I need to work on showing more interest, not in a needy way, more in an open opportunity way. Right now I'm probably a bit too indifferent and I'm sending mixed signals.
Author:  peregrinus [ Mon May 02, 2011 8:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Feeling attraction for a girl
My suggestion is:

The next time you get this feeling, DO NOT ACT ON IT! - DO NOT RESIST IT EITHER.

Do nothing except observe YOURSELF!

Let the feeling flow through you, let it happen, do not try and contain it or control it.

Observe how it feels, what happens in your body.

Fully experience that feeling and accept that you are feeling it. Without feeling a need to act on it, enjoy it for itself.

Do this a few times then report back on your observations.

My first question is: did the world end?
Author:  rant [ Mon May 02, 2011 8:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Feeling attraction for a girl
peregrinus wrote:
My suggestion is:

Fully experience that feeling and accept that you are feeling it. Without feeling a need to act on it, enjoy it for itself.

My first question is: did the world end?
when the fear comes out, that's the path
Author:  Sniper [ Mon May 02, 2011 11:51 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Feeling attraction for a girl
freespirit422 wrote:
attraction would usually turn into neediness and make me obsess over a girl. I think right now I'm subconsciously afraid of feeling that gut level attraction because I fear I will become needy again, and lose control.
I used to observe myself a lot in the past (as peregrinus suggests) and you know what I figured out?
that it's not the feeling of attraction that was the problem it was my thoughts. I just used to overthink and then I saw that most of my thoughts made no sense at all...

for exmaple, I'll give some of the thoughts that went in my head in the past:

I saw a beautiful girl, felt attraction and then my head started:

-what if this is 'the one' and I say something stupid and screw it up

-wait I'll never have another chance with her again, I missed the girl of my dreams.

-oh wait a minute what if she rejects me and I'll feel so bad that I won't feel like approaching anymore girls in the future.

-What if I miss this opportunity and I'll never find another girl like this again...

After observing myself and my thoughts like this a few times I laughed and said: WTF? :lol:
I have a great imagination and my mind keeps coming up with great comedy. I see girls that I don't know and my mind already makes up stories and scenarios that are just fiction.

See what your mind is telling you while you observe ;)
Author:  freespirit422 [ Tue May 03, 2011 4:36 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Feeling attraction for a girl
Thanks Peregrinus and Sniper. My ridiculous thought was somehow I was going to become needy again or I was giving my power away. So I was trying to avoid that feeling because I felt something bad would happen.

I went out for a while and came across this feeling again. I accepted it and enjoyed it instead of worrying about it, I let it fill my whole body. It was a pleasant experience, a lot more pleasant than trying to fight that feeling.
Quote:
My first question is: did the world end?
Haha, no it didn't. In fact I realized that trying to control that feeling was what was actually stressing me out. I understand now that I'm able to feel all those pleasant feelings, but not have an attachment to them. Like waves on an ocean is the best analogy I can give, you feel it fully but it subsides and then you are left with a peaceful feeling. The irrational thoughts no longer have any validity.
Author:  peregrinus [ Tue May 03, 2011 7:52 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Feeling attraction for a girl
freespirit422 wrote:
In fact I realized that trying to control that feeling was what was actually stressing me out.
Good observation :)
freespirit422 wrote:
I understand now that I'm able to feel all those pleasant feelings, but not have an attachment to them. Like waves on an ocean is the best analogy I can give, you feel it fully but it subsides and then you are left with a peaceful feeling.
Nicely explained.

For some reason I find myself using water analogies a lot.. Rivers, Waves, Oceans

"Let it wash over you"
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