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PostPosted: Sat Jun 05, 2010 8:20 pm 
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Hey, I just read today his 3rd and 4th podcast transcription of his "attract hotter women" series and I have to recommend them to everybody. There's soooo much value in what Brent and Dave tell there. Its the same thing that stopgivingafuck.com handles but its always good to have the same thing explained by other tongues/fingers.

Delicious to read, those podcasts are awesome :)

In a few words:

1. Affirming, visualizing, 2. BEING -> receiving ;)


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 05, 2010 10:22 pm 
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Brent was Marcus's 'secret weapon' that he did not mention on realm.....
I'm getting to those podcasts soon :D

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PostPosted: Sat Jun 05, 2010 10:56 pm 
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZU8DtzA ... re=related

This small video is great and Brent shows high-energy, watching that video makes me smile broadly :D


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 06, 2010 1:51 am 
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Vegano wrote:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZU8DtzAvys&feature=related

This small video is great and Brent shows high-energy, watching that video makes me smile broadly :D


Soooooooo...the way to stop approval seeking behavior is to tell yourself over and over that you do what you because you like to do it and that's what you do...and that it's sexy...until YOU believe it? :?

The PRACTICAL way to stop approval seeking behavior is to dig deep to determine why it is so important to you that others approve of you and/or your behavior in the first place. Maybe you didn't get enough attention as a child? Maybe you always wanted to fit in but didn't? I'll bet there is an underlying issue that needs to be identified, addressed, and then promptly squashed.

Doing things like what Brent suggests is merely a band aid...and your mileage will vary depending how much in denial you are. If I'm bleeding out, I don't need a freaking band aid...I need STITCHES. Sure stitches hurt more and take longer to put in than slapping on a band aid, but in the long run, the wound will heal much more better and will be almost impervious to re-injury.

When the community is ready to stop trying to find a "magic pill" or the next quick fix and matures enough to understand that in order to achieve real results you need to put in some REAL HARD WORK...I'll be ready to fill that newly created void. :geek:

Note: By "you", I didn't mean you specifically, Vegano...I was just speaking in generalities. 8-)

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 06, 2010 2:39 am 
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The Kidd!! wrote:
The PRACTICAL way to stop approval seeking behavior is to dig deep to determine why it is so important to you that others approve of you and/or your behavior in the first place. Maybe you didn't get enough attention as a child? Maybe you always wanted to fit in but didn't? I'll bet there is an underlying issue that needs to be identified, addressed, and then promptly squashed.



Hey Big Kidd,

I think you might be on to something here that has just crossed my mind. But I always like to get practical....

How did you dig deep and find out what your inner issues are? did you just sit in your room and think about it until everything came up?
and once you found out what they were, what did you do to change them?

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 06, 2010 3:47 am 
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Sniper wrote:
The Kidd!! wrote:
The PRACTICAL way to stop approval seeking behavior is to dig deep to determine why it is so important to you that others approve of you and/or your behavior in the first place. Maybe you didn't get enough attention as a child? Maybe you always wanted to fit in but didn't? I'll bet there is an underlying issue that needs to be identified, addressed, and then promptly squashed.



Hey Big Kidd,

I think you might be on to something here that has just crossed my mind. But I always like to get practical....

How did you dig deep and find out what your inner issues are? did you just sit in your room and think about it until everything came up?
and once you found out what they were, what did you do to change them?


I just focused until I became in tune with my subconscious mind, which is kind of dangerous because the subconscious mind protects your conscious mind for things that it feels you may not be ready to handle the truth about. Luckily for me, I am hardy enough to face my demons head on and put them to bed. Once again, another SIMPLE concept...definitely not EASY.

But yeah, I sit in a quiet room or and just go through my head like a microfiche...I would visualize and identify situations that would make me feel a certain way, and then break them down to myself.

For example, I used to have approval seeking behavior, and can tell when I may be starting to relapse sometimes. This stems from being bullied as a kid, never really fitting in with the "cool kids", and feeling like my mother only gave me negative attention...i.e. if I did something wrong she'd be all over me, but if I did something right, she would wouldn't even acknowledge it, and if I brought it up, she would say something like, "This is what's expected of you, therefore it is no big deal." So, I have since made peace with these past parts of my life and as a result, don't really care what people think about me to a point.

That shit Brent is saying to do wouldn't have solved my problem...it just would have at best temporarily put some spackle over it. Seriously, that is some serious hooey. People pay for that shit? If that's the case, I need to get MY shit together...QUICK. :shock:

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 06, 2010 8:52 am 
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Hey Kidd,

actually I posted that video because of his high-energy in that video. But I agree with you that this won't really solve a deep issue like approval seeking. Its just that Brent let ask people questions via e-mail and does make a small video for the ones he think are important.

When you read Brents stuff, its about creating a new reality by affirmations and visualizations. He also teaches how we can fully accept ourselves and truely live after "the best place to be is wherever I am". Being happy for nothing but just being alive. Its about stopping to want something from people, about not being attached to any outcome. Being social for the sake of being social. And with the affirmations/visualizations you create the life you want, concerning women for example.

He doesn't give (I may be wrong) soo much importance to letting go of your attachements (seeking approval, control, security). But I have only read a few of his podcasts and I don't know if he handles "letting go" more elsewhere.

But sure, I agree with you that affirmations don't dig deeply.


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 06, 2010 9:17 am 
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The Kidd!! wrote:
Doing things like what Brent suggests is merely a band aid...and your mileage will vary depending how much in denial you are. If I'm bleeding out, I don't need a freaking band aid...I need STITCHES. Sure stitches hurt more and take longer to put in than slapping on a band aid, but in the long run, the wound will heal much more better and will be almost impervious to re-injury.

Good analogy Kidd.. However there is a step often missed even on the band aid approach, first you need to clean out the wound before slapping the band aid on. Otherwise you are effectively trying to seal in something which may cause problems later.
Checking the wound to see if there are any infectious agents in there and cleaning it up (even cutting some more possibly if it is a nasty wound) will help the healing so much more and make the wound heal quicker.
Doing both, cleaning and stitches is the optimum approach, not sure why people short change themselves when trying to heal themselves. Possibly they like to think they have dealt with the problem even when they have not. A Band aid never really helps anything it merely covers over it, I think of it similar as to brushing all the rubbish under the carpet.

Sure stitches hurt to put in, I would far rather have a few minutes of pain and know I have got a stitched up clean wound ready to heal, that I can expose to the air (which helps it heal better) than just slapping a band aid on in a few seconds (covering up the issue and possibly causing problems later).

What I see is a lot of men slapping band aids on dirty wounds.

The Kidd!! wrote:
But yeah, I sit in a quiet room or and just go through my head like a microfiche...I would visualize and identify situations that would make me feel a certain way, and then break them down to myself.

This is KEY in my view, something I did a lot of myself.
Also being present enough to notice when these things come up in your day to day life and any triggers you may have been unaware of are fired. Then taking the time then and there to let yourself feel what you are feeling rather than dismiss it or cover it up, take notice of it and deal with it (possibly filing it away with a note to self to look at it at some later time alone also).
Purposefully putting yourself in situations YOU KNOW trigger you, so that you can really feel those feelings and emotions, deal with them properly, get used to feeling them, seek out the root issues and causes.
Reliving situations that put you in certain emotional states and finding the root causes is a powerful tool, again people like the easy road rather than the effective one.

'I stopped fighting my inner demons, we're on the same side now' - peregrinus

The Kidd!! wrote:
He doesn't give (I may be wrong) soo much importance to letting go of your attachements (seeking approval, control, security). But I have only read a few of his podcasts and I don't know if he handles "letting go" more elsewhere.

This is the one thing that has always bothered me about Brent's stuff. Letting go, letting go of your attachments and facing your internal demons has a MAJOR effect, so much that I can see not doing them really holding people back despite other progress they have made, until they address them there is an 'elephant in the room'. Or as Kidd puts it, the band aid is on but it is only covering up the issue, it is not really dealing with it.
I have not delved too deeply into his stuff, as it always seemed a bit airy fairy to me, as though you should have all that stuff sorted BEFORE you get around to his stuff. I have not seen him deal with core issues at all, I may be wrong however I feel I am not.

To my mind a lot of the guys seeking help in this area would do best to focus on themselves first rather than women, sort yourself out and then you will automatically become more attractive. Then even simple improvements you make will have a massive effect.

Until you sort yourself out you are just sticking more and more band aids on infected wounds.

Should it surprise you when those wounds heal badly and cause even more problems?

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Last edited by peregrinus on Sun Jun 06, 2010 9:54 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 06, 2010 9:30 am 
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The Kidd!! wrote:
That shit Brent is saying to do wouldn't have solved my problem...it just would have at best temporarily put some spackle over it. Seriously, that is some serious hooey. People pay for that shit? If that's the case, I need to get MY shit together...QUICK. :shock:

This is why I keep thinking about putting a lot of my thoughts down. Keep starting and stalling, which is not good.

Not on women so much, but on men and what has happened to them, steps to take to sort yourself out, steps to step outside of the matrix, steps to see all those issues and blocks. Things I have done through my life that seem to work for more than just me when have told others about them, rather than the hooey that only seems to work for a few rare cases.

Letting the real you out, without the societal bullshit but in a way that can exist within the matrix. This appeals to me much more than another document on 'how to get better with women' or 'being an alpha man' (LOL) as most of them do not seem to address the core issues from what I have heard.

I cannot help but get the feeling people would find value in it, there is just so much I would like to put in that I end up rambling a lot and then editing again. Need to really take a concerted chunk of time and get around to it. (NOTE TO SELF) In a way it is very simple, trying to explain it before the fact seems to require so many references that I always end up thinking I have written too much in a section, so that it will get confusing. Writing too little and I feel people will not quite get what I am trying to explain, feel it is too simple..

Oh the joys of document writing :lol:

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In building a statue, a sculptor doesn't keep adding clay to his subject.He keeps chiseling away at the inessentials until the truth of its creation is revealed without obstructions. Perfection is not when there is no more to add,but no more to take away.


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 06, 2010 12:24 pm 
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peregrinus wrote:
The Kidd!! wrote:
That shit Brent is saying to do wouldn't have solved my problem...it just would have at best temporarily put some spackle over it. Seriously, that is some serious hooey. People pay for that shit? If that's the case, I need to get MY shit together...QUICK. :shock:

This is why I keep thinking about putting a lot of my thoughts down. Keep starting and stalling, which is not good.

Not on women so much, but on men and what has happened to them, steps to take to sort yourself out, steps to step outside of the matrix, steps to see all those issues and blocks. Things I have done through my life that seem to work for more than just me when have told others about them, rather than the hooey that only seems to work for a few rare cases.

Letting the real you out, without the societal bullshit but in a way that can exist within the matrix. This appeals to me much more than another document on 'how to get better with women' or 'being an alpha man' (LOL) as most of them do not seem to address the core issues from what I have heard.

I cannot help but get the feeling people would find value in it, there is just so much I would like to put in that I end up rambling a lot and then editing again. Need to really take a concerted chunk of time and get around to it. (NOTE TO SELF) In a way it is very simple, trying to explain it before the fact seems to require so many references that I always end up thinking I have written too much in a section, so that it will get confusing. Writing too little and I feel people will not quite get what I am trying to explain, feel it is too simple..

Oh the joys of document writing :lol:


You and I truly seem to be on the same page. My thoughts EXACTLY. :geek:

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 06, 2010 1:51 pm 
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Quote:
I cannot help but get the feeling people would find value in it, there is just so much I would like to put in that I end up rambling a lot and then editing again. Need to really take a concerted chunk of time and get around to it. (NOTE TO SELF) In a way it is very simple, trying to explain it before the fact seems to require so many references that I always end up thinking I have written too much in a section, so that it will get confusing. Writing too little and I feel people will not quite get what I am trying to explain, feel it is too simple..

Oh the joys of document writing :lol:



Quote:
You and I truly seem to be on the same page. My thoughts EXACTLY. :geek:


You guys need to get publishers :lol:

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 06, 2010 5:38 pm 
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Two sides to the coin:

you can use affirmations to reinforce new beleives.
However (and I have wrote about it on realm before) trying to use affirmations to cover up core issues is not the solution (like the band aid that The kidd was talking about).

But on the other hand: after you noticed the 'core issues\beleives' the next step is to change them. Just seeing\knowing them is also not enough. The second step is to change them.

That's why I like afformations to begin with. Afformations are asking questions until you get to the core issues. After that you can use affirmations to replace to old negative thought patterns with new ones.

I don't know what Brent does but both steps are necessary....

Just knowing the core issues- not enough, trying to cover them up- not good
getting to the core issues and then replacing them with new beleives= change 8-)

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 06, 2010 6:28 pm 
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The real key is not to attempt to change them, but to embrace them as a part of who you are...befriend them. Peregrinus said it very eloquently with his quote about the friends with his demons or something like that.

If you notice, in traumatic situations, people usually only find peace when they forgive the offender. They don't change the way they think or feel about the offender...they just recognize that particular emotion is holding them back from being happy, so they just let it go.

So, to reiterate, the key is not to change, but just to merely accept and then build from there.

Oh and to Way of the Natural: I have a publisher on lock...I just need to sit my lazy butt down and come up with something that isn't a tangental mess. :mrgreen:

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 06, 2010 11:20 pm 
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Way of a Natural wrote:
You guys need to get publishers :lol:

I agree Way, first I have to actually put it down in writing, so I have something to show, more to myself than them. As I know that will be the worst part for me, putting it all down in a way that is not a massive web of interconnected bits, rather some structured form.
At the moment I am still seeing it as a messy web of parts when trying to put it down. (A comes before B, but parts of B must be explained for A to make sense etc[then throw in C-Z into the mix])

Have not looked into proper publishing before as an individual. Have been considering the ebook route, purely from an accessibility point of view for potential readers, avoiding distribution issues and suchlike to an international audience.

Then I read this quote.... LOL!
The Kidd!! wrote:
Oh and to Way of the Natural: I have a publisher on lock...I just need to sit my lazy butt down and come up with something that isn't a tangental mess. :mrgreen:

[Kicks Kidd for having one on lock]
Tangental mess is a good way to put it.

-- back to original post, this is very true:
The Kidd!! wrote:
The real key is not to attempt to change them, but to embrace them as a part of who you are...befriend them. Peregrinus said it very eloquently with his quote about the friends with his demons or something like that.

If you notice, in traumatic situations, people usually only find peace when they forgive the offender. They don't change the way they think or feel about the offender...they just recognize that particular emotion is holding them back from being happy, so they just let it go.

So, to reiterate, the key is not to change, but just to merely accept and then build from there.


One of my most used phrases both on here and in person is 'LET IT GO'

Don't fight it, accept it.

In trying to change it you are resisting it, which is akin to internal fighting, conflict, resistance..

LET IT GO!

This is the quote you are referring to Kidd:
peregrinus wrote:
'I stopped fighting my inner demons, we're on the same side now'

I have that as the image on my phone background, together with a man shedding shackles of restraint. Always gets interesting comments when people see it, I put it on there ages ago because that is how I feel and it is a good reminder.

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PostPosted: Mon Jun 07, 2010 3:31 am 
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Brents podcasts are great. I've listened to all 21 of them and even though, it's essentially the same things I already know, he has alot of funny stories that are pretty inspiring on there as well.

Btw, Kidd. Brent actually does reccomend doing essentially what you said you did. His material goes deeper than just affirmations and visualizations.

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PostPosted: Mon Jun 07, 2010 6:30 am 
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Thanks Libertine for correcting that Brent does teach the essential deep stuff too. So far there wasn't so much of it in the podcasts I've read.


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 07, 2010 9:33 am 
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TheModernLibertine wrote:
Brents podcasts are great. I've listened to all 21 of them and even though, it's essentially the same things I already know, he has alot of funny stories that are pretty inspiring on there as well.

Btw, Kidd. Brent actually does reccomend doing essentially what you said you did. His material goes deeper than just affirmations and visualizations.


Well, that explains why everyone at Zan's thought I was just regurgitating Brent word for word...no matter what I did to show them how much my stuff predates Brent, they were relentless. Hell, it's not too far fetched to think he might have bumped into my stuff once upon a time and went from there...who knows? :lol:

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PostPosted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 2:45 am 
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Brent has been doing this stuff for over 20 years. He just never taught until he became friends with David D and taught him most of what he knows. Then David D wrote "Double your Dating", had his DYD seminars and had Brent as a guest speaker at one of them. That's how he got started teaching all this stuff that he knows. He's a pretty interesting character. He's had an outrageous life for sure.

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 Post subject: Brent Smith
PostPosted: Tue Aug 03, 2010 12:16 pm 
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I listened to a couple of his audios with Dave M recomanded to me by ML and Vegano.
He has some very good advise. He talks a lot about indifference, not wanting\needing, not seeking approval. The pratical side of his teachings revolves around affirmations, visualizations
and letting go. He also gives some inner game tips like: be a bit unattainable when you meet hot women, if you compliment women- do it with balance (Don't give too much too soon....)
why he always gives out his number and lets women pursue him and more.

Funny thing was that everything Marcus wrote on realm was Brent's words. It's almost like he did copy and paste on Bren't podcasts, Lol.

Marcus was a student of Brent and had posts on Brent's forum But on realm he never mentioned that and made it sound like he came up with all that stuff himself because of 'natural grounding'. :|

Anyway, good to listen to some of Brent's stuff to get another angle on things.

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 Post subject: Re: Brent Smith
PostPosted: Wed Aug 04, 2010 2:45 pm 
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Summer Hookups is a great podcast and hilarious too. Brent and Mitch have an entirely healthy and light hearted way of looking at the world. It's entirely refreshing. I'm glad you liked it.

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